‘So,’ Lily said as we entered the library. ‘Where do you feel we should start?’
‘Dunno,’ I whispered, heading over to the history section. The library was nearly deserted; the only occupants were the elderly, stooped librarian who frowned at us as we entered and three students; two Hufflepuff girls and a Slytherin seventh-year. They were bent over piles of books and parchment at the desks at the end of the aisles. ‘I suppose we should start here.’
I paused in the middle of an aisle I had selected at random and peered up at the masses of dusty tomes that extended up the shelf nearly to the ceiling. Suddenly I felt the vastness of what I was trying to do; there were thousands of books here, just in this one aisle, and I was just searching for one name. How on Earth was I ever going to find anything? It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack; I could search for hours and not find a thing. For a moment, I wanted to just turn around and leave.
I walked along the aisle, looking at the titles, sliding books off the shelf at random, flipping them open, and then putting them back again. Suddenly, Lily appeared at my elbow, two books clutched to her chest. One, I recognised as one of our old textbooks, a much battered and abused copy of A History of Magic.
‘Thought we should start with the familiar ones,’ she said, showing me the books. The other one she had was Hogwarts: A History.
‘Not bad,’ I said. ‘I’ll start with something more specific.’ I slid a green, leather bound copy of Notable Events of the Seventeenth Century: Revised Edition from the shelf.
‘Why seventeenth century?’ Lily asked, looking at the book I’d selected.
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘It just seemed like the right sort of time frame.’
Lily shrugged her shoulders and turned back towards the table at the end of our aisle and let her books tumble out of her arms. I pulled out the seat next to her and flipped my book open and scanned the contents page.
‘So,’ Lily said as she opened A History of Magic, ‘you reckon the seventeenth century is a good place to start?’
‘It might be an idea,’ I said. ‘I honestly don’t know why, but I think I’ve got a good feeling about it. Like when I picked out that book it felt right.’
‘Perhaps it’s your Inner Eye talking,’ Lily said grinning mischievously.
‘Oh, shut up, you,’ I said, giving her a withering look. ‘It felt like back in that Divination lesson when I was telling Professor Sye about what I felt. I just knew the person was a woman, and now I just feel like we’re looking for someone in the seventeenth century.’
‘How come you didn’t feel like that when you were looking at all the stuff in the Trophy Room?’
‘I don’t know.’ This was something that had just popped into my head, too. ‘Perhaps it was because her name wasn’t actually there. I mean, I knew when I’d gone too far, didn’t I? Perhaps she’s mentioned in one of these books.’
I prickled at the thought, gently fingering the spine of the book. Contained within it's pages might be the answer, or at least a reference to who Ara Grey had been. She felt incredibly close.
‘What sort of things went on in the seventeenth century?’ I asked.
‘Goblin wars, mostly, it looks like,’ Lily said, flipping through pages of her book. ‘Oh, and the Statute of Secrecy in 1689 or something.’
‘Oh yeah. It was first signed in 1689, but it didn’t come into effect until 1692,’ I said.
‘Wow,’ Lily said with a snort. ‘Someone paid attention in History of Magic. Oh, here’s something!’
‘Where?’ I leaned over to her, scanning the page she had her book open at in excitement.
‘Says here that the Hogs Head was Headquarters for a couple of Goblin Rebellions. It could relate somehow to Hogwarts.’
‘When did they happen?’ I asked, my spirits falling; I’d hoped for a mention of Ara, at least.
‘Hold on a second, ah, here it says there was some in the early part of the century, 1612 through to 1614, and another one in 1680. Ring any bells?’ she asked with a laugh, though we both knew she was only half joking.
‘Hmm. Try the 1680 one. Sixteen-twelve sounds too early.’
She began to flick through the pages of her book, and I turned my eyes back to mine and scanned the contents page.
‘I’ve got something, look,’ Lily said, giving me a nudge. Pointing to a paragrap in the middle of the page, she began to read, ‘In 1680, the Wizard’s Council was beginning to seriously consider the Statute that had been proposed several years earlier,’ she read. ‘The increasing number of attacks, both Muggles on Wizards and vice versa, prompted them to rethink their blanket rejection in 1675. Needless to say, the leader of one of the goblin clans at the time, Gudbug the Gross, was not happy about his clan’s exclusion from the debates that raged, and tempers began to flare. A group of goblin rebels, including Gudbug, re-established their Headquarters in Hogsmeade that they’d used in the Goblin Rebellions nearly seventy years before. The Wizard’s Council feared the intentions of the rebel goblins, and sent representatives, headed by one Waldric Eldon, to negotiate peacefully with them, but the goblins rejected their advancement, and a fight broke out. Four goblins were killed in the fight, along with a villager, Hubert Madder, who tried to intercede on behalf of the goblins, and many more were injured, including Eldon himself. The wounded were taken up to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where many recovered, thanks to the careful ministrations of the young matron, Miss Ara Grey.’
