I do not own Harry Potter. I'm just a person who has thoroughly enjoyed the series and wishes to celebrate it with other fans.
~This is LucillaJoanna of Hufflepuff sipping cocoa and waxing poetic By the Fireside for The Winter Tales Challenges
Beautiful. I have been needing a story like this ever since the end of Hallows. A story that reunited the Weasleys and showed them grieving and rejoicing. The Weasleys, to me, are the most interesting people in the books, but that's cheating since there are more people to have interesting things happen to. Oops. Sorry. I started babbling.
Truly a beautiful story. Your use of words is deep and thoughtful, but not mushy. The memories you added in were perfect.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thank you, Luna. *sniffles* I agree with you.
Curious . . .
The opening line grabbed me. If I haven't heard the entire story yet, why not? Very intriguing, and very clever of you to start with that. Though I may suggest you change "Prologue" to "My Story" or something like that. Just a suggestion.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thank you for the suggestion! I must say, the first chapter or two is a bit like the book. But, after that Scarlet branches off from Harry\'s story. So the first chapter or two (the sorting, the train) is a bit like the book, but after that it hardly follows it.
I hardly wan tto stop to write a review! It's really funny, and you kept them more in character than I had expected!
Smiles, Luna
Luna's not in the same year as the Trio, just so you know. They seem more out of character in this chapter than the preceding ones, but it's still very good.
Smiles, Luna
Cool!
Smiles,
Luna
I like it, it just seems kind of weird that Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and the portraits are playing matchmaker. I like how you call him 'Albus' though!
Smiles,
Luna
I love the free verse. Had it been, say, in couplets, it would have felt a lot less powerful. The way it just is really gave me the feeling of 'words can not express this adequately enough.' All the lone words clinging onto the sentences really just makes me think she can't believe it. She doesn't want to believe it, but she knows she has to, so she's going through her mind trying to find a way to say it that will make sense. I like how in the end, she still can't make it real. I have the feeling when she does believe it, belief and truth will just overpower her.
If that's not how it was written to be interpreted, I'm sorry. Even though there is no wrong way to interpret art, I'm the one who finds the wrong way to interpret it.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Oh no! Don\'t worry, I agree. I think this poem is totally up for interpretation. You may not understand what I\'m conveying (not saying this is the case, just in general with poets and readers) but if it means something to you that\'s just a as great. I think all art can be looked at differently. There really is no wrong way. I thank you for your review. I\'m glad you found this poem to your liking. Really, your thoughts mean a lot to me. =D
That is powerful.
Lydia Prince is such a wonderful character. She seemed very real and very witty. She sure is a Ravenclaw.
There were some parts of your story that were confusing because they would introduce different elements without any explanation. For example, the narration says Rosier was not good at chess and it is never mentioned that Rosier has anything to do with chess. Then later it is revealed that her and Tom have been playing. That only happened once or twice. It's not too bad, but whenever I'm confused about something I always waste time going back to check it when the next line explains it.
At first I thought it looked like it could be a laborious read, judging only by the length. I'm a slow reader and long one-shots can be rather daunting. Any way, all your words were used so wonderfully that when I was reading it, it didn't seem as long as I thought it would. The style was practically flawless. The characterization was incredible. It was over-all one of the most enjoyable one-shots I've ever read, and it is going in my favourites.
Smiles,
Luna
Funny! I still love Emma first-person, and I still like your random original characters.
You keep changing the spelling from "niflheim" to "nifleheim."
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: It\'s supposed to be Niflheim. If it changes, I\'m just stoopid and a maker of typos, which we already knew! I\'m so glad you like this.
Heh, heh. It makes me smile! I shall just torture myself with the suspense and not read any more of it until the POTTER'S PENTAGON TRILOGY IS VALIDATED.
Sorry! My keyboard got stuck on Caps Lock and I'm too lazy to go back and edit it.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Mwahahaha, the fact that I have four chapters ready to go on my computer that I could show you at any time have no effect on you, eh?
