‘Ara Grey,’ Lily said, as if she was trying the name on her tongue. ‘No, I’ve never heard that name before.’
It was hours later, and we were sat huddled on the covers of my bed, whispering together in the darkness, the gentle snores of the others sounding around us.
Lily had found me not long after I had climbed shaking into my bed. Ripping back the covers, she had opened her mouth as if to demand what on Earth had gone on downstairs and why I did not stay to sit with her and the boys like I usually did. But she had stopped short when she saw my face and how I was quivering uncontrollably, and her anger turned at once into concern. I wished it hadn’t. She had asked me what was the matter and if she should get some help, in the same worried voice that the Fat Lady had used. I hesitated before I answered, wondering if I should tell her what I had really experienced and remembering her scepticism when it came to things like this, but then I thought of how she had reacted before, when I told her what happened in that Divination lesson and somehow I knew she’d accept it, as strange as it seemed.
She had listened with rapt attention as I told her everything that had happened, how I had been climbing the stairs behind the tapestry and the dizziness I had felt, and then suddenly, how I found myself in that other place, that other time. After I had finished telling my outlandish tale, we sat there in silence for a while, the curtains pulled around my bed and listened as Ceres, Olivia, and Amelia came up the stairs to get ready for bed. At long last, she had broken the silence.
‘That’s some evening you’ve had,’ she said, and I laughed. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, a weight whose presence I hadn’t acknowledged or known I was carrying, but had in fact been pressing me to the ground since I had come back to myself in front of the Fat Lady’s portrait. Subconsciously, I had known that Lily would believe me and not scorn me or call me stupid, and vaguely, I wondered why I had ever doubted that she would.
‘I know,’ I murmured in agreement. ‘It came as a bit of a shock, I can tell you.’
I had then asked her if she had ever heard of someone with that name before, which brought us to our present conversation.
‘No, I hadn’t heard of her, either,’ I said. ‘Though I suppose if she’d ever done something she’d be listed by her married name. They all got married back then, didn’t they?’
‘That’s true,’ Lily said. ‘Are you thinking of looking her up, then?’
‘Can’t hurt, can it?’ I said, pulling the blanket tighter around myself. ‘I want to know who she was, and I might find something that’ll tell me why I’m reliving bits of her life.’
‘How’re you going to do that if you don’t know what her married name was?’
‘She might have been something at school,’ I replied. ‘You know, like a Prefect, or exceptional at Charms or something. Did they have Prefects back then?’ I added as an afterthought.
‘No idea,’ Lily replied. ‘Can’t hurt to look though, like you said.’ We were both silent for a moment, wrapped up in our own thoughts, before Lily spoke again, ‘Do you think you should tell your Divination teacher? Professor Whatshername?’
‘Professor Sye? Hmm, I dunno,’ I said. I hadn’t really thought about telling anyone else, and I didn’t particularly want to, even though this sort of thing was supposed to be her area of expertise. It felt like it was something private and personal, something I wanted to share only with someone close to me, and I didn’t feel like Professor Sye was that.
‘Just, you don’t really know what’s happening,’ Lily said, shifting uncomfortably on the bottom of my bed. ‘Anything could go wrong, if you’ve never experienced flashbacks like this before, and you can’t control what happens in them.’
‘Mmm.’ I thought that Lily did have a point, but I was reluctant to let anyone else in on my secret.
‘Just think about it, okay?’ Lily said, and I felt the springs rise as she got off the bed. ‘Night, Clariss.’
‘Night.’ She pulled the hangings back around my bed, and I turned onto my side, listening to her footsteps crossing the room and the rustle of fabric as she got into bed. Then, all was silent.
That weekend, I rose early, something that was incredibly rare for me. When I didn’t have lessons, I usually woke no earlier than ten. But today I had something I wanted to do. Since my flashback in the week, I had been thinking non-stop about the girl, Ara Grey. Who had she been? When had she lived? And most particularly, why had I slipped back in time to her life? I didn’t expect to find the exact answer to that question, but I might find a book or two on something along the lines of what I had experienced. I was less interested in the other girl, Annie, though I had given her some thought. It was mainly because I had become Ara and seen and felt everything from her point of view that I was desperate to learn more about her, and this was why I was headed to the Library and the Trophy Room today.