We were both silent as the words sank in.
‘It’s her,’ I said eventually. ‘We’ve found her.’
I looked at Lily and we broke into identical broad grins.
‘You were right, it was the seventeenth century,’ she said. ‘And she was a matron here. Do you think she’s the matron when you’re her?’ Lily asked.
‘No,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘She’s definitely a student. She wears the uniform. But all that guff about “the Wizard’s Council sending representatives to negotiate peacefully with them,”’ I said with a snort. ‘More like they sent a hit squad to take the rebel goblins out in the middle of the night.’
‘How do you know that?’ Lily asked.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, that’s what the book goes on to say,’ she explained. ‘About how the goblins accused the Council of attacking them at the dead of night. Most of the residents of Hogsmeade agreed, apparently.’
‘What?’ I said with a start. ‘I was just guessing!’
‘Well, you’re correct. The Council leaders got a right rollicking. The Chief got thrown off the Council altogether, it says here.’
‘He didn’t,’ I said slowly. ‘He just got demoted to Secretary...’
We stared at each other, open mouthed.
‘It’s like I’ve been there before,’ I said quietly.
‘You know, my mum always says that if you think you’ve been there before, you usually have,’ Lily told me in an equally soft voice.
‘You mean, as in reincarnation?’ I asked. This was getting far too weird.
‘It’s a possibility,’ Lily said. ‘You’re regressing back to her life, you can remember all these details of what happened in that goblin war, and you knew when to look. It makes sense.’
‘Makes sense that I was Ara Grey.’
‘Well, nobody knows what happens after death, do they?’ Lily said in a rational voice. The tone seemed strange considering what we were discussing. ‘I mean, we know people can choose to be ghosts, but other than that, anything could happen to the soul.’
‘I think I need to go back to the Common Room,’ I said, closing my book firmly and standing up.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ Lily asked, a concerned look on her face as she half rose from her chair.
‘No, I’ll be okay.’ I managed a smile. ‘I just need to get my head around the possibility.’
‘Okay,’ Lily said, sitting back down as I turned to leave. ‘I’ll see you later.’
I walked slowly through the corridors back towards Gryffindor Tower. My mind was whirring, but I wasn’t a shivering mess like I was when I’d had my first flashback. I was calm, collected, if a little startled by the idea of reincarnation. The more I thought about it, though, the more it actually made sense; the fact I was having flashbacks to Ara’s life, how I knew all the details of the Goblin Wars Lily had found... The difficult part was trying to come to terms with the fact that I had once walked in the seventeenth century. That I’d had a family and friends and a life I had absolutely no knowledge of until now. It was a very strange feeling.
My head gave a sudden throb and I winced in pain. Perhaps it was too much, trying to get my head around being another person. A ringing started in my ears and my head began to spin. I closed my eyes against the noise, and suddenly, I collided with someone.
‘Oh!’ I exclaimed, my eyes flying open as they flicked up to the figure. ‘I am so sorry, Professor,’ I added, curtsying hurriedly as I recognised the sweeping robes and towering figure of Professor Black.
‘Not to worry, Miss Grey,’ he said in a rich voice, reaching out to steady me as I stumbled forward. I stepped away from him quickly.
‘You know my name?’ I asked, not daring to look up into his face. For some reason, I found Professor Black somewhat intimidating, yet fascinating at the same time. I generally tried to avoid him, if I could, but if I did somehow manage to see him around the school, I could not help myself from looking at him. I was grateful that I did not have him for any of my lessons. I wasn’t quite sure where my feelings stemmed from, but there was something about his confident manner, and the way his eyes seemed so penetrating. It could even have been the fact that he was so much younger than the other teachers, I guessed only five years older than my own eighteen years. He didn’t look like a member of staff, but rather a student, just masquerading.
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I have a good head for names, and not much that goes on here escapes my notice.’
‘Oh,’ I said rather lamely. I made a curtsy again and began to walk away from him, not liking how he was making me feel so uncomfortable, but he was speaking again.
‘I was on my way to the Herb storeroom, but it appears to have changed location since I was a student,’ he said, and I was sure, even though I dared not look directly at his face, that he was smiling. ‘Would you show me the way?’
There was no way in which I would ignore a direct request, especially not from a Professor, so I curtsied in a demure manner, and began to lead the way. I tried to walk quickly, so that he would be walking behind me, but he quickened his pace and fell into step at my side. I chanced a glance up at him. Close to, I could see that his robes, though simple, were of a very fine material, and very well cut. They were obviously expensive. I looked up at his face. His dark hair was wavy to his shoulders, and framed his face, accentuating his high cheekbones and solid jaw line. He was walking only inches away from me, and I could feel the breeze from his swinging arms on my hands.
‘I believe your father is on the Wizard’s Council,’ he said after a while, turning to look down at me. I snapped my eyes away immediately, but I could have sworn I heard him chuckle, perhaps amused that he had caught me staring.
‘Yes,’ I replied.
