04/08/10
My name's Dinny and I'm a hardcore Gryffindor! Hee hee. I am open to any ship at all though I don't read much slash. I have two OTPs: Draco/Hermione and Rose/Scorpius.
My favourite authors in here are: (you should probably check out their stories, too) MagEd, ron lover, Kerichi, Equinox Chick, lucca4, hestiajones, the opaleye, and ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor.
I hope you enjoy my stories! After many hardships, I manage to publish at least one that entertains :D
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Being by Rosehh
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: There was always the possibility that he'd created a monster.
But they couldn't be sure.
Not until now. Sexual situations warning is for description of childbirth.
Date: 09/01/10 Title: Chapter 1: Scared?
A creative scene to write about Tonks giving birth :) I have feedbacks for you exploding in my mind, but not all of them are quite positive and not quite negative either, but I hope you don’t get discouraged! I’ll just be pointing some things that might improve your writing. :)
The garden came up well this year, he decides.
I think it would have been better if you took out ‘he decides.’ The phrase seemed to be acting like a clutter. The whole opening paragraph was very lovely – the descriptive way you wrote it was simple yet vibrant in the sense of being graceful.
. . . each one gently holding its poise before beginning to dance when the summer came in a few months.
THAT is my favourite line. It was so artistic and at the same time, very poetic of you to base the petals of a flower as a dancer! But then, I got confused.
This is his escape.
Escape from what? From his wife?
Remus contemplating on the numerous colors of the flowers then having sentiments push through him gave him his ‘air’. What I mean is that adding thoughts about his wife made him more solid, thus becoming IC (in-character). Tonks’s shout being compared to a portkey was again, very creative! I’ve never thought of cries for help as a portkey, but it made so much sense and the line also says how Remus was by his wife’s side in a blink of an eye.
I can’t help but smile at the part where Remus didn’t know what to do. It’s all just so typical male, don’t you think? Even male wizards don’t know how to deal with that. His anxiousness and ‘what am I going to do?’ attitude was evident though he didn’t say it. I love how you wrote Remus as someone who looks at Tonks like she’s fragile (which she was at the moment). I can picture the scene in my head: Tonks’s body sprawled around the bed with pain governing her. The questions he asks himself about fear contributes to the fact that he’s about to be a father; a very nice detail :)
When he’s satisfied of her comfort, or the closest that he believes she can call comfort currently, he reaches over her shoulders and feels the hard, unnatural thing that was to be inside her for just a few hours longer.
I was disturbed at the mention of the ‘hard, unnatural thing.’ Even Remus as a werewolf wouldn’t think of his child like that, no matter if the child would come out as human or not. That may just be me though.
It’s the uncertainty that causes his feelings of dread to equal his feelings of concern for his wife, who smiles weakly at his touch, and there’s something else there, something he can’t, through all the confusion, place his finger on.
This made me go ‘aww.’ That was sweet. :) I can almost imagine his face as his feelings collide. The mention of a feeling he can’t quite figure out what it was made it all the more real. However, the phrase ‘through all the confusion’ gives a sense of a past tense so I think it would be better to say ‘with all the confusion.’
She whispers to him in incoherent fragments, her voice ebbing in and out, the irresolute tide gracing the shores of strength.
Good galloping gargoyles, the irresolute tide gracing the shores of strength? Incredibly poetic! I’m beginning to see you have a talent for this kind of narration. You should write some poetry – I know I would read it.
Andromeda being unsure to what should be done is another excellent detail. Some authors would miss how the wet nurse, or in this case, a mother, think in this particular situation. I think the lines describing that were one of my favourites in this fic, too. :D
Just another nitpick:
The rare skirt she is wearing is folded over, onto her stomach.
You don’t need the comma there after ‘over.’
I just love the last part. I think your writing there was yet again, brilliant. I’m going to say it again because I can’t keep from using it: your lines are so poetic, so artistic. The scene of the baby coming out was beautiful. Basing it by the feel of the child rather than visualizing it was fantastic. You put it so gracefully.
I think the ending deserved more than what it is. A sentence describing his love and joy for his family would be better than leaving it with ‘spreading the news.’ Over all, it was a lovely read. I’m serious about the poetry – you should really write one. I hope you wouldn’t be discouraged to my remarks! I enjoyed reading your story, and I hope you write more! Goodluck! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate all the time and effort that you must have put into that!