As I dressed and scribbled a note to Lily to explain where I’d gone (she’d be incredibly surprised and probably slightly worried if she woke up to find my bed empty), I felt a sort of thrill of excitement and butterflies in my stomach. It almost felt like a sense of foreboding. I decided I would head to the Trophy Room first; the Library wasn’t open until nine at the weekends, and that gave me plenty of time to search the large room. It was always unlocked, and I had specifically checked yesterday what time students were allowed to be out in the morning. I had no problem there; it was seven as I left the common room through the portrait hole (I saw the Fat Lady’s eyes following me as I went down the stairs), and students were allowed out at six.
I had only been to the Trophy Room once before, in my first year, just out of curiosity. It wasn’t something that had really interested me since as I had won no prizes to be displayed there, and I had forgotten just how long it was and how high the shelves stretched towards the vaulted ceiling. I stared aghast at the size of it all; centuries upon centuries of prizes and awards, Prefect lists and honours, and I had no idea where to start. I didn’t know what period in time the flashback had taken place; judging by the gowns they had worn and the way they had spoken it could have been any time from the early nineteenth century to the 1200s, though I suspected that it wasn’t quite that far back.
The newest trophies seemed to be those closest to the door, and the dates grew older as I walked in. I suspected that the was designed so that it expanded magically whenever someone came to put a new trophy, as there seemed to be no empty space. Everything was very quiet, and my footsteps echoed loudly around the room as I walked. Pale morning sunlight streamed in from the high windows on the left, illuminating the tiny dust particles that were floating lazily around, and catching on the shiny surfaces of the cups and shields on the higher shelves, making them wink and sparkle in the light. The place had a faint smell of silver polish, mingled with dust and the scent of the oak shelves. It was rather comforting, I thought, and I breathed deeply, steadying my quivering stomach. I had to remind myself not to pin all my hopes on finding something; she could have been a completely unremarkable student and had never done anything to warrant merit or recognition, and I must not expect to find anything this morning, but it was hard not to feel the anticipation.
As I walked further into the room, I passed the huge silver shield that commemorated Lily’s dad defeating Voldemort in the Great Hall. It was beautifully engraved, and it hung proudly on the wall above the shelves, glinting in the morning sun. Next to it was a memorial shield, listing all those who had died that day. I scanned the names, and was surprised to see just how many there were. I had always known people had died; there were whispers that several ghosts that floated around the school had died in the battle, but I hadn’t imagined it would be so many. Their age was listed next to them, and I noticed that many of them were students, barely older than I was now. One of them was Amelia’s uncle, and I saw a few other names that I recognised, too, including a Fred Weasley. Judging by his age, he must have been one of Lily’s Uncle Ron’s brothers. I couldn’t imagine facing what they had, or being as brave as they were and to lay down my life like that. I was just a student, just a child, and so had they been.
I shuddered at the thought of their sacrifice and wondered if I would have been able to do the same. Thanks to them, I would never have to. I stared at the memorial for a few moments, trying to pour out my silent thanks to them before moving on. As I walked, I glanced from left to right to look at the masses of awards that littered the shelves. I saw my mother’s name on a list of Prefects for the year 1997. My father’s and Uncle Percival’s weren’t there; I knew that they had caused too much trouble at school to be considered for Prefects, but I did find my Uncle’s name on a Hufflepuff Quidditch shield. I pulled myself away from searching for any more familiar names; I had come here for a reason, and I moved resolutely on. When I thought I had moved far enough down, I looked at a shield to find the date. 1813. Yes, this would be a good place to start.
Meticulously, I began to check every shield, every medal and trophy, every list of Prefects, Head Boys and Girls, and magical merit awards for a mention of someone called Ara. I jumped every time I saw a name beginning with A, but it was never her. I searched further and further down the room, going from the 1810s to the 1800s and then into the eighteenth century. I searched all the way to the 1400s, but there was nothing. Ara Grey had never won any kind of award or had a position of merit when she was at school, and I began to feel the sinking feeling of disappointment. Angrily, I whirled around; I was not angry that my search yielded nothing, but that I had allowed myself so much hope at finding an answer when I knew that there was a very real possibility that I would find nothing. I could have kept searching back into the fifteenth century, but something told me that I wouldn’t find anything. Ara Grey had been at school later than that.
My stomach suddenly gave a loud rumble, and so I abandoned my search for some breakfast. I would head to the library afterwards. I had hoped that I might find some mention of her name and a rough idea of when she had been at school so that I’d be able to do more research on her life in the library, but it hadn’t quite played out like that. I would just have to do it the hard way. I checked my watch. It was half past nine. I’d been at this for two hours and had found nothing. With a sigh, I left the room and began to climb down the marble staircase to the Great Hall.
