Patrick, let me start by saying that you seem to always use such artistry in your writing. I have this feeling of unworthiness whenever I read something you’ve written. It’s all such a feast of narration and words and ideas, and I’m certainly not worthy of such a gift to read - let alone for it to be written for me.

The first three lines of this story are so fabulous. I adore rain, and I adore Regulus, so I couldn’t have asked for too much more, could I? You know me very well, my dear Pat. -fond poke-

The imagery of the rain as another cloak to hide in is fabulous. Then I like how we jump to young Regulus (no, I wasn’t totally cuted out by the thought of young Regulus and what little Regulus, Jrs would be like...). Anyway, you take that paragraph describing something so simple as the thunder and the screams of the young boys, and it’s so wonderfully set before our eyes.

The way Mrs Black appears at the correct moment should be comforting, but it’s not because she’s Mrs Black, and so where it would be a tender thing from any other mother, it simply adds to her chilling terror. And then he’s only three! It kills me that she is so heartless toward the small boy! It would rip my heart out, but I hardly noticed the first pain when she continues into the other room to smack Sirius. My lungs were probably torn out at that point, too, since my heart was already gone. Seriously, when I first read this, my hands flew to my mouth in horror.

In other words, your chilling tale is fabulous.

Just as Regulus was annoyed by that pauper with the socks, so was I, and then I felt a pang of guilt at being so annoyed. But that is something that I’ve often felt walking around downtown in the city - it’s very real.

The last scene just blows me away and leaves me speechless. The interaction between the brothers is powerful. I’m ashamed to say that I was also a damn fool by not falling in love with this the first time I read it. Perhaps something was wrong in the air that night, because now I’m absolutely consumed with fascination and adoration of this story. Patrick, you're fantastic and this story is brilliant and I love you for writing something so amazing for me.

Author's Response: MAAAAAAAR! Thanks for the review. :)

Since I have to study poetry for my Crit Lit class right now, I figured practicing in the lovely MNFF world make it much more fun, and since I wanted to give you a review anyway, this works out just perfectly.

When I started reading the poem, I was just overcome by the extreme feeling of sadness, like walking into a fog. You obviously conveyed the feeling really well through your writing. I see the rhyme scheme running through your stanzas, but I actually didn’t feel it in the reading until the third stanza, and then I went, “Oh, this has a rhyme scheme.” So I thought you did a very good job of not making it a glaringly obvious thing at first. I don’t know if you did this on purpose, either, but it made sense for the rhyming not to be obvious until later because the feelings at the beginning of the poem are just sort of sadness and confusion.

When Remus comes to terms with what has happened is when that every other line rhyme scheme is obvious. And the rhyming continues (as you know, since you wrote it...) into the fourth stanza, but I like the visual cue in the change of form. The implication that things have changed, and that things are going in a different direction. I really liked that visual change correlating with the metaphorical change.

This was a lovely poem that I really enjoyed reading, Teresa.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you Mar! I\'m glad you liked the poem. I love writing poetry, and I plan on writing some more soon.

Well, Leslie, after much urging, I’m glad I read this, and yes I’m saying this on my review for chapter four and not five. I don’t know if I told you exactly how it happened, I think I only glossed over it. You said in your LJ that people should read it, but I didn’t do it then, even though you said it’s the best things you’ve written. After that you linked me to it, and I merely saved it in my bookmarks bar for sometime later. Well, that later happened when I wanted to just do a short bit of reading before going to sleep. Just a chapter, you see.

But I read the entire thing, instead, even though I should’ve gone to sleep directly after chapter one. I don’t know if it’s your absolute best, but I say that because I really like all of the stories you have written that I have read quite a lot. I think I would have to do a Leslie!story marathon in order to judge that more accurately. Suffice it to say that this is just a delightful story.

I could’ve reviewed the last chapter, but I wanted to do this one instead. I liked it particularly, you see. I think I would’ve liked to see more of the development of the relationship between Susan and Percy, but it wasn’t necessary. Just a want from a reader who loves really good romance stories. And though I would’ve liked to see more development, that is because I think you do it so well. As I said in my earlier review about you not playing Percy’s character up or down too much, it is the same with the romance in this story. It’s important, but the story deals with Susan, with Percy, with the atmosphere of the war around them, and with Percy’s relationship with his family... and yes, the romance. Your balance between all the different elements in their lives is very nice.

