Ch. 10 My Father No Longer
The only sound that I heard was my own heavy breathing. Neither Snape nor my dad moved from their seats; both of their faces were still wearing looks of shock. I glanced at Dumbledore’s portrait and even he seemed to be at a loss for words.
“Wha…what did you say?” Dad finally managed to ask.
“I know about the graveyard,” I repeated, my breathing becoming normal once again.
“What graveyard, Potter?” Snape asked.
“Well, I don’t know its actual name, sir. I think you all know what I’m talking about, though,” I said, raising a shaky hand to push my sweaty hair out of my eyes.
“Lily, I think you just had an odd nightmare,” Dad said.
I could tell by the way Dumbledore shifted in his portrait and Snape looked at his desk that my dad was trying to cover up his previous shock from my comment. Well, I wasn’t going to fall for that. “No, Dad, I think you want me to think that. But she told me! She told me it was the Past and I know it was you! Your scar was almost glowing against your skin,” I said, strolling up to Snape’s desk.
“Miss Potter, you are breaking curfew yet again! Will you ever learn”“ Snape began, but I cut him off.
“Who is the Spare?” I asked.
“My goodness!” Dumbledore whispered. Dad’s eyes started watering and he looked away while Snape attempted to quickly recover from dropping his jaw.
“Potter, how dare you interrupt me! I’m…” he began again, but I ignored him.
“Fine then! Who is Tom Riddle?” I asked, watching all three men’s reactions. Dumbledore gazed at me, his blue eyes searching; Snape sat in his seat, frozen in shock; but Dad sprang up.
“Lillian Ginevra Potter, if you ever, EVER, say that name in my presence again, you will regret it,” he whispered, his eyes blazing with anger.
It was my turn to drop my jaw in shock. My father was…threatening me. I felt tears welling up, but I willed them not to fall. I just formed my face into the coldest expression I could muster and glared at him.
“Harry!” Dumbledore said in a scolding tone.
I saw his eyes widen and soften and he reached for me. I slapped his hand away, glared at them all coolly, and spun around.
“Lily,” he whispered as I stormed out and slammed the door.
As soon as I descended the stairs, the tears I had been holding in began falling and I ran all the way back to the common room, trying to suppress my gut wrenching sobs.
***
I knew the guys couldn’t come into our dorms, but I never heard anything about jinxes on the boys’ dorms. So I ran up the stairs until I reached the Third Year dormitory. Quietly, I opened the door and searched for red hair. Spying Siri, I hurried over and woke him up.
“Lily?” he asked groggily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
I put my fingers to my lips and pointed down. He nodded and followed me down to the common room. I fell into an armchair near the dying fire and just stared at the embers, waiting for Siri to fully wake up.
“Merlin! Lily, what’s wrong? You’re crying! What happened?” he asked, crouching in front of me.
Shaking, I told him the entire story: the dream, the woman’s advice, and the events in Snape’s office. Siri just sat there, frozen in shock and confusion. I wiped a tear off my cheek. “It’s like he forgot I was his daughter, Siri! I’ve never, ever seen him look like that! His voice was different, too, like he was talking to an enemy,” I said, sniffing.
“I…I can’t believe…oh man,” he said, moving to the chair across from me. He ran a hand through his hair and I noticed that he was shaking.
“Siri, what’s happening to me? Why am I dreaming about these things?” I asked.
He shook his head and I saw confusion all over his face. I grabbed his hand to offer some comfort and to receive some as well.
“Hello, young Potters. I was hoping you’d be awake, Lily,” Dumbledore said from the painting above the fireplace.
“Did you think I’d be able to sleep after what just happened?” I asked, another tear falling down my cheek.
“No, my dear,” he said, softly. I thought for a moment that his voice sounded strained, as if he was trying to hide emotion.
“How long have you been listening?” I asked him.
He smiled a sad smile. “Long enough to make sense of things,” he said.
“Glad to know someone knows what the bloody hell is going on,” Siri mumbled, yawning.
“Unfortunately, I meant this particular instance involving your father. I’m afraid I do not know why you are dreaming these things, Lily,” Dumbledore said.