\r\nYeah, I can\'t wait until the STORY IS VALIDATED... BECAUSE IT\'S BEEN TWENTY THREE DAYS... *clears throat*. This is so weird... three people who like Emma in a row... maybe because no one else but people who like Emma will read this story!
I must admit, I've always had a spot of trouble with interpreting poetry. Am I right to assume it's from Voldemort's point of view?
First, my favourite part of reviewing: talking about words. Some words from your poem I thought really added something extra to it: "quell", "mistress." The thing you seem to have done with this poem is not reaching for exotic words, but taking everpresent words and shaping them to your will, which you have done quite nicely.
"A Dark Mark is enough to impel
Desperate cries to my decree."
These are my favourite lines because there's something very dark and powerful about them, to me at least.
Although that is my favourite part, the cleverest and most interesting part would have to be: "Voldemort has a mistress of death."
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! This poem is actually about Bellatrix...the \"Mistress\" of death. :) Glad you liked it.
Oh, it's so sweet! I absolutely adore the fact that love was a music that could be heard as well as felt. It really added something special.
Now for the words that popped out and added their own special something: "twilight," "creak," and "flutter."
My favourite part is the fourteenth stanza:
I really like it. There were a few rhythm issues. I did like the great use of vocabulary you used: "contrite", "rapport", "exploits", "bourgeosie".
My favourite part has to be:
"The Marauder’s Map is their legacy,
To mischief makers from the bourgeoisie."
It had a very fresh and innovative feel to it. (As you might have noticed, I'm going through my "words must be chosen with presicion to do exactly what you want them to do" phase. I am currently reading On Writing Well.)
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: I have to admit that the Thesaurus and rhyming dictionary are my friends...and that rhythm is one of the parts of poetry I need the most work with...I constantly struggle with it, but I still enjoy writing. Glad you enjoyed some of my word choices. I have to admit that when I had the chance to use bourgeoisie, I had to...as this was written not too long after a trip to Rome and that was my favorite museum there!
I love reading about Quidditch matches. I don't why, but I know I do. Something that bothers me about your story is a Hawaii national team. Hawaii is a state, so I'm confused.
One thing I like rather a lot is how everything happens right now. Ex: "He flies..." , "She falls..."
You reviewed Schmergo's and my story "Kill Bill (And Arthur)" and Schmergo has told me your a good writer, so I came to check out your stories. I'll try to read some more later.
I hope your friend gets/is better.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response:
Well, you’re not alone, because I also happen to like reading about Quidditch matches. I have no interest in sports, but for some reason this game on broomsticks captures my imagination nonetheless.
\r\n\r\nNow to alleviate your confusion about the Hawaiian national team, allow me to explain. In Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Tibet is described as having a ministry of magic that is frequently fined for Muggle sightings of Yetis. However, Tibet is not an independent country in the Muggle world (since it is part of China), but J.K. Rowling has indicated that it is in the Wizarding world. In short, there are differences in political boundaries between both worlds.
\r\n\r\nWith that in mind, Hawaii was annexed by American Muggles in 1898, but the magical population of the islands could have maintained their independence from the U.S. magical government. If that is the case, then they would have their own national Quidditch team.
\r\n\r\nAnother possible explanation is that the Hawaiian team directly parallels the English team. There is no such thing as a British national Quidditch team, but there are teams for England, Scotland, and Wales (Northern Ireland should have one too, but it isn’t mentioned in the books). This is mostly the same case in the Muggle world – in the FIFA World Cup, the U.K. has never fielded a team, but England has. In the case of magical Hawaii – even if it is part of the United States – it could feasibly have its own Quidditch team separate from the Americans.
\r\n\r\nI’m glad you liked my use of the present tense! I like using it whenever I’m writing a scene with a lot of action, precisely because it is so immediate – it’s like actually seeing the action right in front of you instead of only hearing about it a few days later like in the past tense. I’ve actually tried writing in the future tense, but it didn’t turn out too well. I suppose I’ll just stick to the past tense for general narration and present for action sequences.
