Fred and George’s Busy Day
‘Don’t move,’ Fred announced.
‘We don’t want to hex you,’ George told the young Desk Officer in the Diagon Alley Law Office. The fact that they weren’t carrying wands, and the burly, fair-haired Law Officer was pointing his wand at them did not seem to concern the twins.
‘We believe that you’re holding a young lady named Verity Lambert, on a charge of sedition,’ stated George politely.
‘We also believe that, given the rampant corruption within the Ministry of Magic…’ Fred continued.
‘…A Minister under the Imperius curse; Death Eaters running the Ministry; ignorant, prejudiced cretins like Umbridge rounding up Muggle-borns and stealing their wands…’ George explained.
‘…That sedition is, in fact, the duty of every concerned citizen,’ completed Fred.
The Law Officer stared at the two headless figures in front of him. George thought that he detected the flicker of a smile on the young man’s face. ‘You’ll have to fight your way past me if you intend to try to free any political prisoners,’ the young wizard said quietly, still making no attempt to attack them. Two wands were drawn, and two Stunning Spells immediately blasted him from his chair.
‘Sorry ‘bout that,’ George apologised, vaulting the desk and collecting a set of keys from the top right-hand drawer. ‘You seemed very reasonable for a Law Officer.’
Fred stepped across to the entrance, looked out of the small window and quickly checked the street. It was very early, and Diagon Alley was almost deserted.
‘Always treat life as a learning experience, Fred,’ advised George. ‘Simply being arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct can give one a valuable insight into the layout and organisation of the local cells.’ He unlocked the door to a side room, walked up to the small safe on the wall, unlocked it, and pulled out the prisoners’ wands.
‘Had we actually been drunk, George, it would have been a lot more fun,’ Fred replied, catching the bunch of keys that George threw him. ‘Amazing how empty the place is, isn’t it?’ he continued.
‘I understand that the Law Office received an anonymous tip-off that wanted criminal Harry Potter was going to try to access his Gringotts account, Fred.’
‘I wonder how these wild rumours start, George?’ joked Fred as he unlocked the door to the cells and looked inside.
‘It’s amazing what can be achieved by anonymously sending an owl to the Head of Magical Law Enforcement,’ said George, busily opening the desk drawers in the rear office. ‘She’s in cell five,’ he called out to his brother, reading down a roll of parchment he’d pulled from the desk. ‘According to the charge sheet, the occupants of cells three, seven, eight and twelve are also all charged with sedition. I really don’t think that we should leave them there. What do you think?’
Fred grinned and nodded.
‘Either talk to me, or take off the Headless Hat,’ George suggested. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re agreeing with me, but it would be nice to be certain.’
‘A mass jail break,’ Fred replied, laughing, ‘in broad daylight, in Diagon Alley. Minister Thicknesse is certainly living up to his name!’
George moved to the window and tried to watch the street outside while also watching his twin walk down the cell corridor. Fred opened the door to cell three first; the occupant screamed.
‘Headless Hat, available from Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes at a very reasonable price,’ Fred explained to the frightened young witch. ‘This is a jailbreak, so we’re incognito!’ He tapped his invisible nose conspiratorially. ‘You’re under arrest for sedition. If you’re found guilty, then you’ll be sent to Azkaban. That’s no place for a pretty girl. You can stay, and we’ll lock you back in your cell. Or you can collect your wand from the headless guy in the front office and go on the run. He’s extremely ugly, but fortunately you can’t see his face, either. He’ll Disillusion you before you leave. I’m Fred, the good looking one, by the way. Go into hiding, but come and see me when all this is over.’ He smacked the girl’s bottom as she scurried from the cell. He then continued down the line of cells, releasing the other prisoners. He left cell five until last, and took off his hat before he entered.
‘Time to go, Verity,’ he said grinning. The young witch burst into tears, flew at him, and hugged him tightly. He kissed the top of her head. ‘We need to go now. You can thank me later.’
‘I’m sorry, Mr Weasley,’ the girl sobbed. ‘It was a stupid thing to do.’
‘It was brilliant,’ Fred told her admiringly as he took her hand and led her out from her cell. ‘So good, in fact, that we’ve pinched it.’