My chest deflated a bit; I was hoping he was going to explain everything to me. He just gave me the impression he knew and understood everything.
“I’m going to talk to Dad,” Siri said, standing up.
“I don’t think that would be wise at this time, Mr. Potter. Your father is dealing with many emotions and a visit from his enraged son would not help the matter,” Dumbledore told him.
I sighed. I knew he was right, but I also had no intention of speaking to Dad ever again. From now on, he was just my teacher, nothing more; from now on, I have no father.
“Sir, can you tell me about the graveyard I saw?” I asked.
He watched me for a moment. “Miss Potter, I cannot tell you about something I did not witness,” he said and I dropped my head.
“Why was he even there?” I asked.
Dumbledore sighed heavily, causing me to look at Siri in surprise. “I can’t answer that because I feel this is something you should hear in complete detail, and the only person who can tell you that is your father.”
“Like that will ever happen,” I said, suppressing a snort.
“I believe it will, Lily. I know that you and your family are all digging into your parents’ past. I want you both to know that I do not approve of keeping secrets from those you love; from personal experience, I can tell you it is extremely foolish,” Dumbledore said, staring at both Siri and me.
“Dad’s keeping stuff from us!” Siri said.
“I’m aware of that, Sirius. I told him the same thing, but let me also add this: Because your parents have chosen to withhold the truth, I encourage you to seek it out. Eventually, you will all meet in the middle and maybe teach each other something in the process. But it is late and I must return to the Headmaster’s office. I just wanted to make sure you were in good hands, Lily,” Dumbledore said, standing up.
“Wait!” I said, jumping up. “You never answered my question, sir!”
Dumbledore smiled slightly. “He was there, Lily, because that is where he was needed,” he said, disappearing from the frame.
“What the bloody hell did that mean?” Siri asked, yawning.
“I don’t know, Siri. I think I might know who does, but she delivers answers the same way Dumbledore does,” I said, heading up the stairs.
***
“Look, Lily, I know you don’t want to tell me what the deal with you and your dad is, but could you at least stop sending him a death glare?” Mack hissed while Professor Potter wrote on the bored.
“No,” I said, simply.
We were sitting in Defense class again, still reviewing proper execution of dueling. The End of Term exams were next week, so I had to pay attention despite my urge to vomit every time I heard Potter’s voice. Sarah and Mack had to drag me to class today and I was not happy about being here.
“As long as you all know and understand a proper duel, you will do fine next week. Have a good weekend,” Professor Potter said.
Sarah, Mack, and I jumped up and I practically sprinted to the door.
“Miss Potter, can I have a word please?”
I didn’t stop or turn around; I just kept walking out the door.
“Lily!”
I forced myself to keep moving toward the Great Hall; I needed to talk to Siri and I needed to do it now. I saw him heading to the doorway to the Great Hall and I quickly sent purple sparks his way to get his attention. Bry noticed too and stopped beside Siri. They came over and I pulled them out of the path of the students heading to dinner.
“How hungry are you?” I asked.
“I could wait, I guess. What’s up?” Siri asked.
“He’s trying to talk to me!” I said as Bry watched us curiously.
“He told Mum, you know. She asked me how you were reacting,” Siri told me.
“What’s going on?” Bry asked.
“Come on, let’s go to the Astronomy Tower for some privacy,” Siri said, leading the way.
I brought Bry up to speed along the way, making him promise that he wasn’t going to tell anyone, not even family.
“Okay, so you’re still having those dreams and now you’re telling me you’re actually reliving Dad’s memories? That’s really rare, Lils! I think I may have read about this before…can’t remember the book though,” Bry rambled.
“So, Lily, what’s the real problem?” Siri asked, sitting down and leaning his back against the wall.
Bry and I joined him and they both watched me, waiting for my response. “Well, we’re going home next Saturday,” I said, playing with a thread on my robes.
“Yeah, it’s called holidays, Lils,” Bry said, grinning.
I glared at him. “When did you become so witty?”
He smirked. “I’ve been hanging around you all too much!”
“Ha ha! What I meant was, once we get home, they’re going to corner me,” I said.
