Right, let me kick off this review by being honest with you. When I first read this fic, whilst I enjoyed it, I did find the first person POV rather ponderous and introspective(We,, derr, Carole, First person is introspective). I'm not a huge fan of first person and that counted against this fic for me. I did recognise that it was well-written and also very touching. Now then, I've re-read it because I felt a bit guilty about not reviewing and .... I don't find it at all ponderous now. I really like the style of the piece and the way we see Scorpius through Albus' eyes is great. The detail about the way he eats, his clothes, his hair is wonderful and he comes over as a proper character rather than a name.

I do have a bit of an issue with Albus being a Slytherin. It's your story and your portrayal so obviously you can do what you want, but you didn't convince me in this fic why he should have been put there. I don't think it would have been enough that he wanted to be a Slytherin, I do think he'd have had to show some Slyth qualities (cunning, ambition, ebilness *snort*) - he didn't seem to have that. He did actually seem far more Puff than anything else as he wasn't brave, or wildly intellectual either. That's minor, btw, but I just wanted to share it with you.

Albus' growing feelings towards Scorpius are very well drawn and I am VERY pleased that you ended it with being unrequited. To me this made it more real (and also heartbreaking) . Scorpius' reaction was astoundingly good. He didn't reject him out of hand because he owed Albus so much. I thought that was wonderful (I'm starting to think that Scorpius should be a Puff as well!).

Something I would have liked to see was a scene with James because he seemed to have sussed that Albus was gay, yet as they were in diff houses I'm not sure they'd spend that much time together. See - I wanted you to write more - ha ha.

Jess, I'm impressed with your first slash fic - which is actually much less about slash and sex than real feelings and unrequited love. Well Done. ~Carole~

Author's Response:

Well hello there!

I get what you mean about first person. It is not my favourite POV, either. But, after starting this fic in third person and getting about one quarter the way through it, I knew that it was all wrong and that it had to be in first person. I wanted it to feel like Albus, not someone talking about him. Had I known that there was going to be a character clinic thing when I wrote this, I would've saved it for that. 

I also get the on the fence-ishness about being a Slytherin, but to be honest, when I was writing this, I was more worried about it being too long and not fitting into a one-shot, so I never went back to add details after I knew that I had the word count to allow it. I also didn't want it to be rambly, which can happen in intense internal dialogue.

I knew how I wanted to end this story before I put one word into it. I knew that it wasn't going to be a happy ending, but I also knew that Scorpius really was his friend through and through. It's hard to fall in love with someone who doesn't possess qualities that make them, well...loveable, lol. I thought that the kiss would probably be the best way to go, because I didn't want Albus to have any 'what if's.

Truthfully, I never thought of putting a scene in with James. Now that you mention it, it makes more sense than him having a chat with Harry. However, being a daddy's girl myself, I talk about everything with my dad. I didn't see any reason why Albus couldn't trust his dad with that sort of secret (well, at least he thought that it was one).

The reason I wrote this one the way that I did is because I wanted to break the mould on what bothered me about most slash/SSP stories. Instead of it being about 'hawt sex', it's about love and hurt and rejection. That is what love is about most of the time anyway. That's what the title means, by the way; his secret is that he loves his best friend, his hell is that Scorpius doesn't love him back, and his burden in dealing with that rejection. I'm sure that not a few people thought that one of his issues was being gay, but I don't see it that way. I even tried to make sure that the reader knew that he didn't have a problem with being gay once he figured it out.

For my SPEW 007, I'm actually embarking on a journey with Albus. I'm going to make that story about him, but he's going to be a Gryffindor (though after bickering with the Hat). I'm keeping some of the aspects of this story, such as Albus crushing on Scorpius, but Harry's not going to know about it. I have future ebil plans for that, as this story is going to be VoJP compliant. It'll end up being a million pages long, but I want to do it right. This story was almost like a preview/snapshot of it.

Thanks for reviewing, and thanks for getting this far in my rambly responses, as I am wont to do. I'm glad that you changed your mind about the POV, because after trial and error, I'm sure that this was the only way that if could have been done. 

Take care and happy writing!

Jess

Hello. I like Oliver fics - partly because I've written one and so I'm intrigued at fresh takes on his character. He's so obsessed with Quidditch that there has to be something more to him - LOL. Anyway, I like your interpretation of him. He's still as focused but that's not all there is to him and you can see that it troubles him slightly that he's drifting away from his friends.