‘Find anything?’ Lily whispered as I slipped onto the bench next to her in the Great Hall.
‘No,’ I sighed as I loaded my plate with bacon and eggs. ‘There was nothing.’
‘Well, you didn’t expect to find anything, really, did you?’ Lily said, going back to her sausages, but I could tell from the tone of her voice was slightly disappointed, just like I was. I smiled.
‘No. And I’ve still got the library,’ I told her. ‘I’m going to head there after breakfast.’
‘Oh, please don’t!’ Lily whined.
‘Why?’ I asked, slightly bemused.
‘Because Conor and the other boys are going down to the Quidditch pitch,’ she said. ‘I won’t have anyone to talk to. And anyway, I’d quite like to come, you know, and I don’t fancy the library this early in the morning. I need some fresh air.’
‘Fine, I’ll go after lunch,’ I said with a sigh. In truth, I was rather impatient to be finding something. ‘But if it’s fresh air you want, why don’t you go down to watch the guys?’
Lily made a face. ‘Apparently they’re going with Ollie Fletwock and some other Ravenclaws, so Ceres automatically leaped at the chance. I don’t fancy listening to her prattle on about Ollie for three hours.’
I laughed. ‘Sounds like someone I remember from last year...’
‘Oi!’ she exclaimed. ‘I did not prattle on about Conor.’
‘Not for three hours together, I’ll admit,’ I said, ‘but boy, did you go on. I thought it would finally be over when you just got on with it and snogged him, but no, after that, it got worse! All that crap about trying to find out if he really liked you, or if he just considered you a bit of a snog after a Quidditch match.’
‘Clariss!’ Lily exclaimed. ‘I was not that bad!’
‘Oh, you were,’ I assured her, thoroughly enjoying seeing Lily flustered like this. ‘I’ve changed my mind; I’m going to the library so you can get a taste of your own medicine with Ceres. Ha!’
‘You’re so mean!’ she squeaked, and reached over to hit me playfully on the arm. ‘You wouldn’t dare to do that; I could choose to remark on all the times you’ve gone all goo-goo eyed over Hero, or that time in third year with Andrew Faulkner!’
‘You wouldn’t!’ I said. Andrew had briefly been my boyfriend for a few weeks when I was fourteen and I didn’t particularly want to remember how mushy and soft I’d been over him. ‘Okay, okay, we’re even. I won’t mention Conor-agonies, and I’ll stay with you. You can’t mention anything with Andrew.’
‘Deal,’ Lily said, sticking out her hand. I shook it. ‘Come on.’
I pushed my empty plate away from me and stood up, Lily following suit, and together we walked towards the Entrance Hall and our common room.
‘What do you want to do?’ I asked as we scrambled through the portrait hole when we reached Gryffindor Tower.
‘Don’t mind,’ Lily said. ‘Chess? Snap? I don’t particularly feel like homework. Murray was playing with a pack of cards earlier, he’s probably left them here, somewhere.’
She walked off towards the armchairs by the fire, and I threw myself onto the sofa, oblivious to the group of students sat at the tables in the corner until one of them called my name.
‘Clariss! Lily!’ I looked up over the back of the sofa. It was Albus and a group of his friends. ‘Come over and join us!’
Lily grinned and made her way over to them as I got up off the sofa and followed. There were four of them sitting around the table; Albus, his friend, Will, the girl, Tabitha, and, my stomach lurched pleasantly as I noticed, Hero Van Millen. They’d replaced the usual wooden chairs with comfy-looking armchairs, like the ones grouped around the fireplace. I frowned.
‘I thought you couldn’t Transfigure the furniture in here?’ I asked as I walked over to them, remembering the time I had tried to practice Vanishing spells on the legs of the table where Lily was working.
‘You can’t,’ said Albus. ‘We conjured them; the old ones are over there.’ He pointed to the corner where, sure enough, several wooden chairs were stacked neatly against the wall.
‘We thought it’d be much more comfy,’ Hero said in a silky voice that sent shivers down my spine. ‘Here, have a seat.’
I had to admire his spellwork as he flicked his wand, causing two more comfy-chairs to appear out of thin air. He didn’t utter a single syllable. I hadn’t managed to pull off a single non-verbal conjuring spell yet, and was having trouble with the consistency of the ones I could manage. Some people have all the luck, I thought ruefully.