“So? Even if they do they can’t force you to stop dreaming these things. It’s not as if you have control over it, right?” Siri asked.
I shook my head. No, I didn’t have any control over any of my dreams; no matter how hard I tried, I just kept replaying the same two dreams in my mind every night. It was becoming tedious: some nights I’d like to get some actual sleep.
“Is it always exactly the same?” Bry asked.
“Yup. No matter what I try, I always see the same things,” I said, throwing my hands up in frustration. The boys became quiet as my frustration grew to the point where sitting couldn’t contain it.
“This woman, she only talks to you after you see whatever it is you’re seeing?” Bry asked.
“Yes, and I can never talk. It’s like I don’t have a voice that she can hear. And I did what she told me: I asked Dad and he didn’t answer, like she said he would,” I said, joining them on the floor again.
“That doesn’t make sense,” Siri said.
“Well, what if Dad’s not the ‘him’ she was referring to? Or maybe ‘tell you’ doesn’t mean using words,” Bry suggested.
I let his words was over me. Maybe both ways were right: perhaps it’s a different ‘him’ and the answer isn’t cut and dry.
“I’m going to snag the last bit of dinner, you two coming?” Siri asked, standing up.
Bry nodded but I shook my head. “I’m going to the Library,” I said.
“That’s the thing Mum and Dad are going to make you stop doing, Lily…snooping,” Bry said, smiling.
I shoved them down the hall and headed to the Library.
***
Normally, I head straight to the Prophet Archives, but today I had other plans. I drew a deep breath and approached Madam Reed at her counter.
“Madam Reed?” I asked.
She turned and glared at me. “You! What do you want?” she asked.
“Um…we’re studying Voldemort in History of Magic and I was wondering if you could show me where I could find some additional reading?” I asked her.
She huffed, but led me to a far corner of the Reference Section. No one was on this side of the room and the books had many layers of dust on them. She pointed to the bottom two shelves on the rack farthest to the back. “These are the only books about Voldemort we have here. You can’t check them out, so don’t try to take them with you when you leave,” she said, walking away.
I sat down and traced the books with my fingers. They looked forgotten and I almost felt bad for them. Almost…they were just books after all. I picked up A Brief Look at the Dark Wizard, Voldemort and went to an armchair by the window. As late afternoon sunlight poured on my shoulders, I began reading.
An hour later, my eyes were burning and I was rapidly losing interest. Briefly wishing I was more like Bry, I went to close the book when something caught my eye on the bottom of the page:
It is widely known that Voldemort disappeared after the attempted murdered of young Harry Potter. What is not commonly known is that in the year 1994, Voldemort found himself in human form again outside the village of Little Hangleton.
Few details are known of the events leading to this shocking revelation, but the potion used to aide his return exploited a degree of Dark Magic previously thought impossible. The ability to use such a dangerous potion successfully provides proof that Voldemort was the darkest of Dark Wizards to ever exist.
I scanned further to see if the potion was ever named, but I didn’t find anything. I was confused by this information. For some reason, I felt a connection to the event, I just could figure out why.
“Miss Potter, the Library is closing now. You need to return to your dormitory,” Madam Reed said, approaching me.
I nodded and returned the book to the shelf. The torches began dimming as I exited the Library and I knew curfew was approaching, so I quickened my pace through the corridors.
“I was wondering when you’d be back. Where were you?” Mack asked as I entered the common room.
“The Library, and you’ll never guess what I found!” I said, gesturing the boys over.
As soon as the group gathered, I launched into an explanation of what I had read earlier. I was relieved to see they were all just as confused as I was.
“Does anyone else feel like the more we find out, the more confused we become?” James asked.
We all nodded.
“I’m going to bed. Goodnight,” I said, heading upstairs. I heard Mack and Sarah follow me and we climbed into bed in silence. I knew they were trying to grasp the new information and I was hoping that I’d get a peaceful night’s sleep for once.
To Find the Truth by hopelesslyhopeful
Chapter Notes: Harry, Snape and Dumbledore react to Lily's dream, new information is discovered and Lily is forced to view her father in a new light.