This is without a doubt the best humor fic I have ever had the pleasure to read on fanfiction ever. Great job.

{This is a little thank you review. Thanks again Buckbeak22 for reading my story and leaving such a delightful little review}
How I Found of My Best Friend is a Witch is the best kind of sad. Mostly because it doesn’t mean to be. A story about a Muggle losing her friend to a world she can’t help to enter is probably the most poignant and under-explored story in the Wizarding universe. And Buckbeak executes it with an innocent, likable grace. Lauren the Muggle isn’t flamboyant, doesn’t have a wicked sense of humor, she is sensitive musician that claims to be good at the cello and little else. (She isn’t however by the same turn dramtically inept to the point of humor) And this sets the perfect tone. Following a small string of lovely insignificant details

I think Bryan and Rob felt truly sorry for me, as they knew what I was feeling although they did get fed up of hearing about the “Hermione Soap” as they called my conversation.

We don’t learn anymore of these characters but there simple line of Hermione soap brings Lauren’s background to life. One of my favorite parts was easily the simple descriptions of how Lauren felt. Lauren really has a great voice, one easily relatable and mentally transposable. The best stories let the reader assume the place of the main character and Lauren is a perfect vehicle for our consciences.
There are of course problems, namely when Lauren meets Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Because the reader is focusing so much attention on this, this more than the fight with Lucuis is the climax of the story. Ron and Harry are a little to at ease with Lauren and friendly. While not nessarily out of character, this takes away some of the edge and gives the reader relief from the poignancy. What, in my opinion, would have been really brilliant would have been if you increased the hope with the poignancy, if Lauren decided to become a little tag-along.
The line where Lauren admired Harry Potter seemed a little forced and the implication of him having a girlfriend and her respecting that veered slightly towards the dark and cheery path of mary-sue-dom. Watch out for that. Other than that I hope for a sequel and would just like to say good job.


Author's Response: Thank you for your wonderful review. Actually more worth reading than the fiction itself. I have come to the conclusion that there are story tellers, and writers. I am one of the former, and you are one of the latter, being by far the more literate and insightful. I wish you hadn\'t noticed that the ending was weak. I loathe writing endings, and always find them anticlimactic. And I am afraid I can\'t do sad endings. It makes me too depressed for my characters, and I wake up at night wanting to go and extricate them from their predicaments. I am the same when I read sad books. (When I read Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald, I was depressed for a week. My husband threatened to censor my reading for me since he said he couldn\'t stand it!) All the same, Harry and Ron may be alright with Lauren, but I hope I am conveying in my next fiction that she doesn\'t feel quite so comfortable with them. It will come to a head in Chapter 3. (At least, I think it is Chapter 3.) Thank you so much for your wonderful review. It was very much appreciated.

A fantastic charecterzation that was beleivable and original. Flawless. Great job.
-VL

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Mrytle’s Vision has a vision, or rather a point of view. It’s written from experience and it shows. The fault of many pieces of fanfiction is that they seem to only get farther away from the reader emotionally as each new piece of conflict is introduced. Myrtle’s Vision does just the opposite. For example here:
“Your hair is greasy, Little Miss Mope,” observed Olive Hornbury, her nose wrinkling in disgust.
The insults that Dumbledore’sTwin(abr name) uses are witty and poignant. They are very real. They are also very exaggerated. In my time I have never met anyone using such direct teasing (and I would consider myself a regular old mrytle ), most teasing I have found is small subtle actions by the antagonist and a permeating paranoia within the protagonists own psyche. Dumbledore’sTiwn doesn’t achieve this unfortunately instead sticks with the easy-to-write philosophy of bad guy vs. good guy. This isn’t I think a faulty path that the author chose conciesiously, but one that was necessary if she wished to be completely real and honest. In our life it we villianify people if to make ourselves appear more sympathetic and since I’m assuming that Dumbledore’sTwin placed herself in the shoes of Myrtle for this exercise it’s natural she wanted to make her self sympathetic. The danger in this is that the girls have no motivation, no character. They are in a word: flat. Making characters flat is fine, and often acceptable in stories as short as this, but then they need to be stripped of all purposes besides plot so the reader does not enter the story expecting rounded villains.
I was also a little unclear on why Mrytle would want to become like the girls that tease her everyday. Yes they are popular, but earlier in the story you say yourself that Myrtle couldn’t understand why everyone liked them. I think you need to show more the transformation from distaste to admiration. Also it’s very important to tie up loose-ends when writing a one-shot. At the end we still don’t know who the man is, and that’s okay but he doesn’t return or why he was even warning her in the first place.
Perhaps it would be nice to have him tell her to be miserable to try and save her from making the mistake of ending up in the girls bathroom or was that just a conincidence. Overall this story packed a great emotional punch, but was empty other than that.
I look foreward to seeing what this author can do with a great emotional impact and a more compact tied-together plot. Great job.


