I have to say that out of all of the stories on the archives, this is one of my favorites. It shows emotion that not many can express or have the characters feel. You did a great job with it.

In the beginning, you didn’t have a lot of dialogue, but I liked the feeling you had flowing around. Of course Harry would be hurting. He had just seen his Headmaster die basically to save him.

This story probably would have happened, and it was extremely believeable. Even though we didn’t hear of something like this happening, I can actually believe that it did that night. It was an interesting twist on something on the story we saw.

I was a bit worried though when you had Harry think certain things. In Order of the Phoenix, you see that he shows his emotion in another way when he was expelled. He holds it in and seems to get moody and nervous. It seems that all these thoughts about crying seem a bit out of character, but that might just be my opinion of it.

Towards the end, you did have more dialogue, which was good, and I liked it. I like the touch of Dean and Seamus coming in to the dormitory. I think that they would be saying that type of thing. After all, Harry knew what happened when Dumbledore died, though not many others did, and certainly not them. The loss of the Headmaster, so suddenly, would have been a shock to all there.

Other then that, I loved your dialogue. It seemed to flow well in your story, and it worked.

Harry did seem a tad out of character with the crying part, but I think it is all right due to the situation that he was in and such. He did cry over Dumbledore’s body.

The gentle tides of sleep finally washed over him as he held onto Ginny in front of the fire in the common room. He knew things couldn’t stay like this. He knew what he had to do, and a plan was slowly forming and taking shape within his mind, but for now…for tonight…he wanted this. Nothing was going to take him from her side.

I love that paragraph. Harry loves Ginny and I love the way you worded this. Like he could have a night of peace before the hardships begin again and he must leave her side, if only for a little while.

Other then this I just have a few nitpicks.

-- He didn’t know what he wanted and wished he could just find sleep.

Your are contradicting yourself with this sentence. In the previous sentence, you said Harry wanted to be alone, and now you say that he doesn’t know what he want.

-- "Go back to your own dorm, twerp" Seamus replied, disgruntled, and Harry heard the door slam shut.

First off, there would be a comma after twerp. Secondly, I don’t think that Seamus would call Colin that.

-- Harry had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. He was not going to cry.

This seems a bit weird. In Order of the Phoenix we see that Harry takes out his emotion in other ways, not crying. So why would he cry now?

-- I couldn’t move – I couldn’t help.

I think that a semi-colon would be more appropriate in this spot.

Once again, great job with this story!

~Alyssa

Wow. I really like that, I have to admit. I normally dont read things in first person but this was good. I think that you have Harry spot on. I have always pictured him not wanting to be a hero and wanting to blend in with everyone else. Though I wasn't expecting people not being over the war five years later, at least not like that. I knew that there would still be damage, most likely, and that people would have some horrible memories, but I never imagined that it would be that bad. Especially Seamus. Overall I just love your story.

~Alyssa

This is so sweet!

I think that you do have Harry's characterization right, but I would have loved for him to think about his wife. After all, Ginny must have played a part in his decision, right?

Great job, and I will definitely be reading your other poems very soon.

~Alyssa

You told me about this the other day and I am just reviewing it now. Sorry.

I have to say that I was a bit shocked in the beginning. I was trying to figure out who Hermione was married to and I kept reaching the conclussion of Ron. >.< Then I kept thinking that the person she saw outside would be Harry. Though I have to say that it was very good. I would have never in a million years thought of something like this.

I just wish you wrote more. I really want to see how Victor would react to seeing Ron after he insulted Hermione. It would be interesting to read.

I also just want to say that I think you have Hermione spot on the nose!

~Alyssa

Author's Response: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR! I didn't want anyone to know who her husband was at the beginning, so I chose my words very carefully. I wanted to use the element of surprise. :] I have always identified with Hermione a lot, as well, so I find her quite easy to write.

The only thing I have to say is, I love it and can't wait for the next chapter. :)

~Alyssa

Author's Response: *giggles* Chapter two is going into the queue shortly! I'm glad you like it! =) *hugs*

Okay, first might I say, I had my doubts. Reading the summary…well, I wondered how on earth Voldemort would fall for anyone…and who he would fall in love with.

And even though I had my doubts, I read it…and might I say, it’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Bravo.

Only one little tiny nitpick: “I’m afraid I can’t do that Tom,” replied Dumbledore calmly. “How many times do I need to answer this, Tom?” he sighed after a moment.

I would only put one Tom, and get rid of the second one, else it sounds a tad repetitive.

She, therefore, received the full wrath of Peevid's 'lurvley' spree. She fell down unconscious, thinking of her Lord and Master till the very last moment.

First thing I thought was: “Bellatrix will love this!” I have to say, that last line…”thinking of her Lord and Master till the very last moment” would have made me think she was dead…unless I read the “she fell down unconscious” part.

There are so many things that make this one of the best fics that I’ve read in a while…I love the characterization, as it is most appropriate in this use. Also, I think that this would make a lovely fic for the humour section.

Once again, great job! I look forward to reading your other one shot and hopefully more things from you in the future!

~Alyssa

Author's Response: First things first, thank you so much for reviewing Alyssa! And thanks for pointing out the errors. I'm glad you found the fic funny--trying to write humour involves a lot of effort.

First let me take a moment to say congrats on finishing your story for the mini gauntlet. Now, I shall move on to the story itself. First here are some mistakes I caught while reading your fic.

no would we?”

Should be “now would we?”