I thought the scene between Susan and Ginny was well-written. Susan’s quiet strength comes out, and so does the slightly sharp side of her personality - the side that is honest without fail.

I don’t think I can say enough about Susan’s character. Though she really does remind me of this girl I know that is particularly interested in Pine Trees, if truth be told.

I find the ideas you used in this story to be interesting considering the fact that DH didn’t exist when you wrote this. Everything is so very logical, like the fact that they didn’t have Hogsmeade weekends, but there were arrangements for family and friends to visit students inside the castle. The reconciliation between Percy and his family was very logical and fitting, as well.

Overall, I just loved this story. You’re a brilliant writer, Leslie.

Author's Response: I\'m glad you read this too. Sorry it kept you up late, but...not really. I mean, yes really, but...*shuts up* I\'d be interested sometime in what else you could say about Susan\'s character. I like that you reviewed this chapter, I appreciate it. Thank you. Perhaps sometime a sequel. Or a DH-compliant companion of sorts. It is on my to-do list. Thank you muchly for everything, Marie. Have a nice day! *D*

This story has bewitched me, body and soul. It’s just simply lovely.

I like the opening of this story in that it sets up Percy perfectly for the reader. Percy may have acted like a complete git, but he’s still a person and you ease us into his skin. It’s not a skin the reader is used to, but you make it easier for them to understand it.

The image you painted for Penelope in Percy’s mind is very interesting. Everything good, every opportunity for redemption, hangs on Penelope. It’s such a bittersweet notion and endears Percy more to the reader. “His hope for renewal drew him to her.” I love that.

Penelope is so unique in this story. She’s toneless with Percy, and then she’s passionate and stubborn about the rain. (And, ps, you know I love rain.)

Bwahaha! And then, as if this story wasn’t already pretty good, it all of a sudden intensifies in greatness. Percy is hesitant to touch her cheek, yet he yearns to, and I so want him to in that moment, but he really can’t and gah and you just wrote it so well! The end of that scene is just ... There aren’t quite words. It just FEELS as perfect as that one scene in that one movie that is my favorite. Again, you wrote this parting moment between Percy and Penelope perfectly. There’s still so much of that longing.

Percy’s letter is perfect. The opening line is perfect. Really, it just is. There is Percy, laid out for all the world to see if they were to read this letter, but more importanly, he’s open and honest for the person for whom he cares most, and that’s a scary thing.

And then their reunion. Guh. It’s absolutely ...

His head pounded with the reality, and every sense felt heightened, clarified. He was ready to rush to her, to take her in his arms, to press his lips to hers, when she spoke again.

“I’m a fool, Percy,” she said. “But so are you.”

“Yes, yes,” he nodded fervently. “I know.”

Okay, absolutely lush. The entire scene here is lush. There’s so much tenderness and love between them. It makes one believe in true love. Not Hollywood true love, but the real world sort. And I know you took a lot of inspiration and whatnot from a certain movie, but it doesn’t change the fact that you were able to capture such brilliant emotions so well. I adore you, Jenna. Thank you for this exquisite piece.