Author's Response: This has to be the most helpful review I have ever recieved - thank you! Are you a member of SPEW or something? I do disagrre, however, about your claim that the insults are exaggerated. I myself have met an Olive Hornbury, she was my best friend. In our first year of high school, she became obbsessed with being popular and funny - at my expense. She used to throw insult after insult, just like the ones in my fic, in front of large gangs of people. One day, I couldn\'t take it anymore, and I yelled at her and ran off to another friend of mine, who hung around with a completely different, VERY unpopular crowd. I obviously got teased for hanging around this crowd, and so made my self determind to change. Briefly, for a fortnight or so, in a desperate attempt to be liked, I became a total chav, and pratically plastered myself in make-up. I was anorexic for eight weeks. So, I think that it is possible for Myrtle to want to become like these girls; she may not understand why these girls are liked, but wishes to be liked, so she copies them. I understand where you\'re coming from on the quick transformation though, I\'ll watch out for that in the future. The voice is actually the Basilisk, and the boy in the bathroom is Voldy, as explained in COS. Thank you again for this fantastic review, I only wish everyone put as much effort into the reviews as you do! ~Evie

Missing You lives up to it’s title. This is perhaps the most eloquent and important thing any one person can say about it. It is a heavy piece of fanfiction, not in the fact that its subject matter presents deep probing psychological questions, but in that it is very concentrated with constant conversations so probing and quietly dramatic it’s almost hard to read in one sitting. Ironically enough as readers we are often wary of things that have little physical action or dramatic plot twists for the fear of being bored, but if anything the opposite is the case. The conversation is so intense and every moment in pivotal to the story we feel as if every moment is more important than the last. While this allows the reader to be focused it also can began to wear the reader down mentally and begin to become over stimulated and few the story as unrealistic. Not because the story actually is unrealistic, if you look at each line individually there is very little that could be counted as cliché or melodramatic, but because it completely glosses over the quite moments in peoples lives. However, though these may be significant faults the author, Wilbur, makes no silly mistakes and is very direct in what she is trying to convey, which in my opinion was the bittersweet taste of loss.
The reader has no doubt about what they should be feeling, and in most cases are feeling. In particular the scene with the OCC was particularly poignant. Rarely do you see such powerful male OCC’s in a fanfiction so centered around cannon characters. Rick has some of the most insightful lines in the entire piece and acts as a kind of magnifying glass for the points that we may have missed. Unfortunately however the same cannot be said for her characterization of Harry Potter, the whole relationship was too smooth to easy. Of course when viewed through the eyes of someone missing something they will gloss over the faults of their partner, but I believe that if the author truly wants to give the full impact and make us sympathize with Ginny we should see things how they really were, not how she wishes they were. In my mind I just can’t imagine Harry Potter and Ginny flirting with such seductive ease.
There also a few faults stylistically. She begins the story discussing how Ginny comes up on the roof not to think about Harry but just to think and then the entire story is about how Ginny cannot give up Harry Potter. Grammatically the author has the easy cadence of long sentences that don’t become tangled but at times are warily sneaking over the barbed wire fence into the jail cells of run-ons. Most of the time this seems to be a simple error of the grammatical style not matching the almost minimalist plot. For example:
Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Hermione, and Ginny were all playing a game of Quidditch which had gotten progressively competitive because both Harry and Ginny were in, what seemed like, a constant battle for the Snitch.

For example the what seemed like is superfluous in retrospect as the reader would much rather find out a couple seconds later what’s going on than already know that they are really not in a conversation five-seconds in.

Overall this concentrated piece is a good first attempt and I look foreword to seeing how Wilbur grows and time goes on.


Author's Response: wow...i\'ve never been given such a long and thought out review. thank-you for all your compliments. I know there are quite a few grammatical and syntax errors; but that is expected without having a beta-reader. I\'ve finished the story, but have given up trying to get it all up on this site. There have been multiple accidental deletings on Mugglenet\'s side. I must be honest, after this review I\'m afraid to send in the next chapter for fear of not being able to live up to your compliments and/or falling deeper into the errors you\'ve pointed out. I just have to remind myself that this is one of my favorite stories I\'ve ever written and take constructive critism as a way to improve. Thank-you again for caring enough to leave a review.