The stream made her change her direction, because she didn’t fancy falling into the water. Navigating the stones that lined the banks of the stream slowed her down dramatically. She really didn’t want to sprain an ankle where there was no one around to help her. There were a few healing charms she knew,

I would change on of the didn’t-s. It seems a bit repetitive to have two so close together. Not only are they in the same paragraph, but they are only separated by a sentence…Just a suggestion, though.

After about 30 minutes

All numbers under a hundred should be written out, so it should be: thirty minutes.

She watched entranced as the younger dragon landed.

There should be a comma after watched and another comma after entranced.

The first thing I noticed while reading this fic was the beginning. I think that maybe it would have been better to expand upon the beginning a bit more, for it seems like you’re just telling us things, and I think it would have been better if you had shown us, instead of just talking about it.

Secondly, I must say that I really enjoy this story. It is interesting to read about Tonks being near dragons because I can’t really picture her there…She’s clumsy so I thought that it would have been the place she wouldn’t want to go, but the way you have her there partly because of Charlie, it helps me believe her being there.

As for the plot itself, it doesn’t really seem connected to me. The visit from Hagrid seems a bit random, and I think that if you had added something more about him and Tonks and Charlie meeting together again towards the end of the fic it might have made more sense…

Characterization…I rather like your characterization, though I think that Tonks might be slightly off. Some parts don’t feel like something she would say or do, but rather what anyone else would do. I find it easier if I try to think like the character I’m writing, personally, but that’s just me. I like your Tonks, but it just seems off…I can’t really pinpoint it exactly…

Once again, I really like this story and great job.

~Alyssa

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review. I will try to incorporate a few of your suggestions into the story and fix the few things you suggested. It is always nice to get some fresh eyes reading over a story and getting other people's insights. :) I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. I have written many stories with Tonks, and this one keeps consistent for how she has developed in my mind. I will try to read through and see if I see anything to make it seem more like her, though I think she has taken off in my head to be like I wrote her here. :) Cyns

First might I start off that this story is rather interesting, unlike anything that I’ve read of late. It shows us a different side of James and Sirius, a side that would have never appeared at Hogwarts. Maybe our favorite Marauders really can be mature, or maybe they always were, but the war really made that part shine in them. Either way this is an interesting one shot, showing something that I have no doubt would have actually happened.

Throughout your story you progress nicely, with a very nice concept and plot to this one shot. This story answers a question that so many authors have a question about, and want to portray but never do portray: how did they act? J.K. Rowling never really told us much outside of what was in the books. There is some information in her interviews, and the prologue that she released, but never enough for us to more than grasp the characters she created.

While this story is mostly a conversation between Sirius and James, I think it’s a good setup for what Sirius believed. We all know that Sirius thought Remus was the traitor, since Peter was deemed unable to be one, and Dumbledore said there was a traitor in their mist. Sirius and James were like brothers, of course Sirius would tell James. It only makes sense that one would tell someone they are close to this, especially if that someone was in grave danger.

But then it occurs to him that maybe Sirius isn’t asking because he doesn’t know the answer but because he hopes he doesn’t; maybe, despite his protests to the contrary, Sirius just wants a reason to believe this is all just another school game after all; maybe he wants James to tell him there’s nothing to be scared of.

Perhaps you could make this a couple of sentences instead of one long one. It’s a very powerful sentence, but it’s a bit long and has the potential to be even better than it already is. Having it split up will help us, the readers, to understand easier that these thoughts are important to the story, that they have a lot of meaning for it.

Overall, I really like this story. It is perfectly canon, and it is a good example of our dear Marauders at best. James and Sirius are characterized very well. I especially love Sirius, saying how his death wouldn’t affect as many, he is so very brave for his friends. Though James is very good too, he is a true friend when Sirius implies that it would be alright if he died, but not James.

Great work on this story!

~Alyssa

Interesting story, I really like the idea of taking bits and pieces of the years and making them into a one shot. It’s a good way to show the reader what they need to know, when they need to know it.

Your characterization seems spot on to me, and I love the repeating theme of “I am a Gryffindor.” James was very proud to be one, though his family had a history of Gryffindors, and it makes sense that he constantly thought of it. He probably wanted to impress his family, though who knows if they would think James jumping into an icy cold lake is impressive…or just place stupid, and to live up to the Gryffindor name. I also love the relationship between James and Lily. This was something that was being debated not long ago on the forums in the MWPP class, whether or not James love Lily from first sight, and it being a kid love or not. I have to say I agree with what you have here. I think that James would have thought Lily was cute, but would have never really pursued her because of the fact that she is friends with Snape, first and foremost, and maybe he did have interest in other girls, that is wholly possible. You definitely have a lot of food for thought in this story. It is very uncliched and original. :D

Other than that, I would have liked to see some more at the end. As a reader we have a suspicion as to who the letter was from, but we don’t know. I would have really loved to know that. It just feels like there is so much more that the reader doesn’t know at the end, and while it’s implied as to what happens, I would have really loved to read it happen.

Overall, great story! It’s very original, and a good read.

~Alyssa

Jess,

This story is so very wonderful. One complaint though, it needs a sequel! You left us hanging with a one shot, it's so not right. It's a cruel and unusual punishment. I think all of us Harmony fans would love and much appreciate a sequel. So you should consider that.

Great one shot!

~Alyssa

Author's Response:

Hmm, I might have it in me for a sequel, but in the future. If you're looking for more (smuttier) Harmony, I recommend checking out Heat of the Moment. :D

Thanks for the review. *hugs*

~Jess