Your stories always give me so much to think over when I read them, especially each chapter of this story. I looked back to see when last I reviewed this fic, and last time I had so much to say about the strong, tangible characterization. I feel that still continues in this fic. It has been ages since I read any of it, so I went back a couple of chapters just to catch up on what was going on, but I didn’t feel like I’d really spent much time away from the characters of Lucas and Charlie and Katie. The way you portray them remains so strong and singular through every installment of the story. Lucas is like no other character in fan fiction because you have established him so richly as who he is by detailing how he responds to things, how he deals with his empathy powers, and by showing how he’s opening up and creating that bond with Charlie.
I really love the way this chapter plays out. Until nearly the end of the chapter, nothing really happens in the sense of plot, and I didn’t notice that until nearly the end because I was so engrossed in the conversations that Charlie and Lucas were having over the dueling practice. You took something so natural and routine for them and used it as a tool to further explore who they are and what they think, and then, at the end, you have lulled the reader into so much character study that the reveal of why Charlie killed someone, and who it was that he killed comes as such a surprise, which was awesome. I’ll come back to that last, but how about the other things first, yes?
I adore the first conversation we see between them. It shows how they’ve fallen into being friends completely again, and you also are so clever in poking fun at the whole dragon keeper thing that is really kind of ridiculous, but so true in the fandom, and probably or undoubtedly true in the actual wizarding world. I just loved seeing Charlie be a bit exasperated about it, and then seeing Lucas’s amusement. But, as you pointed out in the narration, Lucas is feeling what friendship really is like for the first time, and that is what is significant about the seemingly insignificant conversation. We, as the readers, are feeling what it’s like for Lucas, and we’re learning more about him.
I loved how you then explored Lucas’s blooming connection to Harry Potter and how he feels curious about him since he’s connected to people that matter to Lucas, as opposed to before when he had no reason for interest. It’s such a true characteristic in real life, and the way you’ve illustrated it in the story gives Lucas just another layer, another way to jump off the computer screen and into brilliant life inside the reader’s head. You then teach us more about Lucas and give him more of a chance to grow in the conversation over girls and houses. Another conversation that was amusing, but also enlightening. You really do weigh everything you include in your stories, it seems, there is not an idle word or happenstance. Everything just adds more to the story, nothing is just for the sake of passing time. I mean, this entire chapter is a case in point. Yeah, they’ve got to find something to pass the time, so they’re practicing their dueling, and you’ve used it as an opportunity to enhance who they are and show us some of what they’re thinking.
The end scene of the chapter is powerful. You explore the concept of power and evil and good and the confusion and lack of understanding others motivations. It’s all very interesting. I appreciate that you don’t get into things too much and make it too heavy or tedious to read. You get into a topic just as much as you need to, and you leave room for the reader to ponder over the matter themselves without making up their minds for them, which is quite a powerful tactic for you as the author to have employed, especially in this scene.
I was very touched at how much the friendship between Lucas and Charlie just seems to grow, and they care about each other, and they’re working to understand any differences. Most of all, though, they have quite the bond of trust, now, and that is something that you’ve made very fascinating to watch. You didn’t just kind of snap your fingers and say, “Ta da, they’re best friends now, fyi,” but instead you’ve shown your audience the progression, and they’re still progressing, and you don’t neglect that at all. You don’t expect your readers to just buy into their friendship changing overnight, and I commend you for that. The chapter was wonderful, dear Anna.
Except… Oh, and this isn’t bad, in fact it’s so very good of you, but also very wicked. I want to know precisely what happened in the matter of Higgs and Ginny and you just didn’t give me enough details there. But good for you, keeping me dissatisfied because you did it so brilliantly.

Good heavens. I certainly didn't expect to be review number two on this story. I assuumed all other SPEWers would clamor to get reviews written for your wonderful writing. I actually feel a bit smug about reviewing your lovely story before the masses. Is that allowed?

>>

Though there isn't much to say in the way of concrit. Except that maybe you need to write more, and you punish the world by not giving us more of your fiction to read. You have such a gift with descriptions. You set a complete scene, yet you don't explain everything. The way you do this is in your ability to give the reader just enough framework so that they can complete the image in vivid detail in their own mind.

The atmosphere you've created for this wizarding society is so lush, even though, again, you don't explain it in detail. You hint at it, coloring a bit here and there - noting Lucius' thoughts about his father's feelings for his mother, questioning about the Veela blood and giving the direct answer. And !!! You mentioned the handsome Orion Black. I do love him. That's allowed, right? Because I would possibly fall into bed with him if Regulus didn't exist. Minus the possibly. Gah, this isn't relevant to your story. -makes it relevant- I like that you have more than just a few characters, you note the background, which makes it all the more real for the reader, drawing them right into that party.

Seeing Lucius at a bit of a loss of tact was so interesting. I don't know if that's the best way to word it. I guess it's more that he's just in awe and wonderment over this mysterious woman. It was so interesting to watch their interactions. Grace is a terrific character. I love her pull on Lucius. I want to know more about her.