I understand what you mean about the ending - as I said above to another review, I've tried to write it many times and not got it quite right yet, and I'll edit it as soon as I can get something better.
You've given me some fantastic feedback that'll be really helpful, so thank you again!
All That I've Got by J Raven
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
Tom Riddle was always the perfect student, right?
Wrong
There was one spell he never could get right
A spell that required the one thing he couldn’t have
A happy memory
It’s hard to be the best when what you need is just out of reach
Date: 09/09/10 Title: Chapter 1: Everyone Else Has A Memory
Congratulations on your first fic! This one-shot is one of the few treats concerning Tom Riddle. He stayed very much in character all throughout the story, so good work on that! :)
It is a canon statement that almost everyone in the Dark Lord’s circle cannot produce a patronus, and writing a story about Voldemort himself and his patronus problem and setting it during his year in Hogwarts was a brilliant idea. The way he thinks negatively of everyone and enjoying himself while he cause other people pain and humiliation was Tom Riddle down to the core. However, there are some things that didn’t quite suit me.
Tom keeping his diary in his pocket – now, that seems a bit childish, don’t you think? He’s very well-known to be good in finding excellent hiding places (i.e. Horcruxes), and keeping it with him everywhere he goes doesn’t fit well to his character. The story didn’t state that he brings it with him always, but I would have wanted to know why it was with him during his Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
‘Get a grip, you can do this. Everyone else has a memory. Everyone else...’
Riddle went to Hogwarts around the late 1930’s, I’m not too keen to accept that the phrase, ‘get a grip on yourself’, was used during that time. Another reason is that it doesn’t seem like what a proud, arrogant villain would say to himself. Don’t get me wrong, I do approve of Tom keeping his spirits up, but the phrase isn’t good enough for his character. Maybe try to rephrase it?
“Professor, I've just remembered, I was supposed the meet with Headmaster Dippet ten minutes ago. May I be excused?” Tom feigned.
Wonderful detail! Dumbledore was the one who got him from the orphanage but it wasn’t till Riddle was out of Hogwarts that Dumbledore became the Headmaster. Good to see that you have stayed in the realms of canon!
Failure was for Mudbloods and Squibs!
Another wonderful detail! Too see in Riddle’s mind, we mustn’t forget that he despised those who does not pure of blood (other than himself, of course). This was really a great detail.
The Flashback – that was really a creative scene to write. You based the problem to Tom’s ability to speak to snakes, and you progressed it with the use of his anger and spite. I do love the way you wrote how his mind works. His hate for the cries of little girls, and his pleasure for causing mayhem. I have to tell you that though it was said that he had an unnaturally excellent control over his magic, stopping his and the two other children’s fall is too powerful, even for the child Riddle, but I may be wrong. . .
“Thank you.” Tom lifted his foot off Dennis’s hand and swept out of the cave, leaving the younger children alone in the dark.
As a child, he was a very naughty boy that others feared. I think Tom saying ‘thank you’ is a bit far-off. I mean, he can be quite charming when he needs to, but this happened before Dumbledore came to tell him he was a wizard. Another thing is that I don’t see him mocking (I’m assuming he was mocking when he said that) by using polite responses as a child. But don’t get discouraged! I love how you wrote the whole story, and I’m merely pointing out the tiny bits that might help you on your way to being a more grasping author. I would also like to add that when incorporating flashbacks, it’s best to put it italicized so that it doesn’t get confusing (no, your story wasn’t confusing, don’t worry).
Just two more nitpicks:
“Get up” Tom snapped and he looked around him for an idea of what to do next.
“No, you’re insane” Dennis spat.
You need to place a comma right after the last word of each of their quotation.
My favourite would have to be the last part. Seeing himself disarrayed unnerved him, and it was such a fantastic detail for you to add the mirror. He got mad at himself for appearing so weak, and I think cursing the mirror was just a great, great way to show his depth. When you described the students having never felt such raw power radiating from a person, I was really impressed. That was a simple yet firm description of his entrance to the classroom. I imagined him looking smug, but handsomely so. Now, his patronus trick was just plain ingenious! That was absolutely Tom Riddle, the Slytherin heir! I just love that part, and of course, he would pick a snake to represent him. Again, that was amazingly in-character. Excellent job! I hope you keep writing, goodluck!