I have some issues with the timeline in your fic. They're about to play Hufflepuff, which in POA, was the first match of the season (they switched barely two days before from playing Slytherin) yet Oliver talks of them having a rough season. They had had a rough season, but he was content with the team this year and trusted them to do their best. In fact their season before wasn't rough because Quidditch matches were cancelled when the Chamber was opened. That's a minor thing though.

I do like the revulsion he feels at realising Ginny is only twelve - poor Oliver! But I don't understand why he doesn't immedietly know who she is. He knows Fred and George very well, after all, and I'm sure Ginny would have been introduced at some point especially as she's a second year. Mind you boys are bad at social niceties so perhaps it didn't occur to the twins to do that.

To wrap this up, I enjoyed reading about the lovely Oliver and thought your characterisation of him was really good. Good luck in the competition ~Carole~

Author's Response: Hi Carole! Urgh, I'm awful at fitting my stories with timelines. I tried digging some for this story, but I try not to let canon control the outcome completely, because which team they played when is after all not the point in my story. I'm glad you pointed that out, though, as it's something I need to work on. Overall, I think you'll just have to have a bit of imagination when reading ;) It's hard fitting stories into the canon timeline and get it 100 percent right and still have an interesting, original story. Anyway - I'm glad you liked my Oliver, he really is an interesting character to write! Thank you for reading :)

OOOH! Gina, this is brilliant. I was on tenterhooks all the way through. First of all I thought it was Oliver (no idea why) then Harry ... but Draco - WOW! Okay at that point I was thinking 'Oh no another Drinny (or is it Ginco?) but you gave them a reason to like each other.So many authors ignore the fact that they never seemed remotely interested in each other but just get together because they think it's 'cute'. You, however, have made Draco a different person (not totally different).He admits Azkaban has changed him and yet he still carries a certain amount of arrogance. DAMN! You may just have converted me to Ginco - although perhaps I can subvert it into Scorpius/Lily *breathes deeply* yes, that's what my canon bound soul will do.

Finally, I must add how great your scene setting and description are, I really felt that I was there at the Masque (DAMN, I wanted to be) - an extremely good take on Muggle swinging parties and the fact that wizards/witches can get away with this. Wonderful fic. Sorry, I should stop fangirling now because I'm becoming embarrassing. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Carole! You have no idea how thrilled I am with this first review! Thank you!! I'm not sure I've ever written a non-canon pairing like this before, so it's quite a stretch for me. Plus like you said - it's hard to throw together non-canon pairs and keep them in character and give them a real reason for being together. I figure this story is either a hit or miss - the reader will either believe it or they won't, love it or hate it, nothing in between. I'm bracing myself for more of the latter, so to get such a positive first review is just amazing!! Thank you so much for the boost of confidence. And thank you for reading this. Now that I'm done I've just started catching up on some of the other entries that have gone up over the weekend and look forward to reading your latest! Thanks again! ~Gina :)

OOOH, Kara - this is so good. It's cute, funny and had me grinning all the way through. I think you've captured two teenage girls perfectly from Lavender's line about wanting the robes to 'fit' properly, and Parvati's angst about Harry. Oh, but poor Dean ... who does he go with. (Actually he goes with Mandy Brocklehurst in my story ...) Thank you for making Lavender happy with Seamus and also not the manipulative mush-head she's so often portrayed as.

Adorable fic . ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank youuu so muuuch Carole! I'm always very excited about your reviews :D I'm glad you thought I did well with the teenage-part; you know I was anxious to get them right. Also, I'm proud that you liked Lavender, heehee – as your own interpretation of her is so great. Brainfuzzyness is keeping me from writing a proper response here.. But I loved our review, thank you very much for it! Love Kara

I like the premis of this story; it sounds very interesting and I'll certainly be checking back for updates. You've certainly left a lot of unanswered questions that are intriguing (why is she running away? What are her parents bigotted about? Who found her?) and I can't wait for Remus to turn up. Your writing is descriptive too, but not over-wordy, so it flows well. This prologue is a bit short for my taste - but then it's a prologue so that doesn't matter and it serves its purpose very well. Interesting idea (but you could be right about the title - although he name Eia is interesting too.) ~Carole~

What do you mean, you don't support the ship Stop scuppering it. This is the only ship that makes sense! Jape or Snames or whatever you want to call it. Now then ... where is The Tell-tale Hart ... I had a banner somewhere.