‘This,’ he held up a small pink ball, ‘is a –Verity Truth-bombâ€; we made a dozen of them last night after you were arrested.’ He threw the ball against the cell wall. It exploded, leaving a message in bright pink paint: –Support Harry Potter - Help the Chosen One Defeat Festering Lord Mouldy-wartâ€. Beneath the words, a cartoon Voldemort was being repeatedly hit over the head with a giant mallet by a bespectacled stick figure with a lightning scar on his forehead.
‘That’s just the back-up, in case you miss,’ he said, walking back into the Law Office with her. ‘This is what it does to a Wanted Poster.’ He threw a second Truth-bomb at the largest poster in the Law Office, the Ministry’s Wanted Poster of Harry.
–Wanted,†it said in large letters at the top, –Harry Potter.†Beneath this was a photo of an unhappy-looking Harry and beneath that, the words –UNDESIREABLE No. 1.â€
The results of the bomb hitting the poster were rather different from what had happened on the blank wall of the cell.
The message now read:
–Wanted by girls everywhere, Harry Potter.â€
The photograph was surrounded by a roughly drawn heart which flashed pink and purple.
The words at the bottom now read –**DESIREABLE No. 1â€
‘Nice idea, Verity,’ George said, grinning. ‘It’s just a pity you got caught.’
The twins stepped on either side of their assistant, Disillusioned her, replaced their Headless Hats, and pulled on their invisibility cloaks.
‘Walk this way,’ said Fred.
‘That joke only works if she can actually see the way we’re walking, Fred,’ George pointed out. They opened the door and stepped out into Diagon Alley, each with an arm linked through Verity’s.
‘Walk this way, and use your imagination,’ Fred ordered Verity. She made her escape from jail as no more than a ghostly giggle.
Hannah Abbott was woken by a gentle knocking. ‘Quiet,’ she hissed as she rolled out of bed. She quickly pulled on her dressing gown, picked up her wand, and walked across to answer her door.
‘Wow,’ said George, looking down. Hannah rolled her eyes and tightly fastened the dressing gown up to her neck.
‘No need to spoil the view,’ said George regretfully, lifting his head to look into her eyes. Hannah Abbott looked tired, angry, and was probably hung-over, he realised. ‘Emergency, sorry,’ he apologised.
Hannah said nothing. She simply pointed her wand at George.
‘Who are you, why are you in the pub before it opens, and why are you knocking on my bedroom door?’ she asked.
‘I’m George Weasley, known by my brother as –lugless†on account of the fact that Murderous Snape lopped off one of my ears. In fact, I’m not lugless, I have one, and it works fine. May I enter your boudoir? A full body search will be required for me to ascertain your true identity, pigtailed Hannah Hufflepuff.’
‘I’ve told you, George, I’m not interested, sorry,’ Hannah sighed. ‘And you can’t come in.’ There was a noise from behind her, as though someone was moving around the room.
‘Are you alone?’ George asked. Hannah stepped out into the corridor and closed her bedroom door behind her. She ignored George’s question.
‘What do you want, George?’
George looked at her sadly. ‘Oh, Hannah, beautiful Hannah, you’ve broken my heart.’ She bristled and thrust her wand under his nose.
‘Our first-ever employee, our shop assistant Verity, got herself arrested late last night for sedition.’ George held up his hands in defeat. ‘We’ve just broken her out of jail.’ He smiled apologetically at Hannah.
‘And brought her here!’ she said, immediately realising what they had done. ‘You bloody idiots.’
‘We need to get her –lostâ€, and quickly, Hannah,’ said George. ‘We all arrived invisible, Fred and I will leave the same way.’
‘Take her to room thirteen, and wait there,’ Hannah ordered, reaching into the pocket of her dressing gown and handing him a key. ‘How big is she?’
‘Ginny’s height, give or take an inch, and Hermione’s build, maybe even skinnier.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’ Hannah shook her head in disbelief. ‘You broke someone out of jail and brought them here!’
She opened her door. George glimpsed a head of short, curly brown hair on the far side of the room before the door closed.
