I really thought your "Legalitus Potion" was clever!
"If it is mixed with moonstone it causes someone to feel deeply disloyal to his or her employer."
I also liked the part where you have to add the phoenix feathers to strengthen Pettigrew's loyalty to Dumbledore, and the fact that Hermione is so smitten with Snape that he has to remind her of this ingredient was also good.

The next day, when she comes back and denies her feelings for him, and he reminds her of his skills in Leglimens was fun. And it was touching that he returned her feelings.

I also enjoyed the part where Voldemort tells Snape to bring him Potter by faking an accident in potions, because Potter's
ineptitude has reached even the Dark Lord.

I also thought the last chapter so far was fun when they are having their usual, hostile relationship, but heigthened by their growing feelings for each other. When she is the only one who could figure out the actual name "Brinythistle" would be labelled under, and was thus the only one to do her homework was clever, as was the medi-wizardry use to counteract petrifying. The only thing I didn't like about that chapter was the Snape and Hermione name calling went a little over the top.

This story is very clever! It has so many great elements. My personal favorite element being that is is absolutely devoid of even one iota of intent!
" 'Lepus crepusculum! he sang out, Joyful with the pleasure of doing something completely, utterly, pointlessly silly..."
Brilliantly, completely, devoid of intent, Sirius sets in motion a heeping disaster!

I love the fact that the boredom that has overcome his brain left no room for him to think about what would happen if an actual rabbit popped out of the hat. I also liked when he paused, in mid deluge, to momentarily ponder keeping a particularly fetching one. The rabbits acting like rabbits was funny, as when he tried to make it better, unfortunately turning one rabbit into two and panicking the rest was great.

I particularly liked the ending. It's always nice to have Bellatrix around to restore order! All in all a great story!

Your story is one of my favorites. I like the way Snape and Hermione are attracted to each other, and made to seem so attractive, even if to the outside world (as you make so pinfully obvious in other portions) they may not be.
""Legilimens." He plunged into her consciousness without his usual delicacy, quickly pilfering through deep memories, searching for specific content." I like how this sets the reader up for what will happen later in the chapter, showing Snape as a man in a mission.

"Snape could see it in her eyes; mere defiance was replaced by desperate horror, the indignant rage by a primal instinct for self-preservation. He sneered, pulling her head back by her long, thick hair as he reached into the front of his robes with his other hand. He was ready; he took hold of the waistband of her woolen tights and yanked downward--

--a sensation of falling through darkness--"

This was especially evocative of feeling the Occlumens finally being able to stop the Legilimens.

" "I don't deny it, young lady," he said softly. "But my hands are clean, and I stayed out of your dreams." " I liked this part alot, too, especially since he thought (hoped?) he'd find himself in her dreams.


I liked how Snape is fighting himself trying to push Hermione away, even though she represents something he so desperately wants. The choice of the bed time story was brilliant, and the banter, with Hermione seeing through his gruff "professorial demeanor" is sweet. I likwe the way they both stay in character while they drift closer, and how they both relly respect and relate to each other.

I am really enjoying your story and all the different elements you are blending into it. I like the musical component, and the potions component, and the setting the time so far into the future is very unusual for fan fiction.

I also like the way you have the curse's effects being not just mental and physical, but also affecting Pendragon on a very magical plane i.e. the way she sometimes dissapears in the dark and how her name and other aspects of her personality have been forever altered, not just within her, but also to the world at large. It was very different for her to have be given a new name that can be remembered since the curse had erased that aspect of her from the face of the Earth.

I thought the way you gradually let the reader in on how her personality has been shattered by the spell is moving. I was also pleasantly surprised that she and Harry were never really an item.

Snape's depiction seems spot on, and having Harry as Head of Slytherin House is downright subversive!

Finally, I liked you description of the tea brewing, which seems very traditional and British for two people to sit down to drink some fancy tea while discussing such a brutal subject.

"You incredible idiot! How in seven hells can you be immersed in the culture of Slytherin House, yet remain ignorant of such a simple process as taking the piss out of someone?"

This portion was also very fine because you take a very British idea of putting someone on, and have Harry breakdown for Snape why his idea of it has gone way overboard!

I am looking forward to seeing how this turns out!

Author's Response: Thanks for the thoughtful review! I had a lot of fun coming up with this story and I hope to finish it soon, once I get Heirs printed.

I enjoyed your story very much. I liked haw Peter was allowed to be one of the gang, fot the most part, except maybe in the begininng when he asks Jocelyn:
" “Shall I help him, then?” he questioned disinterestedly, as though he were merely commenting on the weather.

“He’ll make sure you regret it if you don’t,” she replied."

I also liked the Maurader Map explanation, and how James just assumed it was another copy of Hogwarts: A History. It's funny how all the studious students think that's a necessity, and none of the others do!
I thought the end was poignent when you wrote "An earsplitting, heart-tearing howl rips through the hollow silence of Azkaban. Every prisoner shivers in their cell as their despair is vocalized."
That sadi it all very concisely!