This had the feel of something out of the eighteeneth century, Mark Twainish, or Oliver. Mostly because of the chopped up words 'ike this, and putting the do at the end of sentences.
I like it, but it causes a few problems it doesn't really fit with the whole use of alarms and electric things.
However I really do have to commend you on your fantabulous use of punchlines. It's a real punch in the gut the last line,a nd really pushes this fic to being funny, or at least suprising.
Nice job.
P.S The rhyming here feels much less forced than in Full Moon's Lament, you really are improving.
-VL

Author's Response: Hey VL!

I\'m glad you think I\'m improving--and that you like my punchline. =P Actually, as for the eighteenth-century feel, it was unintended. ;) But thanks so much for your review and your tips, I really appreciate them!

Cheers,Fenn

Snape Repents has the feel of a traditional ballad lost in the tangles of the writers own imagination. That isn’t to say it wasn’t created with the best possible ideas, but it got lost somewhere along the way, ironically enough I believe at the beginning. She starts off with:

“Good evening, Potter,” said Snape, with a doubt.
“How can it be good, when you’re about?”

This dialogue sample has the feel of being incredibly natural which really lets us know that Bookworm is not a traditional poetry writer. Many poetry writers sacrifice meaning to rhyme, or coherency to poetic images and symbolism, but bookworm does the opposite she rhyme to getting across what she wants to say. Bookworm is writing prose and then shoving it into the form of a rhyme, which is really incredibly unfortunate as they could have been a create humorous one-shot. The problem is that there is very little humorous poetry and so seeing a poem the readers mind is immediately flagged to a mood of descriptive seriousness. And on this count Bookworm simply does not deliver, and did not intend to deliver. Unfortunately, this isn’t obvious until the last line when the reader finally catches the cadence of the humor and then can re-read it and offer a smile here or a chuckle there.
I am sure that Bookworm is a fantastic prose writer, and you can see glimpses of her style here and there which for the most part seems to be humorous in the dialogue, but it just doesn’t transfer well to the medium of poetry. One of the key things about poetry is that it has to rhyme and rhyme well. Much of the humorous potential which I can so clearly see is easily sacrificed to the constraints of rhyme and the author even admits to herself in the authors not that she was stretching for a rhyme on a certain line. In most normal brands of poetry it’s okay to reword things and make them sound awkward, but in dialogue there are special phrases that I am sure Bookworm is aware that when forced into rhyming sounds awkward.
I have faith in Bookworm and if she tried a different medium of poetry with less dialogue and more action and even a plot the humor would come across better. I have faith because the last couple of lines were simply brilliant and really made me smile.
But what Bookwormy thinks,
And is sure you do too,
Is that Snape does deserve
To be killed by Voldy-poo.
These are so great because they really embody that genre of poetry with that gut-punch hilarious ending and doesn’t sound forced at all. If every stanza of the poem were like this one we would have something worthy of awards. I look foreword to reading more of Bookworm’s poetry and I’m glad to see that she is challenging herself.


Author's Response: Oooh, thank you so much, Visceral Love, for taking time to study my poetry between the lines and submitting such a constructive review! You have very correctly inferred from my poem that I defintely am not a poet, more a prose-writer. And this poem was actually written by me by first thinking of dialogues, and then making them rhyme somehow. Now that you have given me the idea, I might even write a one shot of this entire scene. Actually, I never considered writing this poem as a humorous one...but as you have so wisely pointed out, in order to make my lines rhyme, I just gave way to whatever came in my mind and some lines automatically became humourous. This poem, actually, is one which is dark as well as has some light moments as well, like when Harry is being cool with Snape. I am happy that you liked the last 4 lines so much. I do hope someday I improve my poetry so much that you like all the lines as much as those...and my poetry doesn\'t sound so forced. I\'m also really happy that you would like to read more of my poetry, because I have one more poem which I am going to submit soon. Let\'s hope that it gets validated and that you feel it exceedingly better than this one. All in all, thanks loads for your review!! I am really grateful and look forward to being advised more in future by you.

Shattered by A_Pink_Lady, has power. It will astound you how much it can affect you, beyond reason, beyond anything else. Because after all’s said and done A_Pink_Lady writes with passion. Others may tinker around with style, or grammar, she focuses on what she feels and allows it to spill out of her. Unfortunately the spilling is a little messy, and while there are points almost too fantastic to describe, there are also points that are below average. And because of the immense potential I see in A_Pink_Lady I think it would be a disservice to ignore those points so that she can eliminate them and really make her work brilliant at every point. One of the most brilliant points was easily:
He could see the glassy look in her eyes that he knew only too well. Dumbledore, Cedric, Lupin, Moody.