Fred, George and Verity had been sitting in room thirteen at the Leaky Cauldron for no more than five minutes when the door opened. Wand in one hand, a canvas bag in the other, a bleary-eyed Justin Finch-Fletchley walked into the room.
‘Who was the traitor?’ the curly-haired Muggle-born asked as he pointed his wand at them.
‘Marietta Edgecombe,’ Fred and George chorused.
‘Who brought her?’ George asked.
‘The lovely Cho Chang,’ Justin replied.
‘You got here quick,’ George observed acidly. ‘Does Hannah keep you hidden under her bed?’
‘Or in it?’ Fred asked.
Justin didn’t answer; he looked at them disdainfully then turned and looked at Verity. ‘Are you a Pureblood?’ he enquired.
‘Why does that matter?’ Fred asked angrily. Justin ignored him.
‘These are Muggle clothes,’ he told Verity, throwing the bag at her. ‘There’s a screen in the corner; put them on. If you don’t know how to do it, I’ll be the one who helps you. We don’t have any time for modesty.’
‘Half-blood,’ Verity muttered. ‘I can manage.’ She scampered behind the screen, pulled off her prisoner’s robes, and draped them over the screen. George lifted them from the screen and Vanished them.
‘We’ll be leaving by the door into the Muggle world - my world,’ Justin instructed. ‘You will be taken to a Muggle boarding house. You will be a Muggle. You will not contact anyone you know. No friends, no family, no one! Not by any means. Doing so could compromise all of us. We’ll find you somewhere more permanent to live and give you a new Muggle identity. After that, you’re on your own until this mess is finished one way or another. Now, hurry up, we need to move quickly.’ Justin glared at the twins. ‘This sort of thing needs careful planning; you can’t just dump someone on us like this!’
‘Oh, I dunno,’ Fred grinned.
‘You seem to be doing okay,’ George complimented. ‘In more ways than one, I reckon.’
‘We’ve always found that the best plan is also the simplest, Justin,’ Fred advised.
‘Just make it up as you go along,’ George explained. ‘It’s never failed us.’
Fred’s watch chimed.
‘Five to Nine,’ announced George.
‘Time for us to leave, Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes will open for business in five minutes,’ Fred announced.
Justin looked at them as though they were mad, ‘Aren’t you going on the run, too?’ he asked.
‘It wasn’t us.’ Fred grinned.
‘We were somewhere else,’ George explained.
‘And we can prove it!’ said Fred triumphantly.
Justin looked at the twins as though they were mad, realised how ridiculously redundant that thought was, grinned, and said, ‘I hope it works.’
‘Good luck, Verity,’ the twins said together when she emerged from behind the screen wearing a white blouse and an ugly brown tweed skirt and jacket.
‘Technically, you’re sacked,’ Fred told her, mockingly waving an admonishing finger. ‘We run a respectable business; we can’t employ criminals.’
‘So come and see us after Harry kills You-Know-Who,’ George smiled.
‘And thanks for the idea.’ George added, ‘we’ll think of you every time we sell a Verity Truth-bomb.’ They each kissed their assistant, grinned at Justin and left Room Thirteen.
‘Do you ever get used to them?’ they heard Justin ask.
‘Not yet,’ Verity replied with a sigh, as the twins slowly closed the door. ‘But there’s still time, I’ve only worked for them for a couple of years.’
‘I think we’re rubbing off on her,’ Fred grinned.
‘You must be mistaken, Sheriff,’ said Fred. He was addressing the most senior of the three Law Officers standing on the shop floor of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.
‘How can you be sure that it was us?’ George asked.
‘Two headless men, wearing magenta robes walked into the Law Office, stunned this Officer and released five prisoners,’ the stout, grey-haired Sheriff told them, angrily pulling his beard. He nodded towards the burly blond-haired young wizard who had been sitting at the desk. ‘Are these the men, Bailiff Jenkins?’
The young wizard shrugged, ‘I can’t be certain, sir. I didn’t see their faces, obviously, because their heads were invisible. They didn’t say anything. They just walked through the door and stunned me. They’re about the right build. But…’ he shrugged.