Author's Response: Hi Dinny
I told you I would reply eventually. Sorry it took so long, I was writing a huge reply (though not a long as your review! Thanks ;))
Tom keeping his diary in his pocket – now, that seems a bit childish, don’t you think? He’s very well-known to be good in finding excellent hiding places (i.e. Horcruxes), and keeping it with him everywhere he goes doesn’t fit well to his character. The story didn’t state that he brings it with him always, but I would have wanted to know why it was with him during his Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
I agree that Tom was very good at finding hiding places but I also think it would be hard for him to hide anything while still at school. In Slughorn’s memory, Harry notes that Tom is wearing the ring and has therefore already killed his father. If we assume that Tom Riddle Snr was the murder to create the ring horcrux then he had no problem keeping it on his person. Also Tom was a thief when he as younger, I assume that he would therefore have a distrust for others as they might want to steal from him (especially after four years of living with Slytherins). My little brother steals my pens (sad, right) and I have found that keeping them with me most of the time is the best way to keep them safe. I doubt Tom would trust the magic of the Head Boy’s room to keep his most prized possessions safe, especially with Dumbledore being a teacher and presumably knowing all the passwords.
Riddle went to Hogwarts around the late 1930’s, I’m not too keen to accept that the phrase, ‘get a grip on yourself’, was used during that time. Another reason is that it doesn’t seem like what a proud, arrogant villain would say to himself. Don’t get me wrong, I do approve of Tom keeping his spirits up, but the phrase isn’t good enough for his character.
Now that I look back, I defiantly agree. I suck at different time periods. Do you think the Ministry would let me have a time turner for fanfic research purposes? Lol
I have to tell you that though it was said that he had an unnaturally excellent control over his magic, stopping his and the two other children’s fall is too powerful, even for the child Riddle, but I may be wrong. . .
Hmmm, I think you’re right. I’ve changed that a bit now, thanks
“I think Tom saying ‘thank you’ is a bit far-off. I mean, he can be quite charming when he needs to, but this happened before Dumbledore came to tell him he was a wizard. Another thing is that I don’t see him mocking (I’m assuming he was mocking when he said that) by using polite responses as a child.”
True, i never thought about that but you’re right, it is out of character. I’ll change it, thanks.
You need to place a comma right after the last word of each of their quotation.
Ah commas, the bane of my existence lol. I either put too many, not enough or use them to cause massive run on sentences. Thanks for the tip.
Finally, thank you for the amazingly long review. You made some wonderful points and helped me a lot. I’m really glad you enjoyed my story and I can’t wait to read more of yours.
Also thanks for ghosting me :)
Jess
On the Wings of Scarlet and Gold by lucca4
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary:
A war is brewing in the Wizarding world. Hogwarts is not the safe haven it used to be. Students are beginning to consider the unthinkable, desperate to save those they love. The corridors are filled with eager spies who are too young to realise the severity of their decisions.
In the midst of it all, the Marauders are closing in on their last year of schooling. James is learning that letting go is sometimes the only way to move forward. Lily discovers that what she was looking for all along is right in front of her, while Sirius and Remus struggle to keep the group together, each in their own way. And Peter begins to realise that he can be more than a tiny piece of a large puzzle, perhaps the most dangerous epiphany of all.
Sides must be taken, a war must be fought, and prices must be paid—some higher than others. Choices are made that will undoubtedly change the course of the future. And from this darkness, the phoenix must rise.
Date: 10/03/10 Title: Chapter 2: Confusing Conversations
OMG SHE'S GOING TO DIE?! NO FREAKING WAY!!
Okay, like, I fangirl your story right now. I can't resist typing that so I guess my SPEW skillz just went out of the window. I absolutely love the characterisation of the new professor, Professor McKinnon. I think it's very original though it somehow reminded me of Umbridge (which I think that you meant that to happen). Lily's boyfriend seem okay, but I wonder what kind of person he really is. Anyway, I'm obviously going to knock you off your knickers as I will bother you so much to submit the next chapter. SO PLEASE, KEEP GOING! I hope RL isn't eating you up; I really do wish for the next chapter to be up soon.