Lily plonked herself down unceremoniously in the chair next to Albus, leaving, whether intentionally or not, the seat next to Hero free. Unlike Lily, I settled myself in what I hoped was a classy and dignified manner, aware Hero’s eyes were on me.
‘You’re looking more alive, Clariss,’ Tabitha said to me from across the table. ‘You fell asleep in your free period the last time I saw you.’
‘Oh yeah,’ I said, remembering with a tinge of embarrassment. It had been the first day of term, and I had been up most of the night occupied with the strange vision I’d had at the welcome feast. The first glimpse I’d had of the world of Ara Grey.
‘What else are free periods for, if not sleeping?’ Hero said, winking at me. My throat went dry as I tried to think of a response that didn’t sound stupid, but my mind was blank. Oh, come on! How hard was it to spit out a couple of words?
‘Yeah, that’s right,’ I managed to say finally. He was smiling at me, and I had to look away, scared that he might see something in my eyes that would betray the fact I liked him perhaps too much.
‘Your last name is Flint, right?’ Hero was asking me.
‘Yeah,’ I said. I was really saying that too much.
‘Your sister was in my sister’s year, I think,’ he said. ‘Amentia, right?’
‘That’s right,’ I said. ‘She was in Ravenclaw.’
‘Hera was a Gryffindor, like us,’ he said. ‘They had Herbology together, I think. How did Amentia do in her NEWTs?’
‘Really well,’ I replied, relieved that I was managing to produce coherent sentences. ‘She wants to be a Healer eventually, so she had to get top marks.’
‘Wow,’ he said. ‘Has she started the training programme this year?’
‘No, next. She’s travelling for a year first,’ I told him, gaining in confidence as my words unfolded like a normal human’s did. ‘She’s in Greece at the moment. My parents are going to stay with her over Christmas.’
‘Are you going?’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘Her flat is too small for more than three people. Plus, Aeron is staying to study for her NEWTs and I’m staying with her.’
‘Ah, NEWTs,’ Hero said with a sigh. ‘I’ll be staying over Christmas for them as well, so you won’t be alone.’
I noticed that he didn’t look too upset about the coincidence.
‘So, how are you finding sixth year?’ he asked. ‘Wanting to throw yourself in the lake yet?’
‘Not yet, and I’m praying it doesn’t get that bad! Non-verbal spells are a bit trying at the moment, but I’m enjoying Divination. That sort of cancels the bad stuff out.’
‘Divination?’ he said. ‘You’re not one of those types, are you?’
‘What do you mean, one of those types?’ I asked, pretending to be offended.
‘You know,’ he said, grinning. ‘One of those ‘see the future’ people. All episodes of the second sight and collapsing everywhere because they think they’ve seen some sort of omen in their breakfast cereal.’
‘Hey! It’s not like that!’ I protested.
‘Professor Patil was,’ he said.
‘Well, okay, but I’m not like that,’ I said. ‘It’s more about calculating and reading body language and being intuitive and stuff. That’s what I like doing.’
‘You’ve still not convinced me,’ he said, poking his tongue out. ‘I much prefer the past.’
‘The past?’ I said with a small jerk. Was I just being paranoid, or was there a certain knowing look in his eye? I stared at him. No, I was just being silly, there was nothing but an innocent smile on his face, nothing to suggest that he knew anything about my visions to the past.
‘Oh yes. History and all that.’
‘History as in History of Magic?’
He nodded.
‘No way!’ I exclaimed. ‘That was so boring. I dropped that as soon as I could.’
‘It’s not boring, it’s fascinating,’ he said with a grin. ‘It’s just the teacher that’s boring. Give the subject a different teacher and it would be so much better.’
A few months ago, I would have flatly disagreed with this point, saying it wasn’t just the teacher, it was the subject itself that was the problem. However, I’d regressed into the past itself, and lived it through another person’s eyes. It didn’t seem as boring as it used to, or at least parts of it didn’t. Of course, Lily would be the only person to know of my experiences. I was going to have to carry on my vein of disdain, and I was going to make the most of it.
‘But something has to make history teachers boring in the first place,’ I said in what I hoped was flirtatiously argumentative manner. ‘It’s got to be the subject; that’s the thing that links them together. I mean, have you read any of those textbooks? Historians are all boring! A change of teacher won’t make the subject more interesting.’
For a moment, I was terrified, and my smile faltered slightly. Had I gone too far? But he broke into peals of laughter, and there was a cheeky look in his eye that I found particularly attractive.