‘It could have been anybody,’ declared Fred, grinning as he realised that the young Bailiff was covering for them.
‘We sell headless hats and our hex-proof robes are magenta,’ George explained, ‘but we can’t be held responsible if someone buys our stock and then wears it when doing something illegal.’
‘Can you prove that it wasn’t you?’ the grey-bearded Sheriff growled.
‘Sheriff,’ George began carefully. ‘Neither Delirious Umbridge, nor your boss Gertrude Green, Head of the Constabulary, have yet asked the Wizengamot to remove –ei incumbit probatio qui dicit†…’
‘Innocent until proven guilty,’ Fred added helpfully.
‘From Wizarding law,’ George concluded, watching the Sheriff turn red. ‘So, we don’t have to prove that it wasn’t us. You have to prove that it was.’
‘Don’t you try to cheek me,’ the Sheriff snarled.
‘And,’ Fred added helpfully, ‘I can tell you that –cheeking a Law Officer†is not actually against the law.’
‘We discovered that when we were six,’ George added proudly. The young blonde Bailiff was shaking in his attempt not to laugh at his superior.
‘But, in the interests of expediting your enquiries,’ Fred hastily told the Sheriff, before the man completely lost his temper. ‘You should know that my brother and I were waiting to see your boss, Gertrude Green, at the Ministry, this morning. We arrived at the Ministry at eight o’clock and left at five to nine to open our shop.’
‘Madam Green refused to see us,’ George added. ‘We hoped that she would change her mind if we waited, so we entertained her secretary for an hour. You can ask her; she’s called Tina and she’s a redhead.’
‘We like redheads.’
‘We liked her,’ added George. ‘I hope that she won’t be in any trouble, providing us with an alibi.’
‘Our brother saw us, too,’ Fred added. ‘Percival Ignatius Weasley.’
‘He ignored us. He was talking to another Ministry clerk, Audrey Midgen. She was in our year at school, she was a Prefect in Hufflepuff House. She saw us, too,’ George continued. ‘We waved to them both.’
‘But they pretended not to notice,’ said Fred.
‘Audrey used to ignore us at school, too,’ George admitted. ‘I’ve no idea why.’
‘Next time,’ Charlie told Bill, ‘I want to be Fred; having one ear is weird.’
‘Being Fred is weird, too,’ Bill grinned at his brother as they emerged from the shop’s doorway, from which they’d been observing Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. ‘Those Law Officers will be back, they got here a lot quicker than I expected.’
‘Yeah,’ Charlie agreed, ‘I just hope that the information we gave the twins before the law arrived was good enough to provide them with an alibi. Seeing Perce with the Midgen girl was a bit of luck. It’s a good thing I recognised her. She definitely recognised us - I mean them - she wasn’t pleased to see them, was she?’
‘No, but I don’t suppose that they made any effort to befriend her at school; she looked pretty humourless,’ Bill observed. ‘The twins haven’t been arrested, but they’ve annoyed that Sheriff. I wonder what they’ve done to upset him.’
‘Let’s go and ask. We need to help them beef up their alibi, otherwise what was the point in our going to the Ministry and making all that fuss? And, William,’ Charlie added with a leer. ‘I don’t think that your beautiful wife would be very happy if she’d seen the way you were flirting with Green’s secretary.’
‘I was just being Fred,’ Bill laughed as they entered Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. ‘It’s what he would have done. I’ll just tell my gorgeous and very sexy wife that it’s tough and dangerous work, pretending to be Fred.’
Fred and George grinned at their brothers when they entered the empty shop. ‘They’ll be back, I’m sure. We managed to fool them this time, but we’ll need everything,’ George said, ‘who’s going first, CharlieGeorge, or BillFred?’
‘I need to get to work,’ said Bill. Charlie waved him forwards.
Fred led him up the stairs to the office, leaving Charlie and George in the shop.
‘Where is the rest of your staff, George?’ Charlie asked.
‘We sent them home,’ George explained, ‘as a precaution.’
‘Do you need any extra help?’ Charlie asked, ‘Ginny asked me to ask you. Now that she’s back home for the Easter holidays, she’d like to see you.’