In your mercy of awesome author skillz,
Darth Dinny or Dorksville.
Author's Response: Yes, Dinny, she's going to die!! Because this is totally an AU fic :D . Yay! You don't know how happy I am that you fangirl this story (or that you let your SPEW skillz fly out the window ^.^). Seriously though, thank you so much for saying that! Professor McKinnon...we'll see about her. There's not too much about her in the next two chapters, but I promise she'll prove to be a...complex character. There'll definitely be more of Matthew, though! I'm sorry to say that RL is kind of knocking the wind out of me, and Chapter 3 won't be up for a while :( . I will get it up as soon as I can...expect it as a Halloween present, though.
You make my day by reviewing, by the way :) Just sayin'. xx Ariana
Date: 11/02/10 Title: Chapter 3: Perfection
Aww, poor Peter. I would pity him for more than just a second, but then I would have to forgive him for killing James and Lily, and sentencing SIrius to a lifetime imprisonment soo. . . . yeah. XD I LOVE the last part, Ariana. It had a fishy-smell to it, one that draws you in curiously. It was written very gently, yet it's like you have a very firm control of it. I'm excited to see what you've been brewing in that lovely-smelling cauldron of yours! Next chapter please! :D
Author's Response: Yeah. Making people (including myself) feel bad for Peter is very hard for me to do, but I'm working on it :). And I'm so glad that you liked the ending! I was worried I'd gone a little overboard with that...I really love how you described it, by the way. Gently written and with a fishy smell, that made me smile. Thank you so, so much for reviewing! And next chapter is being written with the speed of a thousand Hippogriffs ^.^ ~ Ariana
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Final Return
First of all, congratulations on your first fic! I extremely enjoyed reading the first chapter and I hope the next one is already in queu :)
In the opening paragraph, your description of the scene was written very beautifully. The short, simple sentences were so vivid, and grasping to the mind and the senses. I especially love the phrase ‘Rain and the everlasting English fog hung heavily in the sky.’ I thought it was both poetic and literal; strange combination, but wonderful result.
The scene of Remus and Sirius’s conversation was thoroughly IC, more so with the added detail of ‘the teasing of Manly McHill.’ It just seems so childish and boyish, so it was very much like our beloved Marauders. I find Peter’s sudden girlfriend intriguing for the story plot, but I thought that he was also IC by the look of his appearance when he entered the compartment.
As always, you wrote Sirius just the way he is. He was so funny here, and the sense of his borderline stupidity was evident! His whines and crave for attention fit him well, you did a really good job, Ariana :)
One of my favourites in this chapter is Remus’s metaphor about James’s situation. You were very clever to come up with that creative metaphor, and I could totally see Remus saying that with a hint of worry. I highly approve James’s reaction to it and Remus being put out by the waste of his effort. Again, all very IC!
Sirius being mad at James because of Lily – underneath that manly surface, it shows that he does care for his best mate deeply that he would go to the extent of going forward to him about giving up on Lily. It’s not the typical ‘boy best-mates reaction’, but seeing as Sirius and James were quite a different pair to begin with, it explains a lot when they truly care for each other’s emotional welfare.
I laughed when I reached the ‘Trolley Lady’ incident. I love how you don’t forget other minor characters and involve as much as canon characters, no matter how small their role is in the series.
I really, really love the detail of James’s enthusiasm for new Gryffindors and House spirit. Considering that he is an over-enthusiastic boy with a great big ego that is being fed by many a Quidditch wins, his behaviour during the sorting fitted so well! I know that the Marauders may be annoying, but they’re just adorable that way – and I think that making Lily see that little by little is a great Marauder Era fic to get it going with (as most Marauder Era fics should).
Lily being overly defensive about her current boyfriend – I don’t know why but sometimes, I hate Lily. She gets very self-centered at times, in my opinion—but that’s a good thing for an author! For a reader to acquire emotions while reading your story, it’s an excellent accomplished! :D
I was a bit confused as to why James used his ‘I’m serious and very business-like now’ attitude in front of Lily to remind her of their duties. It was an abrupt change in character, and I wondered why you don’t have explanation for it. Besides that, I absolutely love your characterization of Dumbledore! Most authors, I think, find it hard to portray him as he was in the books. He’s a very complex character and you wrote him convincingly! He was, at the same time, formal and. . . peculiar.
