Chapter 24 – Reconciliation
I woke up in an unfamiliar room draped in darkness. Before panic could surface, I heard soft, steady breathing beside me and turned to find my mum sleeping peacefully. The stupid demon attack came back to me and suddenly I felt sore everywhere. It was too dark for me to actually see my wounds but I could feel every scrape, cut and bruise I had acquired. A sudden rush of emotions caused me to almost wake Mum and have her comfort me but she was sleeping so soundly and I knew she rarely had that opportunity. Perhaps Dad was still awake?
Slowly, and with as little sound as possible, I slid out of bed and tip-toed to the door. As I reached for the knob, a low murmur reached my ears. I waited a moment and then heard another murmur, just as quiet but the tone was different. Surely I could nudge the door open just enough to hear the conversation without being noticed?
“ – figure out something to protect her but I can’t think of anything. I mean, I’ve felt helpless before, Hermione, you’ve see it but this is completely different!” I heard my dad whisper.
Aunt Hermione didn’t say anything but I assumed she must have nodded. I nudged the door open a little further so I could actually see what was going on. Dad was sitting in his worn armchair. His elbow was propped up on the arm rest and his palm was currently holding his head up. Aunt Hermione was sitting straight across from him wearing an expression torn between pity and understanding. Neither of them had a view of the door which made my eavesdropping opportunity perfect.
“You were here, you saw her thrashing around on the couch,” he continued, “and there wasn’t a thing we could do for her!”
Aunt Hermione nodded. “I know, Harry,” she whispered.
“Gods, those screams are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I’m her father, for Merlin’s sake! My whole purpose is to protect her from ever finding herself in a situation to scream that painfully,” he growled out. “It was heart-wrenching and seeing her eyes so wide and fearful didn’t help one bit either.”
“We’ll figure this out, Harry. We’ve always managed to find a solution before, I don’t see why we wouldn’t be able to now. I’ll talk to Severus and see if I can have a look at all the literature he has pertaining to Transcenders. And I’ll delve into some Divination texts too, just to see if there’s some way we can help Lily while she’s…Seeing,” Hermione assured.
Dad’s face broke into a smile and he stood up to hug Hermione. He whispered something that made her laugh before pulling away. She looked like she was going to continue but there was a sudden knock on the nearby door. Dad pierced Hermione with a questioning look before grabbing his wand. He walked over and opened the door to reveal my former best friends and brothers looking quite upset.
“Un – Uncl – Uncle H – Har – Harry,” Sarah managed to squeak out between sobs before my dad ushered them inside.
“What’s going on?” Hermione asked an extremely pale Brian.
“Um, well, the thing is…” his voice trailed off as he brushed his tears off his cheek.
“We’ve lost Lily!” Mack blurted out before bursting into sobs.
“What on earth are you talking about?” Dad asked, pushing the herd towards the couch and chairs.
“It’s my fault. I sort of yelled at her earlier this morning and then ignored her all day. I know it was wrong but I’m just so tired of her being in her own head and not caring about her friends,” Sarah managed to say between sniffles.
“Sarah, you didn’t tell her that did you?” Aunt Hermione asked with a disapproving tone.
Sarah just shrugged and cast a look at Mack. Siri and Bry suddenly became interested in the floor and effectively avoided making eye contact with either adult.
“We know it wasn’t really the best thing to do, but we were just so tired of everything. I was planning on apologizing after dinner, I really was. I just wanted her to think about someone other than herself for a few hours,” Sarah admitted, her cheeks flushed.
“Sarah Rose Weasley! What an awful thing to do to your cousin!” Aunt Hermione hissed.
Sarah nodded. “I know, but like I said I was going to apologize after we got back from dinner, but she wasn’t in the dorm. Mack and I tracked down Siri and he said he hadn’t seen her all day and then we went to find Bry and he hadn’t seen her either. I’m just really worried something horrible has happened to her,” she explained between her sobs.
I watched Sarah’s confession with boiling rage. How dare she? How can she run to my father to make her feel better for being an awful friend to me? And then he forgives her and she gets to go back to being a regular First Year! And I’m the selfish one? I’m tired of this too! I wish I could run to some adult and have them fix my life but I don’t have that option. That final thought pushed me into action.
“You two-faced, selfish, stuck up…bi”
“HEY!” Dad’s yell cut off my insult, but I was not to be stopped entirely.
I stomped over to Sarah, feeling my anger radiating off of me and not caring one bit. Her blue eyes were wide and fearful and she flinched when I stopped right in front of her.