‘This place is too dangerous for a sixteen-year-old,’ objected George. ‘Tell her we’ll be home for dinner on Easter Sunday; we’ll see her then.’
The law officers returned at noon. This time, there were six of them, and they were accompanied by a skeletal witch with wild grey hair: Gertrude Green, Death Eater and, for some months, head of the Wizarding world’s Law Officers. Madam Green had brought her red-haired secretary with her.
‘Hello, Tina,’ Fred smiled, ‘can’t keep away from me, eh?’
The girl looked down, unable to meet Fred’s eyes. Her boss looked at her furiously.
‘These were the two men outside my office?’ Gertrude Green asked.
Tina nodded, ‘Yes, Ma’am.’
The gaunt Death Eater scowled, drew her wand and pointed it threateningly at her secretary.
‘Are you certain?’ The girl nodded fearfully.
‘I’ve spoken to the Midgen girl,’ said blond-haired Bailiff Jenkins, moving closer to Tina. ‘She has confirmed that she, too, saw these two in the Ministry.’ Green’s secretary looked gratefully at the young law officer.
‘Miss Jackson, go back to your desk, do some work!’ Green screeched, slapping her secretary across the face. She glared angrily at the twins then turned towards the grey-bearded Sheriff. ‘Search the place,’ she ordered. ‘Turn it upside down.’
‘These are private business premises, madam,’ Bailiff Jenkins began.
‘Crucio,’ Green screamed, and the young Bailiff flew backwards and collapsed on the floor, writhing in agony. Tina Jackson screamed. The remaining Law Officers turned pale.
‘Do it!’ the skeletal Death Eater ordered. ‘You have my authority. I am your superior, do not forget that.’
As one, Fred and George stepped sideways, standing in front of a door marked –Stock Room - Staff Only.â€
‘Search in there first,’ Green ordered, pointing gleefully at the door behind the twins. The twins immediately stepped aside and allowed the Law Officers past. Bailiff Jenkins was struggling to his feet, assisted by a white-faced Tina.
‘Crucio,’ Green shouted again, once more knocking Jenkins to the floor. ‘That’s for allowing the prisoners to escape. And you, Miss Jackson, I will not tell you again. Go back to work.’
The terrified girl gave Jenkins an apologetic look and scurried from the shop. Jenkins lay supine on the floor, groaning in agony.
Gertrude Green ignored him and followed the other law officers into the stockroom, where she began randomly pulling items off the shelves. She did not stop until she dropped a box of decoy detonators. In the explosive confusion, Fred took the opportunity to remove a large wooden mallet from the shelf. He was careful to hold it by its head.
‘What’s that?’ the Sheriff asked suspiciously.
‘It’s experimental,’ George explained, ‘it’s not working properly; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.’
‘Give it to me,’ Gertrude Green ordered, holding out a hand.
Fred shook his head. ‘No, it might just work; if you grab the handle, it will spring out and hit you on the head.’
‘We wouldn’t want the Head of Magical Law Enforcement to be hit on the head by a joke hammer,’ George pleaded. ‘It might get us into trouble.’
Green looked at them suspiciously. ’There’s something hidden inside it, isn’t there?’ she asked. ‘Something you don’t want us to find?’
‘No,’ Fred protested, ‘Watch!’ He held the handle, closed his eyes and winced, as if expecting something painful to happen. The mallet did nothing. ‘Faulty,’ he said, shrugging and sadly put it back on the shelf.
‘Give it to me,’ Green ordered, looking directly at the Sheriff.
The law officer looked warily at the mallet and turned to one of the other law officers; a stocky and grizzled old veteran, ‘Bailiff Thynne, you do it,’ he ordered.
The bald old Bailiff gave his superior a contemptuous, phlegm-filled, snort before warily taking the mallet from Fred. Nothing happened.
‘Madam,’ he said politely, handing it to Green.
The second she grasped the handle, two hands flew out from it and tightly held her wrist. The rest of the handle expanded into a spring and swung rapidly up to hit Madam Green on the head. Fred and George leapt forwards, a look of horror on their faces. They weren’t quick enough; the mallet hit Green softly on the forehead and gave a feeble squeak.
