Tonks sat in her chair almost in a trance. She thought about Remus, how much she cared for him, how much she worried about him, and finally, how strongly she knew she loved him. Tonks reflected on how Remus had turned away from her. He had almost run from her and decided that he must never be allowed to be happy. Remus was changed by that evil werewolf Greyback, she thought cursing the dreaded werewolf man, but Remus had not let that curse live his life for him. Remus had gone to school after the bite, had made a lot of good friends. He had many adventures with those friends.
Tonks knew that one of the things that he feared most by having feelings for her was that all his other friends had been killed in the cause against Voldemort. First, he had lost James and Lily; then he thought he had lost Sirius to evil and Peter to death. He had hope again when he learned that Peter was still alive and that Sirius was innocent, but then had to face losing Sirius all over again, this time to death.
Tonks was aware that the biggest fear of his was the loss of control he felt when he transformed into a werewolf. He feared harming his students when he was a professor, and harming her if he ever forgot to take his Wolfsbane Potion. Tonks knew the risks, but she also knew that he would never deliberately hurt anyone. Remus had a heart of gold and deserved to have a family of his own, to be a father and nurture his own children. Remus deserved the chance to let her love him!
As this thought rang through her head, Blenkin was again there in front of her. “'Tis time to face the past, my lass,” he said to her as he guided her towards a door she did not remember seeing before tucked under the staircase.
The door was carved with hourglasses and lines that seemed to portray the passage of time, but in this case, the arrows next to the lines pointed backwards. She was fascinated by the beauty of the door itself, the deep mahogany wood stood out and the carvings almost seemed to move across the wood grain. He put her hand on the ivory door knob and backed away, smiling at her in encouragement.
“Go ahead, that is the door to the past and nothing will change what has been, but we can learn from it all the same,” said Blenkin.
Tonks turned away from him, pushed open the door, and stepped through.
************************************************************
Tonks found herself in a wooded meadow; a small terrified boy crouched in front of her. The setting sun was over his shoulder in the west. A wild looking man with yellow eyes stood in front of the boy laughing. “Revenge upon your father is mine tonight,” yelled the man as his body stiffened, and a look of pain filled his face. The boy started to run into the tree line away from the man. The man only laughed harder. “Run as fast as you want boy, the son of Lupin will live up to his name tonight! I always enjoy the hunt!” yelled the man after the boy. His last word was cut short by the moon peaking out over the horizon and he transformed into a werewolf.
Tonks gasped in horror. This had to be the night that Greyback had bit Remus. That boy must be Remus. How could she stop this? She had to stop this! Tonks stepped out in front of the werewolf, but he ran right through her.
Then she remembered Blenkin’s parting words, “…nothing can change what has been….”
Her heart screamed within her chest, but she knew that the werewolf’s bite could not be prevented. The terror that child must have faced! She shut her eyes as she realized that she had never allowed herself to think about exactly how Remus came under the curse.
When she opened her eyes again she was no longer in the meadow. Tonks found herself standing in the room she had grown up in, her childhood bedroom. There sat her mother reading a bedtime story to a young girl. She realized that girl was herself, back when she must have been about eight.
“The end,” finished her mother, looking over at her daughter at her side. Love radiated from her mother to her younger self, who was not ready yet to go to sleep.
“One more story, please Mommy! I want to wait up for Daddy!” exclaimed the younger Tonks.
“You can see him in the morning, sweetie,” answered her mother.
“I think I’ll let her see me tonight! I had to make it home to say goodnight to my little girl,” said her father. The look of love that went between her Mom and Dad made the older Tonks wish she had more of those moments to remember. The look made her long for that for herself. She knew she could have that with Remus, if he would only let her.
Tonks realized that she must have closed her eyes again because when she opened them she was standing on the banks of the lake at Hogwarts. A teenage boy with Remus’ eyes sat under a tree reading when a couple of other boys came up behind him. One reminded her of Harry; she concluded it had to be James. The other was a younger, more innocent looking Sirius. The laughter that rang out about the two told of their friendship. Another boy followed behind James and Sirius and had to be Peter. The four starting laughing as Sirius pulled Remus’ book away from him. Tonks moved closer to hear what they were saying.
“Remus, what are we going to do with you! Always studying! The sun is up and the Spring Formal is right around the corner! Do you even know who you are going to ask to the Formal?” asked Sirius.
“If I go, I won’t have a date,” said Remus. “You know that I can’t have a steady girlfriend! What would she say about my…er…um…furry little problem? I’d have to tell her about it eventually!”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I think any girl would be lucky to have you! You’re smart, a Prefect, and one of the best friends a guy could want! Why wouldn’t a girl feel lucky to have you?” asked Sirius.