I really liked your story. I thought it was clever to use "Through the Looking Glass" and the chess references as Ron’s dream settings. It made sense that those might have been the only connections that Ron and Percy had in common, and I liked that was how Percy chose to reach out to Ron from the grave.
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I also liked the animosity that the Weasley twins felt at first toward the Trio when they stopped by the joke shop. They must have felt like the Trio had abandoned everyone when they needed them the most. The folks at home were falling apart and they were nowhere to be found.

The sequence in St. Mungo’s between Percy and Ron was very moving. It was too bad that Ron couldn’t bring himself to forgive Percy. But it all turned out in the end.

My favorite part was when the Trio did battle with Peter Pettigrew. I was honestly surprised when Ron used an Unforgivable Curse on Peter. I never thought Ron was capable of that, but I thought it was believable.

The only thing I didn’t like is because of my own personal bias. I always feel bad for Ginny Weasley being delegated to the sidelines, but that is canon!

I also thought the title was perfect for the story.

I felt your story was very well done. It evoked the feelings of the downtrodden Peter and explained why he felt the need to revenge himself against the "great" James Potter. It was heartless of Potter to tell him that their great "friendship" was based on a joke.

I think you did a great job, too, of using canon, but turning into your own device.
All in all, I enjoyed it very much.

I felt your characters were very well done and felt like canon. I particularly liked the part where Sirius gets the letter from the ministry about apparating. I thought is was funny that he didn't mention to James that he ended up in the middle of a muggle street, before he was able to find Jame's house, until he had too!

The only problem with apparating into someone's home is that it would be sort of rude, and I can't imagine a wizard household not having anti-apparation shields in place.

I also thought you captured Remus' sensitive nature, when he didn't reply to Sirius' letters and Sirius' embarassment about his family's rigid world views, when he realized why Remus hadn't sent him any replies.

Author's Response: Thankyou!!! thanks for you specific comments - really helps me improve on other fics too, knowing what i can do well, and also it makes me grin for the rest of the day! :D lol. And yes, my theory with the apparating is that Sirius has needed to come to their place so often Jame\'s parents made a loop-hole for him - though I cut out the part that explained that...maybe i shouldn\'t have! lol. If i write more, I\'ll explain it. Thanks again for you lovely review! :) :)

I really enjoyed your story. It was very well written and gripping from beginning to end. The subtle way you had your character's acting one way, when they were thinking another way was well done.

"A strange look flashed in Tom’s eyes but was gone before she was able to decipher it. The next moment his flirtatious demeanor had returned. “Lord Riddle, will do. As you can see, it is quite fitting that this lord attend said ball with a fair lady, such as yourself.”"

This was excellent in the way it set up both Tom Riddle's over riding sense of self importance, and foreshadowed his eventual betrayal of "Regina", since he had such limited motivation to care about her.

I liked that "I am Lord Voldemort" was her idea. When she was looking back on that time of her life and it came to her that her locket must be a Horcrux, as she had helped him study how to make them, was eye-opening.

I also liked when she decided to give Regulus the credit for taking the Horcrux so that he would not be forgotten.

My favorite part, though was when Narcissa was planning the funeral and you wrote, "Narcissa briefly imagined their faces if she allowed Draco to organize it and smiled to herself. A dragon themed funeral with cake, balloons, party hats and a round of Quidditch would probably cause such distress amongst the older generation that Narcissa would be stuck planning several more funerals. " It was very funny that the younger generation of Blacks would have more than likely found this way of "honoring" the passing generation infinitely entertaining!

Again, it was a highly enjoyable story to read, and best of luck with the Quicksilver Quills Award!

Author's Response: Wow! I think this must be one of the nicest reviews I\'ve ever received. Thank you very much! :)

Your story was very well done. I liked the fact that even though Lily and Petunia changed spots regarding Hogwarts, Lily was still Smarter, and Petunia was still nosy.

"She sent me a letter that night, telling me that school was simply grand. I threw the letter out the window, watched it flutter, watched it land. I didn’t need to hear that. It might make me sound like a horrible sister, but I wished that she was having a horrid time, so she could be as miserable as I was." I liked this part because it showed Lily being human, and jealous in her misery, which we traits we rarely see of Lily in fan fiction. It also made Petunia seem a bit rotten, since I can't see Liliy sending a letter to her sister rubbing in her misery.

"“I always knew your favourite magic trick was the time I made those lilies bloom, so I thought that maybe…you know.” She shrugged, her cheeks a pale pink.

I looked at the lilies. They were beautiful, the most perfect flowers I had ever seen." It was sweet that Petunia remembered this part of their childhood and shared a bit of her magic with Lily.

"She was right. In the end she was murdered by an evil wizard whose name I never knew. It made sense; in a fairy-tale world where things could happen with the flick of a wand, there had to be evil to counterbalance the greatness of magic. But I have since remembered an important lesson, one I wish I hadn’t forgotten a long time ago: that real magic isn’t the swish of a wand, or muttered Latin spells."

The end counterbalances the loss Lily felt at the beginning of being denied a place in the magical world. Her having to grow up and accept the real world, and then losing Petunia so young because she had been accepted into that world was poignant.