‘Oh, no, oh no,’ George said, panicking. Fred simply tapped the mallet with his wand. It immediately released its grip on the Death Eater, who dropped it and rounded on them furiously.
‘We warned you,’ George pleaded. ‘I said it was faulty; we tried to tell you not to touch it…’
‘Crucio,’ Green shouted. George fell to the floor in agony.
Fred looked at her in horror.
‘Crucio,’ the witch shouted again. Fred joined his brother on the floor, twitching in pain.
Hours later, Fred and George were surveying the wreckage of their shop. The last of the Law Officers had left only minutes earlier. Gertrude Green had been gone for some time, having received an urgent owl from the Ministry.
‘Are you okay, George?’
‘I’ve felt better. You?’
‘My fingers are still tingling. That was a very unpleasant experience, twin. Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘She’s an unpleasant woman, Fred, but I’ll live, and so will you. I wonder who decoyed her away?’
‘It might have been a genuine Ministry owl,’ Fred mused.
‘Perhaps it was Percy,’ George sounded hopeful. ‘He actually looked like he was plotting something when we saw him in the Ministry.’
‘We didn’t see Perce; that was Charlie and Bill, remember?’ Fred scowled. ‘He was probably just chatting up the Midgen girl. It’s more likely to have been Katie’s mysterious Ministry insider.’
‘Whoever it was, Gruesome Gertie is not going to be happy with her Law Officers,’ observed George, groaning, stretching, and wriggling his fingers. ‘After an illegal search lasting four hours, what did they find?’
‘Lots of things, George,’ Fred informed him. ‘I particularly enjoyed it when the Sheriff found those old ton-tongue-toffees.’
‘Yes,’ agreed George, laughing, ‘one of our earliest triumphs. They must have fallen down the back of that shelf. They have strengthened impressively with age, haven’t they? How long do you think it will be before the Sheriff realises that he’s left his wand here and picked up one of our deluxe trick wands by mistake?’
‘That, brother, was very slick of you,’ complimented Fred. ‘I reckon Bailiffs Jenkins and Thynne both saw you pull the switch, but they didn’t say anything.’
‘They’re on the side of the good-guys, Fred,’ beamed George. ‘They found a lot of old stuff, but they didn’t find the cellar, they didn’t find anything incriminating, and the good news, brother, is that we’ve done it again. We’ve made a Death Eater detector!’
‘It was a good idea of yours, trying to make a Dark Detector which worked on people, not just objects,’ observed Fred.
‘Yes, but you figured out how to alter the Dark Detector spell, Fred, and made it work.’
‘We can sell it to the Ministry when all this is over and their Dark Marks have faded,’ grinned Fred. He tucked his thumbs into his robes, ‘Are you a Death Eater?’ he boomed.
‘No, sir, I’m innocent, not me sir, no!’ George whimpered and cowered.
‘Then pick up this mallet!’ Fred commanded.
‘No sir, not the mallet, please, anything but the mallet; I don’t want a sore head and a blue bum!’ George pleaded.
‘Aah,’ Fred said. ‘I’d forgotten that, perhaps adding the Blue Bum Jinx wasn’t such a good idea. Madam Green is sure to notice it.’
George shook his head, ‘Not for a while, I expect. I can’t see her displaying her saggy, wizened old backside to anyone else, and she doesn’t strike me as the sort who examines her arse proudly in the mirror every night before going to bed. Unlike you!’
Fred howled with laughter, ‘I’ll send out for some food, we can tidy up, and then we’ll get to work adding DE-detectors and blue-bums to the other mallets.’
‘And to the emergency fireworks!’ George suggested.
‘Good idea! We’ll do that first; we’ve a couple of hours before I go out, and you can tidy up while I’m away.’
‘I don’t see why I can’t go, too.’ George grumbled.
‘Lee said he wanted someone who was handsome and witty, so you failed on both counts, Georgie.’ Fred grinned. ‘You’ll get your moment of fame next time, remember. As consolation, I’ll let you have the good codename, you can be Rapier and I’ll be stuck with Rodent tonight.’
‘Like the rat you are, Freddie,’ George chuckled.
