The girl with a green knitted beret on her head, and an apple in her hand, ducked behind the corner of the Three Broomsticks when she saw her brother swaggering along the cobbled high street of Hogsmeade, with his cohort of equally obnoxious friends.
It wasn’t that Lily didn’t like him. In the usual run of things, she got on far better with James than any of her other relations (especially Albus, who could be an uptight arse at times and Rose, who was infuriatingly bright).
However, he’d really upset her the night before. She’d walked into the Great Hall, trying to act nonchalant in front of the Hufflepuff table (and especially Greg Cadwallader, who was looking so lush these days), when James had struck. Not only had he started making kissy faces at Lily, he’d offered, in a very loud voice, to go right over to the Hufflepuff table and have a ‘man to boy chat with Greggy’. When Lily had hissed at him to shut up, he’d said in an even louder voice that he was ‘only looking out for his baby sister,’ then muttered, "Cadwallader’s a tosser, Lily. You can do so much better."
“You’re just sour because Hufflepuff beat us in the last match!” she’d hissed. Then, as she’d caught Greg’s eye and saw him quickly look away, Lily had run straight out of the Great Hall and to the kitchens, where she’d munched her way through three bowls of apple crumble and then felt sick.
Greg had not been at breakfast the following morning, but she’d seen him head off into Hogsmeade with a crowd of other Hufflepuffs and she could have sworn his fingertips were touching Eleanora Bennett’s.
She was sure Greg had been about to ask her out. In their last Herbology lesson, he’d borrowed her silver potting knife. Eleanora had not looked at all happy about that. She’d scowled and then said very loudly that her potting knife was new. Ignoring her, Greg had smiled at Lily and said thank you when she’d handed it over.
It had all been going so well. She’d been biding her time (most unlike her because she usually rushed at everything) and now James’ comments had sent Greg scuttling to Eleanora.
Bloody James! It was all his fault.
“What are you doing lurking out here?”
Lily looked up and saw Madam Rosmerta levitating an empty barrel across her back yard. “Sorry, I was avoiding someone.” She swallowed. “My brother, James, actually. He’s being horrible at the moment, and I don’t want to see him yet - not until I’ve sorted out how to make him pay.”
Rosmerta started laughing. “You know something, Lily. I know everyone says you’re just like your mum, but you’ve always reminded me far more of your namesake.” She winked at her, and then putting down the beer barrel, she sat on it, gesturing for Lily to join her. “You see, although Ginny Weasley was good at revenge -- I remember seeing her Bat-Bogey Hex -- but she wasn’t subtle. Your grandma, however...” She lowered her voice. “Lily Evans always thought the punishment should fit the crime, so when your granddad used Swelling Solution on a spider and introduced it into the girls’ bathroom...”
Lily’s eyes lit up with excitement. She was so used to hearing stories about her granddad’s tricks, but it had never occurred to her that her grandma was of the same ilk. “What did she do?”
“She devised a big sticky web across his bed that trapped him for at least an hour.” Rosmerta laughed at the memory, her eyes twinkling as she retold the tale. “Sirius tried to pull him free and got stuck, too. They were pulling bits of web off their skin for days.”
Lily perked up and started to laugh. “Wow! And I’ve always been told that my grandma was practically perfect.”
“Perfect for your granddad, maybe,” Rosmerta murmured. “He would never have settled down with a goody two shoes.”
Lily grinned at Rosmerta, her mind now awhirl with ideas.
It was simple to buy the sweets, and easy to Charm them. The hardest part would be getting James to eat them, yet Lily had a plan. Peering through the windows of the Three Broomsticks, she took a breath. The pub was full with pupils from every house. Perhaps James didn’t deserve such a drubbing in public.
“Lily! My baby sister!” yelled James from his table as she walked in. “All by yourself! What happened? Did Cadwallader not ask you out? Shall I challenge him to a duel?”
Lily blushed and then gritted her teeth. He deserved all the humiliation she could wreak on him. Wanker!
In the corner, Eleanora smirked at her. Her left hand was pawing at Greg in a way Lily was sure must be annoying, although he didn’t seem to be protesting. Ah well, once he’d seen her in action, he’d soon forget about Eleanora.
“Get lost, James,” she shouted back, hiding her grin as she pulled out the bag of sweets.
“Aww, been shopping for sweeties, little sis? What you got?” he demanded, and waltzed across to her.
“Nooo!” she cried, injecting a whiny note to her voice as he snatched them. “James, give them back! They’re mine!”
A grinning James opened the bag and spying the sweets, helped himself to three. “Ta, Lily.”
Then he started to chew. Resisting the urge to smirk in case he spat them out, Lily stared at her oldest brother and tormentor.
Ordinarily, he was a good-looking boy. Even Lily, as his sister, grudgingly admitted that James scrubbed up well and was quite the witch magnet. But any witch would be repelled now. Lily watched James’ lips swell and his cheeks puff out. She saw his look of astonishment turn to one of horror as the sweets in his mouth became larger and stickier, clogging up his teeth and tongue.
The pub fell silent. All that could be heard were the gummed up grunts of James. Even Scorpius Malfoy, who was sitting at the back, stopped debating Quidditch moves with his captain, and stood up to get a better look at the action.
“Aghl,” James spluttered. “Wha guh gug, Ly?”
“What are you asking me, darling brother?” she trilled, grinning as she faced him.
He pointed frantically to his mouth. “Wha guh gug?”
“Goo goo ga ga?” she cooed, and smiled sweetly. “Aww, has Jamesie-Wamesie decided he wants to be a baby? How cute.” She looked away from him and smiled at her audience. “I did tell you not to eat my sweets, you silly ickle-boy. Perhaps next time you’ll listen.”
Then, turning towards Greg, waiting for his appreciative grin, she stopped. He wouldn’t look at her. The expression on his face was one of utter bemusement mingled with horror. He actually shuddered in disgust and clasped Eleanora closer to him.
So, turning on her heel, Lily ran out of the pub, only slightly heartened by the cheers emanating from some of Rosmerta’s other customers.
“What a prick!” she muttered to herself, wishing she’d saved a sweet for ‘Greggy’ “ that would stop him snogging Eleanora. Ruefully, she walked up the street, kicking a pebble with her foot. James had been right about him. Anyone who could be put off asking her out by a stupid remark from her brother wasn’t boyfriend material. Obviously, Greg only wanted a well-behaved, limpet of a girlfriend.
“Genetically it could never work,” she sighed, somewhat dramatically. “Two sets of grandparents have seen to that.”
“Oy, Potter!” someone shouted after her. Looking back, she faltered when she saw the smirking face of Malfoy, his fringe flopping over his eyes, peering round the door. “If you’ve got any more of those sweets, I wouldn’t mind shutting your bloody cousin up, as well.”
Seeing him wink at her, Lily felt something inside of her lift. She might have absolutely no chance with Greg, but this day was definitely ending on a surprising high.