“He’s right Remus,” agreed James. “Just because you have a little problem, doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be happy! There would be challenges, but everyone has those. Look at Lily and me! Lily may not talk about it much, but it hurts that her sister will not come to our wedding next year. She longs to be close to her sister and misses the companionship they had as children, but that does not mean she does not want her older sister to be out of her life! Challenges come with any relationship. You just have a few that are better defined then others!”
“A girl would be lucky to have you Remus! You are great at remembering dates, and girls love that. You’re a great friend, and you’d always be able to tell her when the full moon was,” added Peter.
“Maybe you guys are right, but I would not want to put her in any danger!” said Remus.
“Just make sure you have a house with a real strong basement door! I’ve mastered a charm that reinforces doors to sound proof my room at home, although I haven’t needed it now that I’ve been staying at James’ house on holidays, but I’m sure I could help you wherever you live after leaving Hogwarts,” Sirius pointed out.
“Thanks for cheering me up guys! Maybe there is a hope for romance in my future!” said Remus.
Tonks looked at the younger Remus and wondered if she’d be able to remind him of this day when she was ready to go back into the world. Perhaps since he had hope once in his life, it was still there, hidden under years of toil and despair of losing the friends that he joked with this day at Hogwarts.
Tonks opened her eyes again and the door she entered was in front of her again. She opened it up and was taken back to the Green Dragon . Thoughts of what she had just seen enveloped her and she wandered back to her chair to ponder these things.
************************************************************
Tonks thought about Remus and the night he was bitten by the werewolf; she contemplated the young man he was at Hogwarts. Then her thoughts turned towards her own life and the love she always saw between her parents. Her heart longed to taste that strong a love. It was a love that had stood up against oppression, enough so that her mother defied her family for her father. She grew up surrounded by that love and yearned to find for her self.
Nelly brought her some lunch as she sat and pondered these memories. They may not have all been her memories, but they were a part of her because two were a part of Remus.
************************************************************
After Tonks had eaten and sat there a little while, Blenkin approached her again.
“The past is a memory,
What makes us each whole.
Where dreams begin forming,
And strengths are unsure,”
“Ready to take a look at the present, lass?” he asked as he took her hand to help her stand once more.
“Yes, I am,” replied Tonks as she realized that she was ready.
“Well, then here we go!” said Blenkin as he lead her to another door. This one was made of glass. The etchings across the door also seemed to move but this time the lines pointed straight ahead, towards what was behind the door. “The present is happening now, and changes the future, learns from the past, but also is unchangeable,” advised Blenkin as he gently put her hand on the knob, this one was made of crystal that was cool to the touch. Tonks grasped the handle and turned it.
**********************************************************
Tonks blinked and found herself in the Great Hall at Hogwarts. She saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione eating lunch. She walked closer to the Gryffindor table and over heard their conversation.
“And what about you?” asked Hermione of Harry. “Have you been up at the Room of Requirement all this time?”
“Yep,” said Harry. “And guess who I ran into up there? Tonks!”
“Tonks?” asked Ron and Hermione in unison, looking quite surprised by the revelation from Harry.
“Yeah, she said she’d come to visit Dumbledore…” answered Harry.
“If you ask me, she’s cracking up a bit. Losing her nerve after what happened at the Ministry,” said Ron.
“It’s a bit odd,” added Hermione. “She’s supposed to be guarding the school, why’s she suddenly abandoning her post to come and see Dumbledore when he’s not even here?”
“I had a thought. You don’t think she can have been…you know…in love with Sirius?” asked Harry of the other two.
“What on earth makes you say that?” asked Hermione with a look that said she thought he was loosing his mind.
“I dunno, but she was nearly crying when I mentioned his name…and her Patronus is a big four-legged thing now. I wondered whether it hadn’t become…you know…him,” said Harry hesitantly.
“It’s a thought, but I still don’t know why she’d be bursting into the castle to see Dumbledore, if that’s really why she was here,” replied Hermione thoughtfully.
“Goes back to what I said, doesn’t it? She’s gone a bit funny. Lost her nerve. Women, they’re easily upset,” insisted Ron with a full mouth of mashed potatoes.
“And yet, I doubt you’d find a woman who sulked for half an hour because Madam Rosmerta didn’t laugh at their joke about the Hag, the Healer, and the Mimbulus mimbletonia ,” retorted Hermione as Ron glared at her.
Tonks was almost laughing at their conversation. They were right in some parts, just missing the subtle distinction between a werewolf and big black dog.
Tonks blinked and found herself standing in a dirty, run down pub surrounded by a bunch of yellow eyed men and women. This must be the werewolf pub that Remus had mentioned to her one time. A man and woman were at a table in front of her and drew her attention.