The reader is prepared for grief, but they expect to be dipped into it slowly, and this is a shock. A delightfully painful burst of subtle grief that really lets the reader into Harry’s head without falling to the melodrama that A_Pink_Lady seems prone to in other points. However, surprisingly she can also make the extreme drama work well, and in one of my favorite lines and endings she executes this superbly.

The golden trio was shattered, gone, only a memory now. Maybe one day, Harry would come back and it would be remade.
Maybe not.

This is the perhaps the best example of A_Pink_Lady’s potential. I can see her style clear from clichés here and it’s beautiful. It is heartbreakingly simple and balanced between optimism and nostalgia. One of the many mistakes that Dark writers make is that they believe that they have to leave it with a complete feeling of despondency for the reader to be truly changed. A_Pink_Lady obviously understands that this is simply not the case.

However, there are also some serious flaws in this piece. Least significantly there are some grammar flaws, the most notable one being in this sentence:
Suddenly a Healer rushed in and despite Harry’s protests, poured some dreamless potion down his throat and he fell instantly into a deep sleep.
There should be a comma after suddenly and this sentence is a run-on. It would be much better as a separate sentence.
The author’s biggest flaw however is unoriginality. Unfortunately this one of the hardest things to fix, but I have confidence in her. The clearest and most common example of this fault is the numerous cliche’s she uses, for example:
His blood froze.
Simple sentences like this aren’t necessary as the author does a great job of writing in a third-person narrative that has a feel of first, making the focus really on Harry Potter, not on each physical action. Instead of employing poor clichés like this to try to get across the emotions that she has already told us about it would be much better if she just let Harry’s thoughts express his horror.
Simplicity also comes with the burden of bluntness unfortunately, which can easily evolve into melodrama. For example in the passage where Harry is watching Ginny dies she (the author) showcases the shock of death wonderfully, but then spoils it, by telling us what we should be feeling.
He didn’t see the ark of the spell slam into his stomach, scarlet eyes widen with anger, then shock and finally fright. He didn’t see the most evil and feared wizard of all time crumple into a heap on the ground. All he cared about was Ginny.
However, regardless of the numerous faults I see enormous potential in A_Pink_Lady and immensely look foreword to reading any future work. I wish her only the best.



Author's Response: This review has left me completely speechless! Thank you for the most detailed review ever, i really appreciate the constructive critisism! I\'m still trying to improve my grammer and thank you for pointing out the \'unoriginality\' and what i need to avoid.. i didnt realise i was doing it and i will keep that in mind for the future. I wasnt that sure that the last bit would work, i originally just ended the story with the letter. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my one shot, this review has really cheered me up! Ps: Are u a member of SPEW? (they write fantastic reviews like this)

It Always Breaks is one of the most innovative pieces of fanfiction that I have ever had the privilege to read. It’s written in second person, so in that spirit I’ve decided I’d do my review in second person as well. (Normally I write reviews in third person.) Alright’ so let’s hop to it.
You sit there perusing your usually “Most Recently Updated” and click on the the story, It Always Breaks by wendelin the wierd, expecting the usual fare of darkness and angst, but with the lovely first sentence you are immediately caught off guard. Why? Because it’s addressing you, not the reader, or another character but you. You have become Ted, Tonk’s father, an underwritten and under appreciated character.
This is how it should be, you think, it always seems as if everything- everything is falling apart in your world, except it isn’t.
You end up wondering if Wendelin means that everything should be falling apart, or that everything should look like it is. Either way this is a slightly confusing beginning which really does a disservice to the rest of the story. What she really does well is use the word choice to convey a character.
This time she looks up into your eyes, and they seem to be filled with some sort of wild fury.
The use of the phrase they seem to, convey the uncertainty and fragility of Ted and the wild further distances the couple. This growing distance is one of the one-shot’s main themes. Overall, this was an incredibly skillful and innovative piece, and I’ll be on the look-out for more of Wendilin’s work, and you should be too.

The poem was pretty good. You have a good feel for rhyme and there was a really great flow. I only had a couple of issues one there was really no strikingly descriptive lines as a result of the rhyme, which in my opinion is really the purpose of poetry. And two, this line:
As the moon rears like a snake.

A snake in my opinion does not rear and that image seems a little bit off. All in all valiant and great first attempt I look foreward to reading more of your poetry in the future.

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks so much for taking the time to read and review my poem!

I actually wasn\'t all to pleased with this particular poem... I\'ll definitely keep in mind your suggestions, thank you so much! (Oh, and as for the snake.... Kind of like how a cobra coils up into the air to strike, you know? =P)

Thanks again! ~Fenn