Natalie, it seems you'll get more reviews for this than anything else - ha ha - I know it was a joke, but you shouldn't write so damn well that you make it plausible.

I will forgive you ... but I doubt Prongs will.

~Carole~

Author's Response: I love both Snames and Jape! :D And I really think you should do the smutty version. ;) You're right, Prongs would detest it. So would Severus. EEP! I dunno who I am more scared of. :(



~Natalie.

Ah ha - *rolls up sleeves* I've been waiting for this ...

Okay, despite the fact that I'm not keen on second person, and I REFUSE to believe that Sirius!SexGod is gay (because he's my man), I thought this was excellent. Honestly, you really pulled this off. The second person worked incredibly well and helped show the characterisation of Peter and also Sirius.

I adored the beginning - the way Peter wanted Sirius to fall off the chair because he so wanted Sirius to look a prat. Brilliant characterisation there. You got totally to the heart of Peter - in my opinion.

On the whole, I think you made a very plausible case for the both of them being gay (DAMN YOU! Sirius is NOT Gay) - especially with it being Sirius' way of NOT rebelling is to date as many girls as possible. - ha ha.

I did, I have to admit, have a minor 'hmm' at him telling Remus so quickly that he'd tried to kiss Sirius, but Remus' reaction was so natural (and wise) that it didn't feel wrong at all. Remus was the one, I feel, that they turned to with problems. Remus' reaction - that he thought Sirius would be more interested in James was absolutely priceless, and I could see this developing furthur *pretty please*. Unrequited passion for James would be so so so so so so intriguing ... heh heh heh.

Minor nitpick *can't believe I'm saying this to my wonderful beta*

cracking his skill Should that be skull?

Finishing up ... Well done ... and well worth jumping on that slash wagon ... in fact ... Drive the wagon, Emma, my love.

~Carole~

Author's Response: Carole,
Thank you thank you thank you :)
Second person - I'm so happy that it worked, because I was completely against having it in 3rd person, and iffy with it being written in 1st. It didn't help that I saw a thread on the boards where everyone was saying "I hate 2nd person!" So that's great it worked out :)
Peter telling Remus - Don't worry, I know where you're coming from there completely. I was a bit hesitant at first too, and then I realised that the thing Peter wanted most at that time was comfort, reassurance, even a 'Snap out of it!' He needed an 'outsider' to give him some advice. *cue Remus the wise* ;)
Typo-Thing - Oooer, I shall go correct that there, haha. Cheers (:
Overall - Thank you so much for the absolutely lovely review! I'm glad you liked it :D

“I locked the door for a reason,” he said as he slipped his wand into his back pocket. Handy, but out of sight, he thought.

Hmm, Mad-Eye wouldn't approve. Terri, great snapshot moment and original in that you didn't have one huge argument, and Walburga was actually crying over her shiftless son. The moments with Regulus were well played. You sort of hope he'll escape with Sirius, but it was not to be.

~Carole~

Author's Response: Carole, No, Mad-Eye would never approve. I wanted something different, a reason he left that was far from the huge blowout you mostly see. I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for your review. Terri

OOOh, that so sad and sweet. I really felt for both Harry and Petunia there - which shows your skill as I usually loathe Petunia.I did like how you took a canon moment - a brief snapshot - and fleshed it out to a full picture. Great story, Sarah. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you Carole :)

Hi there, This is a good idea for a fic, and you've portrayed all the characters accurately. I do think Snape deserved more recognition. Although - in canon - Snape's portrait has not appeared when the Trio visit the Headmaster's Office, this is plausible. My own feeling is that it may have been better to set this story a little bit later - perhaps in a day or so, simply because the Trio are remarkably eloquent and we know how tired Harry was. Also, I'm not sure Snape would have been awake quite so soon as Dumbledore certainly snoozed for a while after he'd died. That's just my opinion though, and I can see why you've set it straight after the Battle.

One nit pick. In your summary, you refer to this as being set after Deathly Hollows - it's Hallows.

Good moment in time, though. ~Carole~