‘Welcome to Stonehenge, Fred,’ Lee Jordan grinned. ‘We’re not stopping; I’m taking you to PotterWatch Command, at a location so secret that I’m not going to tell you where it is. Alicia’s collecting Kingsley and Remus. We’ve been off the air for longer than I’d expected, but we only just escaped after the last broadcast. Some of the gear was damaged when we ran for it. Alicia needed to make a lot of repairs before we could start broadcasting again. Have you got any news for me?’
‘You know about Tonks’s Dad, Dirk Cresswell and that goblin?’ Fred asked.
Lee nodded sadly.
‘I’ve got a report from Ginny. Bill gave me this earlier today.’ Fred handed a folded piece of parchment to his dreadlocked friend, ‘Hagrid’s in hiding, he held a Support Harry Potter party on the last day of term and the Death Eaters didn’t think it was funny. They went after him, but they didn’t reckon on Grawp.’
Lee grinned, twisted, and Disapparated. They arrived outside an isolated stone cottage surrounded by lush, wet fenland.
‘Where are we?’ Fred asked.
‘Like I said, mate, you don’t need to know,’ Lee emphasised. ‘Any other news?’
‘Two men wearing magenta robes and Headless Hats broke into the Diagon Alley Law Office this morning and freed five political prisoners. By an amazing coincidence we decided to visit the Ministry at the time, so it couldn’t possibly have been us,’ grinned Fred smugly. ‘I’ve got a message from Katie for you, too, but not for broadcast. Magical Law Enforcement has set up a pirate radio taskforce. They’re trying to track your broadcasts. If you broadcast from the same place more than two or three times there’s a good chance that they’ll track you down again.’
‘Damn,’ Lee cursed. ‘D’you reckon that Katie’s information is good?’
Fred shrugged. ‘She’s got someone in the Ministry, but she’s so scared for their safety that she hasn’t told anyone who it is. That’s why she doesn’t want you to let anyone know that we know about the taskforce. Whoever it is that Katie is using has been pretty accurate so far.’
‘Oh, well, we’ll just have to keep moving,’ Lee shrugged. ‘You’ve heard nothing from Harry?’
‘No,’ Fred shook his head sadly. Lee slapped him on the back.
‘Cheer up, Fred; tonight you start your broadcast career.’
‘You lying git,’ George greeted his brother. ‘I heard that broadcast, you nicked my codename.
Fred grinned. ‘You’re not really a Rapier, are you? I’m the one with the rapier like wit. But don’t worry; I’ve come up with a new codename for you, Monologue. Get it, Mono-lug?
George groaned. ‘I haven’t finished tidying up, yet, those gits did a lot more damage than we thought.’
‘Lazy, lying, prat!’ grumbled Fred.
‘Sneaky, lying, pillock!’ replied George. They grinned at each other.
‘Oh well, let’s get back to work,’ sighed Fred.
It was after midnight; George groaned and stretched. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘that’s the last of the stock repaired, and we’re finally ready for our customers in the morning, if we get any.’
‘Business through the door hasn’t been good, has it?’ Fred observed pouring two generous shots of Firewhisky into a pair of cut glass tumblers and handing one to his twin.
‘No,’ George confirmed, ‘but the owl order business is still doing very well. No one wants to be seen coming through our door, that’s the trouble. They know our sympathies, they know that we’re being watched, and they’re frightened to shop here.’
Fred nodded sadly and raised his tumbler. ‘Harry, Ron and Hermione, keep fighting, kids, wherever you are.’
‘Dumbledore’s Army,’ George replied, chinking his glass against his brother’s. They downed their Firewhiskies.
‘Let’s get some kip, eh?’ George nodded his agreement but before they could climb upstairs to their apartment, a silver weasel flew into the room and landed in front of them.
‘News from Bill,’ the weasel spoke in their father’s voice. He sounded calm, but unusually authoritative, ‘They know that Ron’s with Harry, we’re all in danger; you need to go to the safe house. Now!’
The twins looked at each other, grinned, ran into the shop and rapidly began casting spells.
‘Alarms are set!’ George announced after a minute. He dashed down into the cellar.
