After meeting with the Dursley’s at Kings Cross, Tonks’ appearance had deteriorated and she could no longer control her Metamorphmagus abilities. Her lovely hair turned back to the mousy brown she had always hated, but she no longer cared. The drab brown fitted her mood better anyway. She noticed that after she sent her Patronus to Remus and he did not respond, it changed shape. Now its appearance was that of a wolf and represented Remus so well. Tonks confided in Molly, but later decided it was not a wise decision. Molly continually attempted to lure Tonks into meeting with Remus, who just ignored her. Tonks kept herself busy with her job as an Auror. Dumbledore had requested that she be one of the those assigned to guard Hogwarts once school was back in session. Little did Dumbledore know that those trips around the castle grounds just tortured her. Memories of the stories that Remus had shared with her about his days at school with Sirius, James, and Peter haunted her thoughts.
Many inquired about the change in Tonks. Some assumed that it was because of Sirius’s death; others did not know what to do or say. Tonks never answered those who did inquire as she felt it was none of their business. She did feel a flash of anger when Snape mentioned the changed in her Patronus when she escorted Harry from the train at the beginning of term. Harry had found some misfortune on the train with Malfoy. Tonks had noticed that Harry had not disembarked from the Hogwarts Express, so she went to find him. Harry was hidden under his invisibility cloak in one of the compartments. Snape had intercepted the Patronus that Tonks had sent up to the castle for Hagrid to come and open the gates to escort Harry the rest of the way to the castle.
Time continued, Tonks did her rounds of the Hogwarts grounds and withdrew deeper and deeper into herself. She missed Sirius greatly, but she also longed to complete that kiss with Remus. She was slowly dying on the inside because of his rejection of her. Why did Remus not love her? Why did Remus not understand that he was a great man who deserved to be happy? Remus was a werewolf, but with Wolfsbane that was controllable! Remus forgot the potion once while he taught at Hogwarts, but that was because he had discovered the truth about Peter Pettigrew and was confronting him and Sirius.
The night at Tonks’ apartment, Remus had confided in her that hope had burst back into his life that night at Hogwarts. A large part of him had withered away when Sirius was sent to Azkaban. The discovery that his trust in Sirius was indeed not undeserved was a miracle in his life. Remus had almost died after Sirius went to Azkaban because he could not see any use in living. Remus’ friends were all dead or traitors. The betrayal by Peter cut him to the core, but discovering that Sirius was not a betrayer and murderer had at least brought some happiness back in his life.
Remus also revealed to Tonks a story that he had not entrusted to anyone else. The night James and Lily Potter were killed, Remus had started to fall into a deep depression. When he heard that the betrayer was Sirius and that Sirius had murdered Peter, depression had spiraled into despair. Remus went out into the night and cursed the half moon that hung high in the sky. The moon that was his enemy, that caused him to turn into a monster when it was full each month. Remus’ life could never be normal, but now all his friends that had given him hope to continue living were gone. Remus told Tonks about how he had run down the road to escape the memories of his friends and had fallen to his knees sobbing. When Remus had recovered he looked up and saw an inn several hundred yards in front of him, just off the road. The sign read “The Green Dragon”. Remus had stumbled to his feet and started to turn away when a mysterious old man had come out of the inn and invited him to stay there a while. Remus had never completed telling Tonks about the inn. The story had been interrupted by the kiss that they had almost shared.
Tonks thought about Remus and the stories he had shared with her that night as she patrolled the Hogwarts grounds each day. Each full moon Tonks thought about the transformation Remus underwent and wished she could undo the curse. One day in the spring, Tonks was patrolling when she ran into Kingsley, another Auror, who was also patrolling the grounds that day. Kingsley stopped to talk a few minutes. He told Tonks about one of the latest cases in the Auror office, a young boy had been bit the last full moon by Greyback. That shot panic through Tonks’ heart and she found herself running for the castle to find Dumbledore. When Tonks arrived at the castle she discovered that Dumbledore was not there, but was away. Tonks heart fell and despair consumed her. Tonks ran into Harry in the corridor, but barely remembered the conversation.
Tonks stumbled out of the castle and out to the road. Wandering ahead with fear and worry in her heart for Remus. Tonks knew that it was Greyback who had turned Remus into a werewolf, and now another young child would go through the pain and turmoil of lycanthropy. Would he too turn away from happiness because of some misguided need to protect the woman for which he had feelings?
Tears were streaming down Tonks face by now and she fell to her knees in despair, howling her frustrations into the night. Why was she not good enough for Remus? Why was happiness forever banned from her life? Why was it proscribed from Remus’ life? Why could she not make Remus understand that she loved him and was able to make decisions for herself? Why was another life destroyed during the last full moon? Another child that would have to suffer with the pain of transformation, would become an uncontrollable beast one day of each month as long as he lived? Tonks was in despair and almost wished that a Death Eater would come out of the night and send her to be with Sirius.
“Excuse me young lady, what could have caused you so much pain that you scream into the darkness and disrupt those abed? Come with me and we’ll get you a nice mug of ale and discuss your problems,” said a mysterious old man that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere next to Tonks. The man had a jolly face that seemed to be laughing even though he had a serious look on his face. There was also an air of wisdom about him. Just looking at him made Tonks want to share her life story with him and to ask his advice about every problem she had ever had. He was short but lean in stature. He was holding a cane that looked like it could also be a staff that he leaned on lightly as he walked. His clothes were simple, but well made and of very good quality.
Tonks blinked up at the man and wondered from where he had come. The tears were still streaming down her face, but the old man helped her to her feet. He guided her towards an inn that was several hundred feet in front of her on the right. The sign post read “The Green Dragon”. Tonks gasped as she saw the sign. The old man looked up at her face with a knowing look in his eye.
“This is the Green Dragon and my name is Blenkinsop Waterbut. I am the owner.”
“I have a friend that told me he had been to your inn, but never completed telling me his story. His name is Remus Lupin,” said Tonks.
“What occurs at the Green Dragon is for each individual to hold in his or her heart and to share with whomever they deem appropriate. I remember Remus. He has visited the Green Dragon several times through the years, but to find out more you’d have to talk to him,” counseled the old man as he gently guided Tonks through the front door of the inn.
The Longing Heart by Cwiddy
Chapter Notes: This is J.K. Rowling's universe, just trying to expand it a bit!