Torn by dumbledorefluertwins
Chapter Notes: **Sobs** This is the last chapter. I can't say I've had fun writing this, because it's not a "fun" type of fic, but it's been truely amazing and awe-inspiring to write. I want to thank everyone who reviewed this but especially my beta, Abbi, Babekitty_92, for being so helpful.
I hope you all enjoy the last chapter, as this one isn't so much of a tear jerker, more of a proud smile jerker. ;)
I'll miss writing this!
~Evie
I sat outside, underneath the Crabapple tree in the centre of the garden, peacefully reading an old, battered journal. This journal had been pressed into my hands by my Uncle Ron, saying that it had been found in my father’s coat pocket.
Ginny has just told me that the baby will be a girl. I want to name her after my mother, but I don’t want her to be in the limelight more than she needs to be when she’s older. The name Lily Potter, or even Lillian Potter, will just yell out daughter of the Chosen One.
We’re going to ask the Ministry to ensure that every photograph of her is blurred so that hopefully she won’t be recognised at Hogwarts, apart from when a teacher calls her by her second name, of course. But then, I suppose ‘Potter’ is quite a popular name, so maybe even that won’t matter too much. I’m not sure our request will go very far, but it’s worth a shot.
I think we’ll name her after a flower, after Mum, but not Rose. I’ve never liked that name. It seems too… fake. Obviously Narcissa and Pansy are out of the question. I would quite like her to be called Daisy. It seems like a cheeky, lively name, and that’s precisely what I want my little girl to be “ full of life.
I’ll have to ask Ginny about it, though. At the moment she’s coming up with really bizarre names that all have random and pointless meanings. I knew getting her that baby name book was a mistake.
I laughed softly, vaguely wondering what my name could have been if Mum had chosen it from her baby name book.
…and that’s what I want my little girl to be “ full of life.
I felt guilt rise in the pit of my stomach as I heard the words echo in my head. He did desperately want me to go to Hogwarts… I can remember him telling me stories of it, his face alight with excitement… he loved it there and wanted me to love it too…
Well it’s too late! I told myself stubbornly. I wasn’t eleven anymore, the chance had come and gone.
But they would still let you in… I shut my eyes tight, desperately trying to block out my own, unwanted thoughts. I opened them, and flicked to the next entry in the book.
Ginny’s now in labour and… I’m terrified. Horntail? Easy. Voldemort? Piece of cake. Wife in labour? A completely different story. The Healers won’t let me in, for Merlin’s sake! What am I supposed to do? Sit there and twiddle my thumbs? They should know that leaving me outside the room, which they keep rushing in and out of with panicked looks on their faces, isn’t exactly helping my nerves.
It’ll be worth it though, when little Daisy’s born. Watching her grow, say her first word, take her first steps, go to Hogwarts “
I slammed the journal shut and stared at the red cover. My dad, at some point, had written on the front ‘Harry’s Journal “ not a diary, a JOURNAL.’
Could I really go to Hogwarts? What was stopping me? Obviously Harriet and Mum… But hadn’t I been assured that they would be looked after? Hadn’t I been told that the family would take it in turns to use their days of caring for them? Hadn’t I been told that I could come home at weekends and Hogsmeade days? But always there was that lingering doubt at the back of my mind, a doubt that I hadn’t expressed to anyone, not even my Aunt… I didn’t think I’d be able to fit in there.
Sure, I’m friendly enough; I have loads of Muggle friends down in the village. But would people at Hogwarts be able to see past the oh-so tragically burdened daughter of Harry Potter? Would the teachers understand that no, I didn’t want to talk about my problems? Would they understand about Harri and Mum? Something told me that none of these questions had the answer “yes”.
…go to Hogwarts. I nodded my mind made up. I got up and marched into the kitchen, where my Uncle Ron was setting up a still life for Harri.
“What’s up, kid?”
“Are you sure that Harri would be looked after? That you and everyone else would take turns to take care of her?”
“Yes…” said Uncle Ron slowly, as if not really daring to believe what I was saying.
“Then… I’ll do it. I’ll go to Hogwarts.”
***
I hadn’t been able to go to Diagon Alley. As I’d got out of the Ministry car, a reporter had seen me and as Uncle George always says, they must breed or something because one soon becomes twenty.
Because of this, only Aunt Hermione went into Diagon Alley to get my things. But once it was obvious that neither Uncle Ron nor I were going into the Leaky Cauldron, the reporters decided to harass her instead.
This meant that I wasn’t able to choose my wand, something that I was very disappointed about until Uncle Ron came up to me, carrying a beautifully carved oak box, about the size of a thin shoebox.
“Daisy… we weren’t going to give you this originally because we thought, as you weren’t going to Hogwarts, it would just upset you… And really, you were fine borrowing Hermione’s for lessons… but, we’ve decided that it’s not right to leave it to go dusty in this box, and you’re the one who should have it.” He handed the box to me and I opened it curiously. Inside the box, which was lined with purple velvet, was a wand. I gasped.
“Is this-?” My Uncle nodded.
“Your dad’s wand, yes,” he said, his voice breaking a bit. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. He understands because he goes through the same thing as me. Sometimes, people don’t have to be talked about to be remembered.