I'm also very intrigued by Lucius' mother's hand in the Lucius/Grace tryst. I'm waiting anxiously for more of this story. I know you've been working on the Lucas story for....bascially the entire year that I've known you now. It's so great to see it actually come to life as a reader. This chapter was so well put together, I simply can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Hee. Yes, dear, being smug is allowed. Loving Orion Black is also allowed, if a little naughty. But hey, I’m all for naughty.

And, >.>, you want to know more about Grace Malory? *clears throat* I shall have to write a one-shot or two then. <.<

*reads through Mar’s review again* I really don’t know what else to say, except that you are being way too nice to me and making me blush repeatedly. Thank you!

You know, I think that Maximillian and Lucas are amazing pillars among men. Lucas is still very young, but he just feels unlike most of those around him, and though he is a bit unsure now and then, I respect him very much. I also mention Maximillian because of the letter exchange between he and Lucas. Though his grandfather is a strong, respectable men, not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, it is obvious again in just this small note - as it has been whenever he shows up in the story - that he loves his family very much, especially young Lucas. He'd do anything to protect them. This fact is so tangible, and yet you haven't spent paragraphs and paragraphs dwelling on it. You effectively show us, without over-showing us.

This is such a chapter of character. That is what I will continue to focus my review on.

There was no reason for you and Lucas NOT to win the award for the best original male character. His sense of duty, of love, of loyalty, and of logic combine to make him one of those amazing pillars, as I mentioned before. He's so concerned for his grandfather, and for his friendship with Charlie. I love that about him. He's not a Hufflepuff, but he has such a very good heart. He's very dear to me, as a reader, and I know I'm not alone. I love finding characters like Lucas. And maybe this may seem repetitive or a bit ridiculous to say after the seventh installment, after this story has been up since last spring, but the new chapter reminded me of it, and I feel for him more each time I read a little more of his story. This is undoubtedly a compliment to you and your writing, because maybe any writer could come up with a story like this, but only you could write about Lucas, and only you could do it in this way.

The tension between Charlie and Lucas is as painful to me as it was to Lucas. To watch the suffering of this friendship was painful. The scene of reconciliation was such blissful relief! I was so happy!

The interactions with all of the characters in this chapter was great to read. The emotions always feel very real, there's nothing fake about them. Well, I mean, there is Muriel who has her acts, but that is genuine Muriel, not fake Muriel. -giggles- Oh, she's such a horrid dear. She reminds me vaguely of my maternal grandmother and of bits I know and have heard about her own mother.

I find Lucas's empathetic abilities so fascinating. That's all.

The scene where Katie is brought in is so good. There's so much tension and worry that leaks off the screen, as it were. I would like to hear more about what the situation was that led to the desperate escape and tending to her nearly fatal wounds.

Katie, as a character, is already such a dear in this story, but I would say that my only piece of constructive criticism is that I really felt like the scene she was in was so very short, and only just mildly relevant to what is going on. Of course, you're the masterful author of this story, so I don't really question what you do and don't include, but I, as a reader, would've liked a little more from her in this chapter. Hopefully in the next, then.

The last thing I wanted to commend you on was the conversation after Katie has been stabilized. You make such a valid point through the words of Charlie. It is the relationships that we hold most dear that can hurt us most, and I love being able to read philosophies and truisms like this in fan fiction, because they're important to life, and why would we read something that didn't speak to us? Why would we write something that isn't important or true to us? You never fail to write meaningful things, and that is why this story stands out from so many others, Anna dear. I can't wait to read more. I long for the next installment. And in the meantime, I do believe I shall treat myself to a reread over the next week. And then wait as patiently as I can after that.

I really should have reviewed this ages and ages ago, shouldn’t I? Especially considering just how long ago it was that I first read it. -ashamed-

With this story, I always feel like there is so much more going on than I really understand. It has the feeling of the canon books and any other books, that feeling where you know that there is so much you’re not picking up on, and that you will only see all the things that are happening once the story is finished and you go back to read it again. This is very difficult for two reasons. First, the author must have the plot and the future in mind (as well as mostly figured out) when writing. Second, the author must tell the story, setting hints of other things in, though without dropping obvious hints that insult the intelligence of the reader. Yes, the author has to sort of weave small things in that have the author feeling smug. They left that little unsuspecting line in there, and little does the reader know just how important it will be later. THAT is how this story has felt, and it still continues to have that feeling. This is one of the reasons I love it so much.