Over all, I’m very excited to see the next update, as I know you have a good, enjoyable plot to entertain me with. Good luck writing, Ariana! I’m very, very proud of you, and I hope you continue to excel in writing, school, and in life. :)
To use your phrase, ‘great, amazing, stupendous job, my friend!’ GO ARIANA! :D
p.s. Me, a genius? You must be off your rocker :p though I’m glad you love your title! I, too, love it!
Author's Response: Dinny Dinny Dinny! Firstly, thank you for the uber-long detailed review, I really wish my response would turn out to be just as long and just as amazing, but I don't think that's going to happen! :) I'm glad you liked the Marauder's camaraderie and Sirius--it's my favorite part of ALL to write! I'm so happy I could do it justice, at least in your eyes. I usually end up hating Lily in Marauder-era fics, too, at least in the beginning. I think it's because it's so easy to portray James's blatant love for her, but it's not always as easy to show her feelings behind the whole thing. I hope in the next chapter (which is in the queue as we speak!) she's a little easier to feel sympathetic to. James's "businessy" attitude wasn't so much "businessy," but more of his emerging sense of responsibility. He doesn't slack-off anymore (well, all right, he does, but not as much! ^.^) but he comes across as "Business/Serious" to Lily because she's not used to seeing this side of him. She has a set perception of him, and when it changes even slightly the whole thing is thrown out of whack in her mind :). Thank you, so, so much for reading and reviewing!! And thank you immensely for the title :D.
My Black Brother by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: He realises his brother was right.
Winner of Stage 2: Free Verse the Second Annual October Triathlon at Poetry Anyone. Nominated for a QSQ for Best Poetry.
Date: 08/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Natalie,
Truthfully, I don’t know where to begin. I’ve already expressed to you via AIM how much I loved this poem; so much that I printed it and taped it on my wall (where all things beautiful are on). I actually showed it to my sister and my mom, but I forgot that they’re not big fans of Potter and so they asked how I came to like such a racist poem. Also, they aren’t big fans of poetry either. Anyway, when I first opened the chapter, I knew that it would be another gorgeous poem, either about Regulus or Sirius. As I read through it, each line gave me chills. It raised goose bumps on my skin. This is, by far, my favourite poem from you.
I love how, in the beginning, it immediately referenced to the other brother. It made the poem focused and very much straight to the point. There wasn’t any “the wind was cold, the night was dark.” What I mean is that you introduced the reader to the point of the matter without any obstructions. I love how you began the poem by writing the expectations of them being born into a strict pureblood family and how their whole life has already been planned. Even with someone who isn’t familiar with how the Black family held their household, your words are very clear-cut and enlightening (to that someone). I’ve always admired those poems that despite being a riddle itself, it’s still strong and prominent. Yours is obviously one of those. I find the whole first stanza to be one of the most beautiful parts, especially these lines: “we were born into hate/ fed the victual of rancor/ blindfolded/ and poisoned.” Like I said, clear-cut and strong. It told me how they were raised. They grew up in a home where the most negative things to expose a child to was the most prevalent.
But then, we hear Regulus’ perspective. Although he denied nothing of what Sirius said, he stood by the name of his family and didn’t turn his back to it, unlike what Sirius had done. In four lines, you were able to summarize Regulus’ belief: that despite how wrong they are, blood is thicker than water. Knowing that by then, Sirius had left his family, I felt how Regulus understood this action as the birthright transferring to him. Besides not wanting to disappoint his parents, he really did want to see the family flourish. His pride for being a Black made him overlook the fact that this wasn’t how children was supposed to grow up to; he still recognized his house as his home. Maybe it’s just me and how I’m sentimental.