‘We have something in common, then,’ he said. ‘My father is also. Mufrid Black is his name.’
‘I believe I have heard my father mention him,’ I said diplomatically. It wouldn’t do to repeat exactly what he had said about the man; it was not polite hearing.
We were silent for a few minutes, during which we descended a staircase onto the second floor. I did not attempt to speak to him.
‘There is much talk of a new treaty,’ he said, finally, breaking the silence between us.
‘I do not know, Professor,’ I said sternly. ‘My father does not discuss Council dealings with me.’
‘I meant not to offend you,’ he said with a laugh, which angered me more. ‘Indeed, quite the opposite! I was merely suggesting there had been talk, outside the Council, about new legislation referring to new Muggle and Wizard relations.’
He stopped and turned to face me, and I defiantly met his gaze, annoyed that he seemed to be teasing me.
‘I should very much like to hear your opinions on the subject, Miss Grey,’ he said. ‘It seems to me like you would have some interesting ideas. However, I believe I can find my own way from here. I thank you.’
He bowed to me once, and strode up off the corridor, leaving me standing, gaping after him.
It was hard to describe the feeling of sliding from one time into another, I thought as I hurried back up to Gryffindor Tower. Or rather thrust would have been a more accurate word, for abruptly and without choice I had found myself standing in that corridor, being steadied by Professor Black’s strong, masculine hands. I had come back to myself in a deserted passageway on the second floor, and immediately began to hurry back to the Common Room, thinking about what I had just experienced. It was almost like walking through an invisible portal that separated the past from the present. When it happened, at the moment I passed through the invisible veil, I was blissfully unaware that anything had changed. That particular realisation, and its possible significance, would hit me later, when I was back as Clariss Flint. But as I collided with Professor Black, I was no longer Clariss with all her memories and attachments. All that had been stripped from me. My thoughts were someone else’s, my thoughts not my own, and as I moved, I lived each new experience for the first time.
I was not as shaken as I had been that first time when I had come back to myself outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, but I was still a bit shocked. The experience had come upon me without warning, and had left me reeling in its wake. The conversation I’d been having with Lily in the library came back to me.
If you think you’ve been somewhere before, you usually have.
I shook the thought from my mind. It was too much to deal with now.
That night, the dream I’d had after I found the bracelet concealed in the wall returned. I woke with a gasp to find myself reaching forwards towards the end of my bed, as I had been reaching forward in my dream. The golden bracelet no longer glinted on my wrist, and there was no handsome, dark figure before me. I knew instantly who he was now. It was Professor Black, the man I’d run into as Ara yesterday. There was no mistaking it.
I threw back the covers and slipped out of bed. I’d not spoken much after returning from the library yesterday, and to my great relief, Lily had not approached the subject we’d discussed. I walked to the foot of my bed and rummaged around in my trunk for a moment, finally finding the scarf in which I’d carefully tucked the bracelet. I unfolded the material and let it fall into my hand.
It looked somewhat different to how I’d seen it in my dream, only a few minutes, yet at the same time over three hundred years, earlier. The colours were less vivid; the gold was paler, duller, and the rubies no longer glowed like the fire of a thousand suns. It looked like it was, old and tarnished. Somehow, the light weight of the metal in my palm calmed me, and I crossed to the window by my bed and looked out across the grounds.
According to my watch, it was only six o’clock, so the sun hadn’t risen yet, but already the landscape as filled with pale light. There was a yellowish glow behind one of the distant grey mountains, indicating dawn was on its way. The ground below was swathed in silvery mist, and I marvelled at how it clung to the grass, leaving the trees to poke up through. It was very beautiful in an eerie sort of way.
As I fingered the bracelet, I noticed something in the corner of my eye, something that looked like a smudge of one of the diamond sections of glass in the window. I leaned forward to get a closer look and saw that it was a series of scratches. Someone had carved their name into the glass in tiny, italic letters. I peered intently at it to see if I could decipher the name.
Ara Grey.
I recoiled in shock, my heart fluttering weakly inside my chest. It couldn’t be!
And yet, it was. Minute as though the lettering was, there was no mistaking it. Ara Grey had sat here once, exactly where I was sitting and carved her name into the window. She had slept in this very dormitory. Perhaps she had slept in my bed.
This was just too strange! I was experiencing flashbacks to her life. I had found what I was now sure was her bracelet concealed in a hole in a wall, and now I had found her name carved on a window next to my bed. It was tangible proof, actual evidence other than just a name in a book, that Ara Grey had really existed and had lived and gone to school at Hogwarts.
But what did all this mean? These things could not be down to chance; there had to be a reason for all of this. Could Lily be right? Could the reason actually be that once, a long time ago, I had been Ara Grey?
Shine a Light by Sapphire at Dawn
Chapter Notes: Thanks to Gina/gene24 for beta'ing this, and also to zazzy7 for being a second pair of eyes.
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! It would be wonderful if you could leave me a review in that there box...