***
The fireplace in the Entrance hall burst into bright green flames as my Aunt Hermione and I stepped out, brushing the soot from our shoulders. A smiling Professor Tonks stood there, ready to greet us.
I didn’t get the train because Aunt Hermione didn’t want other students asking me about the funeral, or my dad “ at least not while teachers weren’t around in case I got a bit… annoyed. I’ll get the train next year though, once the novelty’s died down a bit. Uncle Ron says that it will after a while.
“Hello, Daisy. It’s so nice that you could join us this year!” Tonks said to me cheerfully.
“Hello, Tonks- er… Professor,” I replied, blushing a little at my mistake. She laughed.
“You can call me Tonks when we’re on our own, but not in front of other students, okay?” I smiled and nodded. It should be Professor Lupin, really, but seeing as he teaches here as well, she uses her maiden name to avoid confusion.
“The first-years will be here soon, you’ll be sorted with them; the older students are just coming into the hall now,” said Tonks. I turned to Aunt Hermione and hugged her tightly.
“Ron and I are so proud of you! Have a wonderful time and don’t worry about Harriet or your mum, we’ll take good care of them.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, my eyes going watery.
She left as the first-years came in. The looked at me curiously, each one of them looking either terrified or excited. I felt strangely numb. I barely listened to Tonks’ speech; I knew it of by heart anyway; when she’d first got the job of Deputy Head, she’d practiced it for ages to me and my cousins to see if it sounded right. She led the way into the hall and I trailed along at the back of the first-years. I could hear the other students muttering and whispering, some even laughing. I knew that I must look funny; a tall, thirteen-year-old witch being sorted with a bunch of first-years. I felt too nervous to be embarrassed though.
The atmosphere changed completely when Tonks called out my name.
“Potter? Daisy Potter?”
“No way…”
“I thought that she refused to come to Hogwarts?”
I shuffled over sheepishly. Tonks smiled at me reassuringly, as did Lupin up at the head table. I felt warmth pass through me at their kind faces and I sat on the stool with a strange new confidence. Tonks place the hat on my head, but it didn’t go over my eyes like it had with the other students. I shut my eyes anyway so that I didn’t have to look at that terrifying sea of students, all craning to get a good look at me as if I was an animal in a zoo.
“Aaaah, Daisy Potter… I’ve been waiting for you to come here for a long time…” said the Sorting Hat in my ear.
“Now, let’s see… The obvious place to put you would be Gryffindor; you have amazing determination, my dear, and will go through anything to help others. And bravery, lot’s of that, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Gryffindor… You have a temper “ oh, yes! A fearsome temper! But you can also be very patient when the situation calls for it… That’s interesting… You have doubt in yourself, you don’t think you can live up to your parents. Oh trust me, with brains like this you will do… Your biggest quality, however, is your burning desire to do good for other people, even if it means sacrificing something for yourself… Well, there’s only one house for you “ HUFFLEPUFF!” I opened my eyes as the Hat roared out my house and the Hall gasped in surprise and shock. I knew they expected me to be in Gryffindor but I didn’t care.
I grinned manically and practically skipped down to the Hufflepuff table, overwhelmed at the thought that I might not turn out how everyone expected me to. I sat at the Hufflepuff table, the Hufflepuffs themselves cheering and shouting loudly, looking over at the dumbfounded Gryffindors smugly.
I found myself laughing “ I’m not quite sure what at, but it felt so good. For once in my life, I was not forcing out a laugh, nor was it a small giggle. I was actually laughing loudly and excitedly, my stomach beginning to hurt from laughing so much. The cheering died down as the sorting continued, but the smug grins and respectful glances at me did not.
As the feast started, a dark-skinned girl with the most gorgeous long black hair came over to me, smiling kindly. She held out her hand, and I shook it as she introduced herself.
“Hi, I’m Libby! It’s great to see you here in Hogwarts, let alone Hufflepuff! I expect you’ll be in my dormitory, because we’re the only third year dorm to have a spare bed.”
“I’m Daisy- well, you already knew that, but it’s so nice to have someone introduce themselves without gawping at me. Libby’s a lovely name “ is it short for something?” She blushed slightly and nodded, grinning embarrassedly.
“Yes, it is. It’s short for Liberty “ don’t ask, I have odd parents. My brother’s called Paris! I don’t know what they were thinking when they named us “ d’you mind if I sit with you? I want to know what this new dorm member’s going to be like.”
“Sure,” I laughed, gesturing to the seat next to me.
“Do tell me to shut-up if I start rambling; I do it all the time, and I usually say something really embarrassing “ I have a big gob like that. This one time, me and Jenny, oh, you don’t know her, she’s in the same dorm as me, and you too, hopefully, she’s really nice, any way, me and Jenny…” As I sat there, listening with amusement to Libby’s monologue, I felt the true warmth and friendliness of Hogwarts pass through me; from the delicious food served in the fine plates in front of me, to the amazing chanted ceiling currently showing a glorious sunset.
Maybe life with a depressed mother and an Autistic sister doesn’t have to be so bad after all. Maybe I could live freely like others. Sure, my life is a lot more complicated, but I can deal with it. All I know at the moment is that now, I don’t feel so torn.
The End.