‘Fine,’ he said, his eyes twinkling. ‘Let’s agree to disagree. And I’m sure you’ll get the hang of those spells soon, Clariss. You seem like an intelligent girl. Flawed in your dislike of history, but that apparently can’t be helped.’
He held out his hand to shake mine, and I took it, my heart leaping into my throat. His grip was firm and his hand felt smooth and warm and solid against mine. For a fleeting second, I didn’t want to let go, and I felt a slight shiver of pleasure run up my spine. He dropped my hand and smiled at me.
‘Oi, Hero!’ Will called across the table where he was lounging, feet up on the top. ‘You can’t keep Clariss all to yourself. Let the poor girl have some space to breathe!’
I giggled and glanced across at Hero, who leaned back in his chair, grinning at Will. I thought I saw a shadow of red flush up on his face for a moment, but then it was gone. Was I just seeing things, or could it perhaps mean what I hoped it did? The conversation that Will had been having with Tabby, Lily, and Albus swelled out to include Hero and myself, but I didn’t find myself joining in much. I tried to keep my eyes from Hero, but occasionally they betrayed me and flicked back to take him in, and I could have sworn that a couple of times, our eyes met for a fraction of a second.
All too soon, it seemed, the boys and Ceres traipsed back in, the boys rather windswept and red-cheeked and Ceres practically bouncing rather than walking, her face alive with excitement. She rushed over to us, grinning broadly and, to my reluctance, dragged us away from Hero and his friends and over to a corner by the fire.
‘Guess what?’ she gushed, beaming at Lily and I.
‘Ollie asked you out?’ Lily guessed. She was smiling at Ceres’ enthusiasm; apparently, small doses of Ceres’ love life she could stand.
‘Not quite, but we’re going to Hogsmeade together in a couple of weeks, and he’s going to sit with me at breakfast tomorrow!’
‘Nice one,’ I smiled. ‘Did you ask him, then?’ My eyes darted back to the table we’d just left. Hero was still sat there, but he was engrossed in a conversation with his friends. I felt slightly disappointed.
‘Well, sort of,’ Ceres said. ‘We’d been talking for ages about all kinds of things, and we were really getting on, so I mentioned Hogsmeade and the date sort of set itself up! Great, isn’t it?’
Ceres launched into a description of what seemed like every word that had been exchanged between her and Ollie. I glanced sideways at Lily. Her eyes were beginning to glaze over, so I nudged her. She gave a start and glared at me.
‘Ceres,’ she said, interrupting her mid-flow. ‘Clariss and I have to go to the library. We’ve got a massive Ancient Runes essay due in for Monday.’
I tried to look like this wasn’t new information to me, and prayed that she wouldn’t go asking Murray or Conor if they had completed their essays. She seemed convinced, though, and slightly crestfallen. I felt a pang of guilt as I saw her smile ruefully.
‘You can tell us everything when we get back,’ I said, aware that Lily was looking daggers at me. ‘We’ve got to get this out of the way first, though.’
‘Okay then,’ she said, perking up slightly. ‘Have fun with your essay.’
We said goodbye, and Lily steered me forcibly out of the portrait hole.
‘Aww, why did you have to go and say that?’ Lily hissed at me when we were firmly outside the Gryffindor Common Room. ‘I don’t want to have to listen to Ceres go on about Ollie!’
‘She looked so upset when we said we were off,’ I said, shrugging my shoulders. I wouldn’t be pressured into feeling bad about my promise to Ceres. ‘Anyway, I listened to you go on about Conor, you listened to me about Andrew in third year, we should listen to Ceres. It’s what friends do. And she’s so excited about it. It’s not like your ears are going to burn off or anything.’
‘You never know,’ Lily said with a wink. ‘But I suppose you’re right. We should apologise to her when we get back.’
‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘So, are we off to the library, then?’
‘Ooh, yeah!’ Lily exclaimed, her eyes widening. ‘I just said that as a way to get out of it, but that’s a good idea! We can research Ara!’
‘Shh!’ I hissed, casting about myself in case someone was near.
‘Oh, don’t worry about it, Clariss,’ Lily said, tugging me down the corridor. ‘Even if anyone did hear, they wouldn’t have a clue what I was on about.’
‘I suppose,’ I agreed.
We ducked behind a tapestry, taking a shortcut that would take us to the library. With a start, I realised that this was the same passageway in which I’d had my flashback the other day. I shivered and quickened my pace.
Shine a Light by Sapphire at Dawn
Chapter Notes: Thanks to Gina/gene24 for being a wonderful beta!