“He actually stood there in front of Fenrir and defended that Auror! Can you believe it?” asked the man of the woman.
“Does he treasure his neck at all?” asked the woman.
“Well, Remus told Fenrir that the Auror had character and did not fear werewolves and that she could hold her own. Fenrir actually laughed his agreement! Guess he’d run into her a time or two and she had put up a good fight. Remus lucked out in that argument!”
Tonks stood there in disbelief, could they be talking about her?
Tonks opened her eyes again. This time she was standing in the kitchen of the Burrow. Molly Weasley was sitting at the table crying. Arthur was sitting next to her trying to console her.
“No one has seen her in a few days Arthur! What might have become of her?” sobbed Molly. Tonks realized that her disappearance must have worried Molly. She felt a bit of remorse, but knew that she needed this journey to keep moving on with her life.
“I’m sure she’ll be fine. Dumbledore didn’t seem to be concerned when I mentioned it to him. He said something about her needing to find her will. I’m sure she’ll come back when she’s ready. She does deserve a break! She has been putting in her normal hours as an Auror, and working all her free time for the Order. I just wish that Remus would come around. I know that he cares for Tonks. He just can’t get past the fact that he’s a werewolf.”
“Her heart has been breaking for months now! No wonder she’s been working herself so hard! I wish I could help her more!” said Molly. Her tears were finally starting to abate.
Tonks blinked again and found her self facing the glass door again. She went to ponder these latest visions in her comfy chair. It seemed that everyone was worried about her. Hermione, Harry, Ron, Molly, and Arthur all were talking about her today. That helped brighten her spirits. At least someone out there cared!
It also seemed that Remus had risked his cover when she had been brought up…standing up for her, even in front of Fenrir Greyback. That undoubtedly was risky on his part! Nelly brought her afternoon tea as she pondered the worry of her friends and the conversation between the two werewolves.
After about an hour Blenkin was back at her side.
“Today is gone as tomorrow appears.
Now is past in a moment.
Love may fleet, and hate may wane;
Death may come, and hope appears,”
Blenkin pulled her up to guide her to the last door. He led her past the wooden door and the glass door to an opening that seemed to have no door, just an opening. He pressed her hand forward and she felt a door of…air? It was almost as if a strong wind divided the room she stood in from the future. She saw images of color, almost like rainbows that pointed towards the future of the lines that blew around the door. The handle of the door was also transparent, but felt very much real as Blenkin put her hand on it.
“The future is change with each heart beat. What is seen here may be, or may not. Dreams can become reality. Just remember that nightmares are also a form of dreams,” said Blenkin as he encouraged her forward one last time.
***********************************
Tonks stepped forward. She found herself standing next to a beautiful house. A porch wrapped around the side of the house. A boy with shaggy brown hair sat on the front porch step writing with a quill. Suddenly a little girl with bright blue hair came running out the front door and pulled the paper away from the boy. The boy looked up and yelled, “Give that back! I was writing a poem for Mommy!”
Tonks saw the yellow glow of his eyes and her breath caught in her throat. The girl ran around the boy and started taunting him, holding the paper just out of his reach as she was a little taller then him. Tonks had moved closer to get a better look of the children and she saw that the eyes of the girl were also yellow.
A voice rang out of the house that sounded a bit like her own. “Aria, give your brother back his paper! I asked you to help me get the guest house ready for tonight! Your father has been taking his potion, but you know how he hates for us to see him transform. The full moon is tonight.”
“I know Mommy, but it’s so much more fun when he stays in the house with us. It’s like having a dog!” exclaimed the girl.
Tonks opened her eyes and found herself in front of the door again. She wanted to go back and learn more about these children! She hoped that this future was true!
Tonks opened the door and made her way back to her chair. She was allowing hope to finally have a place in her heart again. A bit more color was in her cheeks, but her hair remained a dull brown. Not until Remus gave way and stopped making excuses would she be truly happy, but at least she had found hope. Blenkin and Nelly soon joined her for a hearty dinner.
“Fleeting is that,
Which has yet to come.
Dreams and hopes
of the morrow dawns.
“You may stay one more night in your room, but I think in the morning you’ll be ready to be on your way,” said Blenkin with a nod to Nelly.
“What you have seen here is for you to share with whomever you wish. Or you can hold it in your heart to get you through the tough times,” reminded Nelly. They ushered Tonks back to her room for another good night of rest. The next morning she thanked them heartily and then was on her way. Hope was restored to get her through until she could talk to Remus again.
The Longing Heart by Cwiddy
Chapter Notes: This is J.K. Rowling's universe and I'm just expanding on it.
This section contains excerpts during door to the present scene that includes conversations with a few changes from Half-Blood Prince between Ron, Hermione, and Harry from pages 467-468 of the American Hardback Edition.