“You sit here unburdened, unharmed and pretend to give a damn what’s going on with me? If you really cared you wouldn’t have said what you did this morning. You knew full well how much your little speech would hurt me but you did it anyway” I hissed before turning to face the room at large. “Have any of you thought, for one second about me? How tired of dealing with this I am? How positively frightened I am to even fall asleep every night? Do you have any idea how depressing it is to be terrified of sleeping? Simply sleeping! Do any of you understand what it’s like to have a nice little chat with a dying man in a cellar? Have you slipped in a pool of blood and vomit this year? Or how about witnessing your father being tortured by Voldemort? Have you had to hear his screams as Death Eaters surround him?” I screamed, causing my Mum to come rushing into the room but still I went on. “And that, Mack and Sarah, is why I am the exact opposite of selfish! If you even knew half of what I’m going through, neither of you would be able to sleep through the night. That’s why I don’t say anything! I don’t want you guys to have to deal with the horrors that I have the privilege of witnessing every night. Silly me, putting the well-being of the people I care about in front of my own! Well, I’ll stop doing that from now on if that’s what you want. I’ll tell you ever last detail so you can cringe and cry and be afraid to close your eyes just like me! If you want to suffer, I’ve got more than enough information to provide. I can help you feel just as miserable and hopeless as I do every single day!” I finished, chest heaving and tears streaming steadily down my face.
Mum’s hand was covering her mouth and her own tears were visible. Sarah couldn’t meet my gaze and Mack’s cheeks were so red I thought I could feel their heat. Bry had collapsed onto the floor, his teary eyes looking at me with such pity it made me sick. Aunt Hermione was visibly shaking with the effort to control her sobbing, her eyes so red I could barely see her brown irises. Dad’s green eyes were teary and his mouth partially opened in an expression of surprise. But Siri was who drew most of my attention…he was crying. Not silently like my mom but loud, gut-wrenching sobs that oddly made the silent room seem more quiet. I watched as he finally lost the energy to remain standing and sank onto the floor next to Bry.
As the silence stretched on I began to feel slightly embarrassed about my outburst. It’s not like my display of temper was completely out of character. Everyone present has witnessed something similar to this at some point, except for Mack. I was more ashamed of the things I had said, specifically the examples I gave. Prior to this moment, I had never really revealed many details. My reasoning for that was, funnily enough, I didn’t want the reactions I was getting right now.
Both Mum and Dad moved toward me at the same moment, but Dad reached me first and scooped me up and squeezed me so tightly I squeaked.
“Stop that, Harry. She’s still hurt!” Mum scolded, forcing Dad to put me down. Then she proceeded to squeeze me just as tightly.
“Please stop hugging me, Mum. It really hurts!” I said with a wince.
Mum immediately pushed me away and began prodding my injuries, watching my face for the reactions. “Hmm, I’ll go get some more cream for you,” she said, kissing the top of my head before leaving the room.
I turned to face the still tear-stained faces of everyone. Dad kneeled down and scrutinized me. “Are you okay, honey?” he asked, his voice sounding scratchy.
I shrugged and then nodded.
“That’s my girl. I’m going to go talk to Hermione for a moment. I’ll be right over there if you need me, okay?” he asked, indicating the room Mum had just entered.
I nodded again. He leaned over to hug me. “Let them comfort you, honey. Please don’t harden your heart,” he whispered. My back went stiff at his words but I didn’t respond.
As soon as Dad and Aunt Hermione joined Mum in the guest room I faced my…friends. The crying had stopped and Sarah could actually meet my eyes now. I fought the desire to walk away and stood up straighter.
Siri and Bry stood up and rushed toward me but I stepped back. I hurt all over and another crushing hug would probably knock me out for the remainder of the night. They stopped just in front of me, both wearing expressions of pure hurt.
“Don’t look at me like that! You two were going to give me a bone crushing hug and I’m pretty beat up at the moment. If you want me to remain conscious, you’ll need to hold back any physical displays of apologizing,” I explained.
Bry nodded and simply squeezed my hand softly. “You look awful,” he said.
I smiled. “I feel worse,” I admitted.
Siri cleared his throat and shifted his feet. “What happened to you?”
“I’m done talking to you guys about anything I dream about from now on. I don’t want to keep sounding all selfish and wrapped up in myself,” I said.
Sarah flinched and choked back a sob before both her and Mack uttered, “I’m so, so sorry!”
I barely fought down the urge to say something mean to her and simply sighed instead. “I know but that doesn’t make it hurt any less,” I admitted.
Sarah nodded and reached for my free hand. Reluctantly, I let her hold my hand and found myself suddenly feeling lighter.
“Lily…I’ve been an awful brother,” Siri confessed.
I simply gazed at him without responding. Dad asked me to hear them out, he didn’t say I had to make things easier for them.
“Right, well, so I would apologize for that but I know it won’t begin to make things better,” he continued, concern written all over his face.
I merely nodded.
“From now on though, I’m going to do better. I promise,” he said.
“Okay,” I stated.
He nodded then and nudged Bry away from me. “I’m going to hug you now but I won’t squeeze you. And then you’re going to let everyone else hug you too because, well you need some hugs. But no one is going to hurt you, right?” he said, glaring at everyone in the room.
Despite the ridiculous and recently rare display of big brother protectiveness, I smiled and nodded before hugging each of my friends. And afterwards I felt the bubble of happiness inside me grow, until I flashed a truly radiant smile.
****
It’s amazing how a little explosive emotional display can clear the air. We all spent the day in Dad’s rooms doing homework and studying for our upcoming exams. Mum stayed at Hogwarts too. She told me that she wasn’t needed at the hospital but I didn’t think that was exactly true. Mum was always needed at the hospital for something, but it was nice to know that nothing would take her away from me for now.