Then, oh my goodness, the next stanza is just amazing. “You, the black sheep –/ cheapened by your dare/ to be different,” I love how Regulus not only saw Sirius as the permanently rebellious sibling, but a Gryffindor. It’s like he saw it that he lived in a whole other universe. I think being sorted into Gryffindor really pushed Sirius into the direction his mind was already going to: pureblood supremacy is WRONG. Because of that, I think Regulus saw it as the last push that made Sirius pull away from his family – from Regulus. I loved the “you became nothing/ But a hole in the wall.” Despite that being actually literal, I loved the sentiment of it. ‘A hole in the wall’ is rather an apt description of someone who is very noticeable, and at times, an annoyance. I think Sirius fit the description very well (in my sentimental view). :D (Noticeable because I hear he’s very attractive).
“Yet, as I stand by this lake/ As I fragment,” I really love the ‘as I fragment’ line. I really, really love it. It’s sort of a goodbye. There was a certain tone to it that I believe he felt calm in accepting his end. My artistic~ mind actually imagined him literally fragmenting into the air. “Drinking in my faults/ My fallacies/ I see the truth.” Again with the acceptance. ‘Drinking in my faults’ is such a heartfelt line. It felt like he was drunk with the capacity of it, of how much he realized were his mistakes.
The last stanza is my favourite, most especially the last line. As Regulus finally saw the big picture, he saw his own person as well and how it wasn’t an existence worth living again. “This was my existence/ Passionless and colourless.” Okay, honestly, I could cry from that. His mind was so ingrained into raising his family into the ranks of society and saving his skin from making Voldemort mad that he didn’t get to live the life of a seventeen-year-old at all. His life was such a contrast to his brother’s. Where Sirius was very much alive and laughing, he was dead and quiet. The way you wrote his epiphany is wholly beautiful. “Verily I submerge to my end/ Blacker than you.” Like with your “Dreams of Green” poem, you couldn’t have ended this better. I mean, the last line was like that of a time bomb’s reaching its last second. I honestly don’t know what else to say but how I felt fully connected with Regulus here. “Blacker than you,” felt like the most important goodbye in the whole poem. It felt like he was saying that he still looked up to Sirius, forth-comings and all. He still loved him as his brother, because blood is thicker than water. It also felt like an apology. So there; an apology, a goodbye. I said earlier that there’s a tone to the poem. It felt much like how whispered wishes float along the riverbank – quiet, resigned, and humbling.
With your poems, I never seem to notice that it’s free verse until after I look through it (after reading the whole thing). There’s a certain beat to it; a novelty of your poems, I’m sure. As usual, the flow is stunning. I’d like to say it’s almost palpable. The beauty of the concept of your poems, not to mention the lyrical composition, will always be something I will be in pursuit with. Thank you for writing such a lovely, inspiring, beautiful poem, Natalie. Keep writing! :-)
-Dinny
Author's Response: DIINNNNNNYYY!
Promise Me by Sagen
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Andromeda Black has everything she has ever wanted; she is in love and soon to be married to Ted Tonks. However, her new-found happiness comes with a price, and she can’t help but wonder if she has made the right choice in leaving her family behind. As she starts her new life with Ted, will the future be a fairytale or the biggest mistake she has ever made?
A sequel to my story Stay With Me.
Date: 11/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: Promise Me
How sweet! Too fluffy for my taste, but sweet indeed, it was :) What a lovely story you've written here, Gen! Sorry I can't leave a much longer review - homework is finally burying me. Anyway, nice job! :D
Author's Response: It was a bit sweet wasn't, Dinny? But, I think we can get away with it. :P I'm very glad you like it!
Forever Entwined by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
From the first time Rose Weasley saw Scorpius Malfoy on the Hogwarts Express, she knew they were fated to be enemies. At least, that was the plan. But as the years went on, she found that it was easier said than done. The gap between who she was and who her family wanted her to be was always widening. Her life becomes a tangled web of mistakes and regrets as she finds herself drawn to the one boy she was told to hate, until finally she makes a choice. A choice that might have just lost her the only one who had always been there for her…
Date: 11/07/10 Title: Chapter 1: Forever Entwined
Dearest Ariana,
Do you how much I literally 'squee-ed' when I saw this? Here I was, innocently doing my essay homework that was assigned a month ago and due tomorrow, then I suddenly saw this - imagine my utter surprise (and ultimate delight, of course). Oh, friend, this was heart-achingly lovely. Bittersweet 'twas defined/ how beautiful like when the stars aligned! (I just said a poem, cor!) Anyway, I'm sorry I can't leave a very coherent review, and a SPEW-worthy one, but you see, if I would, my membership qualification would be questioned.