‘Defences ready,’ Fred shouted a couple of minutes later. ‘Need a hand down there, George?’
George's reply was drowned out by the sound of someone blowing a raspberry so loudly that the shop windows rattled.
‘They’ve arrived, Georgie-boy,’ Fred shouted. He peered out of the shop window. A curse hit the window and rebounded. The masked Death Eater who had fired it fell to the ground, writhing in agony.
‘How many hits do you reckon the window will take?’ George asked, arriving next to his brother.
‘Dunno,’ Fred shrugged, ‘but we’d best not be here when it shatters.’
‘I’ve lit the fuse.’ George now had to shout over the din. The windows rattled. The alarm raspberry continued to blow noisily and wetly while the shop sign sprayed the Death Eaters surrounding the shop with a foul-smelling slimy green liquid. A roaring noise came from the basement. Fred nodded in understanding and handed his twin an invisibility cloak. ‘Cauldron roof?’ he shouted. George grinned and nodded.
They stepped into the stock room and pulled two cardboard cut-out wizards from behind a cupboard. One tap of their wands and the cardboard Fred and George sidled into the shop and began waving through the window. Fred pulled the cupboard forward, shrank himself, and ran into what looked like a large mouse hole, his brother following behind him.
The twins had a good view down Diagon Alley from the roof of the Leaky Cauldron. They pulled out their Omnioculars and settled down to watch the show. Their shield window was still holding; several Death Eaters had stunned or injured themselves in their attempts to break in. The two cardboard wizards were now making rude gestures through the window.
One Death Eater dashed through the spray of green goo and reached the shop door. He tried the handle; it grabbed him around the wrist and held him tightly while the store sign swung down and began beating him over the head. Fred howled with laughter and slapped his twin on the back. ‘When did you do that?’ he asked.
‘That’s why I hadn’t finished tidying up when you got back,’ George explained. ‘It’s a DE-detector.’
The window finally shattered. Dozens of Verity Truth-bombs shot out from the broken window, splattering graffiti over Death Eaters and the surrounding buildings. For a moment there was silence. A dozen foul smelling, paint spattered, masked individuals moved cautiously forwards.
Then there was an explosion that blew the chimney from the shop and rained broken masonry on the Death Eaters. A series of fireworks shot out from the shattered remains of the chimney. The words –Support Harry Potter†flared into the night sky, surrounded by spectacular explosions of colour. The same cartoon Voldemort as on the Verity Truth-bombs ran back and forward under the words, and a mallet wielding stick-figure Harry chased the fleeing Voldemort.
One of the Death Eaters tried to dispel the firework Voldemort. He was immediately targeted by two small rockets. The fireworks streaked towards him, swerving around each other. He managed to hit one of them before it reached him, but the resulting explosion left him black-faced, coughing, and unable to stop the second, which streaked round and hit his backside. When the smoke cleared, the twins saw a neat circular hole in the wizard’s robes and underwear, revealing a bare blue backside.
‘Now, there’s a sight you don’t see every day,’ chuckled George.
Fred had pulled out a camera and was busy photographing the combat. The Death Eaters were in disarray, and a second was blasted into the air by a firework; he too was the recipient of a blue bum jinx. Finally, one of them managed to hit the cardboard Fred, which burst into flames.
‘Decoys,’ the twins heard the Death Eater shout, ‘the bastards are probably long gone. Homenum Revello.’
‘They’re going to start looking for us,’ George observed, ‘it’s time to go and make Aunt Muriel happy to see us.’
‘Sonorus,’ Fred muttered, before loudly shouting, ‘So long, suckers, thanks for the show.’ He pulled off his invisibility cloak and waved from the roof as they Disapparated.
Fred and George's Busy Day by Northumbrian
Chapter Notes: Fred and George continue to lead peaceful, placid, law-abiding lives. These two hard-working and honest shop owners do their utmost to comply with the requirements of the new regime. They would certainly never get involved in, for example, a jailbreak.
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks (in alphabetical order) to Amelie, Andrea, and Apurva for their comments, corrections and input. Please review. Constructive criticism is always gratefully received.