“Do you kids want to go to the Great Hall for dinner or would you like for me to have some dinner brought here?” Mum asked that evening.
Sarah, Mack and I were lying on the floor in front of the fireplace, testing each other on potion ingredients. “I don’t want to go to the Great Hall. I’m not ready for people to see me,” I admitted.
“You don’t look half as bad now as you did this morning, Lils,” Siri said from Dad’s armchair. He kept his head down as he spoke, the open Charms book on his lap seeming to hold his attention.
“You mean it doesn’t look like I was viciously attacked anymore? What does it look like now then? An unfortunate run in with an angry tree?” I asked.
There was an odd choking sound and we all turned our heads in the direction of my Dad. He was sitting behind a desk in the far corner of the room with his head bent over an old book. And his shoulders were shaking for some reason.
Mack, Sarah and I exchanged questioning glances before Brian spoke up. “You okay, Dad?” he asked.
My Dad lifted his head and I was surprised to see a smile stretching across his face. He had been laughing! “An unfortunate run in with an angry tree,” he said before chuckling again.
I smiled before facing Mum again. “I suppose I can’t stay hidden away forever though. Do you think we should go to dinner? Jake, Katy and James are probably worried,” I said, realizing for the first time that none of them were present.
Mum shook her head and sat down beside me. She pulled me close and stroked my hair for a moment before piercing with a searching look. “Hermione has spoken with them, so they know you are with us and that you are fine. I think you should go to breakfast tomorrow, but staying here tonight would be best. I’m also going to have you take another Dreamless Sleep potion tonight. Normally I wouldn’t recommend such constant dosing, but you’ll most likely have some vicious nightmares and you need your rest,” she said.
I nodded since I had assumed she would want me to take the potion again. The previous light mood had disappeared and Dad’s smile was gone. I sighed and rested my head against Mum’s shoulder. I really just wanted the year to be over so I could go home and pretend that everything was normal again.
Dad’s throat clearing caused me to sit up and look at him. He had a small smile on his face as he approached our group on the floor. Bry and Siri had closed their books and were silently watching Dad cross the room.
“I have a question for young Miss Potter,” Dad said.
I quickly glanced at Siri and Bry to see them exchanging grins before focusing on my Dad again. “What?” I asked.
“You haven’t mentioned anything about what you want for your birthday,” he chuckled.
I stared at my Mum in shock. My birthday! I completely forgot my birthday would be in two days. I was going to be twelve in two days!
“I forgot about that,” I said, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice.
Mack snorted. “I wonder how that could happen!” she said.
I playfully smacked her arm causing her to smile before facing my Mum again. “Is it weird that I feel older than twelve?” I asked her.
Mum shook her head before wrapping her arms around me. “Not at all, dear. Believe me when I say, that is a feeling your father and I are all too familiar with,” she whispered.
I nodded against her chest while choking back tears. “I want a brand new broomstick. And I don’t want the kiddie version either. I want one that’s top of the line, professional grade, capable of zero to deathly fast in the blink of an eye,” I said, pulling away from Mum and grinning.
Sarah and Mack nodded in approval while Mum scowled. “You could break your neck flying a broom like that!” she said sternly.
“Well, how about a unicorn colt then? I’ve always wanted one of those,” I suggested.
“Lily, you can’t have a unicorn. Those are a Ministry protected species and they are not meant to be domesticated,” Bry said, shaking his head.
I shrugged and tried to keep a smile from forming on my face. “I think both options are entirely reasonable. I also want to go shopping this summer, and not just for school robes either. I would like to get some dress robes and a few muggle outfits,” I added thoughtfully.
Dad’s grin vanished. “Absolutely not, Lily. I’ve seen what Muggle girls wear and I’m not letting you out in public looking anything like that,” he said.
I stood up and shrugged. “Fine, then I’ll just ask for money from every relative and use it to buy whatever I want. Is the potion on the nightstand, Mum? I’m getting tired so I think I’ll go to bed now. Good night!” I said before hugging Sarah and Mack and pecking Bry and Siri on the cheek.
My Dad wore an expression between amusement and irritation as I kissed his cheek. “Sometimes it’s kind of nice to be a normal kid,” I whispered in his ear before flashing a smile.
Dad’s green eyes looked a little watery as he ruffled my hair. “I bet it is, sweetie,” he said softly.
Mum gave me a watery smile before taking my hand and leading me into the spare bedroom and handing me the potion. She waited as I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed before tucking me in. She pierced me with such an intense look I thought I was about to be scolded for my antics, but she simply shook her head.
“You are so much stronger than you realize, sweetie. Sleep well and I’ll be here when you wake up,” she said before kissing my cheek.
I nodded and watched her silhouette leave the room. I briefly heard her tell everyone else to get back to their dorms before I drifted off into a blissfully dreamless sleep.
To Find the Truth by hopelesslyhopeful
Chapter Notes: Is there a word to describe how overdue this is? Due to the outcome of DH I debated on continuing this story...but I finally figured the way JKR ended the series didn't mean I couldn't continue this story. Hopefully people will remember and are still interested...and I'm so sorry I didn't do this sooner. Enjoy!