\r\n\r\nI did indeed review your Schmergo-collaborative story; it was very good, but I won’t bore you by repeating all of the wonderful things I thought about it. Anyway, I hope you like my other stories!
\r\n\r\nTim the Enchanter
\r\n\r\nP.S. The “Butterfly Incident” happened several years ago, and now we consider it something of a joke.
\r\nWoah. It took me forever to realize it was AU. I was sitting there thinking "Wha?" for a while before I saw the warning.
I love this retelling of Severus's own story, and I honestly thought it was Harry telling the story right up until the end.
I love your Lily Jr. characterization. I love . . . I love . . . I love how I sound like a broken record.
Anyway, it's a wonderful story, and you should be very proud of it. Judging from your chapter notes you are proud. That's good. You definitely should have pride in this story.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thanks Luna love, its very sweet of you to say that. Yes, this story is very special to me because I wrote it for a very special person. And that alone makes this extrodinary. Again, I never meant to decieve anyone but I guess people only see what they want to and never what they don\'t.;)=Sammy
I love how it's an advertisement. It's really a fun sonnet. I could really see all the products. Sometimes the rhythm seemed a bit off (only if it's supposed to in iambic pentameter) and the punctuation was off in the third quatrain.
Done with the mechanical side, I loved how it painted a picture. Or, as my English teacher says, "Such rich imagery, you can just see the [insert whatever is being described]."
My favourite part was:
"And Skiving Snack Boxes assist smart schemes."
This has alliteration (undoubtably my favourite literary device). So this is the second poem I read from you and loved so I'm off to check out your other stories!
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thanks for another great review. I love to write poetry, so as you see I have a bit of it here. Hope you enjoy some of my other poems/stories!
First, I want to say "Thank you!"
You characterization of Hermione is really good! It's better than a lot of things I've read on MNFF. I find people have a tendency to make Hermione smart in ways that aren't true to her character. So, I applaud your Hermione!
George's characterization is also very good: Still a little silly but also kind of serious.
The story idea itself is very intriguing and can't wait for the next chapter!
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thank you for your insights about the characters! It\'s always nice to hear what a story is doing right.\r\n I\'m working on Chapter Two right now, hopefully it won\'t take as long to get accepted.
So sad but so sweet. It wasn't overly mushy or too hard and cold; it was just right. I liked how Monica noticed everybody's teeth. She definitely would do that out of habit.
Your chapter end notes were also very nicely written too. I don't usually comment on end notes, but I want you to know you wrote the end note very well.
Now, excuse while I do a little dance because you chose my title.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: That is the first compliment on a story note I have ever gotten, and it made me feel warm and fuzzy even though I didn\'t remember how I\'d done the end note. Thanks a bunch for the lovely review, and also the title--yours really sort of seemed to fit, which was cool, because I didn\'t give you much to work with in my plea for help to go on.
Never would have guessed! That's not the most common fanon characterization of him I've seen. Usually he's a lot meaner or immature, but I guess he's older and more mature in this story. (Dudley, I'm talking about.)
I like your story a lot. It's simple but I could picture the story very easily.
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Yep. I figured, since Dudley was polite to Harry just before the Dursleys all left in DH, that likely he\'d keep on that way. After all, he did bring Harry a cup of tea, even though Harry did go and step on it. So I gave Dudley another year or two, and there you have him. Even Dudley and Pansy can mature and mellow, over time.
Lookin' good so far! A few questions:
-> Why are Bill and Fleur sleeping on an illegal flying carpet?
->Why is everyone outside?
I'm really curious about what happens next, so expect more reviews from me!
Smiles,
Luna
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really just imagining that the embargo ended with all the darkness on the carpet front, and they were outside because that's where they fell asleep...worry free life and all that jazz!
I hope you like the next chapter...it's in the queue...