I should get back on track, shouldn’t I?

I thought Lucas was interesting before, but Charlie is quite an enigma, almost outshining Lucas. I’m sure, though, that it is only in the way that he intrigues Lucas which makes him so fascinating. Oh, and that he is wanted for murder. That creates an undeniable curiosity. Well done with that, because you handled that situation so well.

When Lucas and Charlie are eating the meat loaf, I took a particular liking to this sentence:

Charlie, obviously ravenous after a day of hard work, attacked his food with delight and gusto, while Lucas enjoyed the meal at a more modest pace.

I never quite thought of combining the ideas of being ravenously hungry and enjoying food with delight and gusto. The latter two seem such light words, where ravenous is so desperate and powerful in my mind as a word. The juxtaposition is delicious. Not that your word choice isn’t always great, of course. I think that’s definitely one of the strengths of Vacillation and Volition overall.

Auntie Muriel is fabulous, by the way. She simply is. I think the way that you have handled, and continue to handle, this story is very good. You are keeping to the essence of the characters (like Muriel), and you keep to Half-Blood Prince canon, but the way you project what follows is an alternate universe, yet something that seems completely plausible.

I cannot wait for more. And I want to know who Charlie killed and why! You evaded that too well. Hmph. Lucas needs to get over Charlie killing someone and ask him about it. Even though that doesn’t seem very in character for him to do. That’s just what I want. Though I have my own prediction as to what will happen.

I love the way the friendship is developing between Lucas and Charlie. They are two people I wouldn’t necessarily have said would get on in normal circumstances, but now that they have been thrust together into this life of exile, I have no doubt they will become fast friends and stay that way for years to come.

Unless, of course, you have something else come up and split them apart and write it in that fabulous way you write everything. Lovely chapter, Anna, and I’m waiting very anxiously for the next.

I’m intrigued about the direction your story is going in. The Marauders are certainly ambitious. Just a couple of technical notes.

“I’m telling you, something is following us!” pleads the shorter boy.

I don’t think he’s ‘pleading’ here so much as he is insisting. He’s insisting in a paniced way, but insisting, nonetheless.

This leaves the taller boy unfazed...

This could be better worded as maybe ‘The taller boy remains unfazed.”

While you have gone the entire first part of the story using epithets, you all of a sudden refer to the shorter boy as Peter a line before the tall boy calls him Peter. That’s sort of... illogical. Better to use the epithet until he has been named in dialogue.

I like the fiery interraction between James and Lily. It’s so nice not to read about James just rolling over like a dog every time Lily pays attention to him. I also love how seroiusly the four boys are taking this business of pranking of Dumbledore.

As I read this story, it seemed as though I’ve read it before... Maybe I read it in the 007 forum? ...Or was it for my romance class? I don’t know. But it was a lovely treat to read through (again?) tonight. :)

There’s not much I would change about this, and not even much to remark on.

(Except maybe I would take out Lavender. Grr. She was so annoying, and I just wanted to be completely rid of her. Just like Ron. -grin- Obviously you did your narrative job spectacularly well, as that was the point you were trying to get across.)

I was very relieved to see Hermione, just as Ron was. I enjoyed the easy conversation between them. They truly know each other so well, and you did a very good job showing that. Nothing seemed forced. I actually felt that way through the whole fic. This was a believable missing moment. It felt like something that could easily have been written up by JKR. I mean, the writing style is your own, still, but it has the air of canon. The romance isn’t piled on too thick, and that’s something that rings true with her books. Very nice tone, dear SPEW buddy. That’s why I actually wanted to review this one. It simply felt right. Thanks for such a lovely read!

Author's Response: Hee, it\'s part of SPEW 007, actually. Didn\'t I mention that somewhere in the summary or something? I thought I did. Hm, anyway, thank you for the lovely review. :) I\'m glad you found it believable. *squishes*