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I like how Rose isn't sappy (it makes me feel like I'm her), and I LOOOOVE how Scorpius is shy and timid at first but kind. Then he all went opposite of it, but still kept that side of him. Then he went and became a Healer - which I think is sexy. Oh bleeding, sodding hell, I love this.
Thank you so much! I wish it wasn't so bittersweet, but then if it weren't, I probably wouldn't have loved it as much. A million and one thanks, Ariana (and a box of your favourite doughnuts, too).
One more thing: I LOVE THIS.
Author's Response: Dinny! Thank you for reviewing! :) Your review means so much to me. I am so, so glad that you ended up liking it--I had no idea how it was going to turn out, considering I've never written Scorpius/Rose before. I was afraid of making it too fluffy (though it sort of already is :D) if there was completely sweet and romantic and lacked the bitterness. I'm so happy you liked it anyway! And don't worry about ever leaving me a SPEW review--this one works just fine! xx Ariana
Doubt by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary:
In the midst of the war, the Marauders and Lily have joined the Order, resolute in their decision to fight for justice. But times are hard, and soon, even the strongest of loyalties begin to wear thin.
This is lucca4 of Gryffindor writing for the final in the MWPP class on the Beta Boards.
Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Marauder era Story
Date: 03/09/11 Title: Chapter 1: Doubt
There isn’t much left to say that hasn’t been already said. Soraya, Bine, and Jess have mentioned more than adequately the effect your story had on your readers. So you should know that despite the not-so-flattering amount of reviews or reads you have, you have amazing, appreciative, very articulate, and intelligent readers (in which I hope I’m counted in that category :D).
Your characterization is ace. I bet you got an A++ in that MWPP finals. Sirius had that swaggering, careless attitude, but we all know that he’s a big softie which you made sure to show in those little snippets of him trying to cheer up Remus. Remus was a tired man (which he really is – most of the scenes in HBP involves him like that). He had that careful, calculating stance and he was still vulnerable to Sirius’s charm. I don’t mean it in a slash-y way, but in that close-friends way. He couldn’t not be cheered up by Sirius’s silly comebacks and answers. Peter was just. . . I really felt bad for him. That’s saying something since I can’t help but hate him without any second thoughts most of the time. It was especially depressing to know that he lost his girlfriend. I wonder if that ultimately broke his heart enough that it made his mind go in the other direction. James and Lily were sweet. They were so. . . I don’t know the right word to describe it. It’s just so them. It wasn’t merely James and Lily, but ‘James and Lily.’ Pretty vague, yes, but it’s hard to describe something close to perfection. Wouldn’t you agree?
I loved the scenes where they were each offered a place in the Voldemort’s circle. I think you chose the right Death Eaters to convince the Marauders and the right take of conversation between them. Rodolphus was undeniably smooth and offered it quite irresistibly. A gentleman by nature, but we all know he’s sadistic and twisted just like the most of them. The werewolf (I wonder if it was actually Greyback, but I doubt it) had the right amount of evasiveness for Remus; Enough to lure and enough information given. I think it shows that in the Dark Lord’s side, werewolves are put into their proper place as to how Voldemort sees it. A win-win situation for him—they eat as much as they like and they don’t get to live wizards. Severus was pretty convincing. I felt like he was a bit hostile at first since he never liked Peter (being the weak coward that he was), but I guess when dealing with Death Eater business, he has to deal with it accordingly. All of the Death Eaters were, I felt, very much in-character. Their actions fitted them well. I can’t say much of James an Lily’s Death Eaters but I like that there was at least a bit of action. :D
Overall, the whole concept was. . . intelligent. A story of one of the many troubles the Marauders and Lily faced in the war. The last paragraph was perfect – ending the story with realizations that made a friend guilty. Another lovely story. Great job, Ariana, keep writing some more! :)
Peace out.
-Dinny.
Author's Response: It was so nice to get this review from you, Dinny! I've missed our chats :). Thank you so much for taking the time to review this story. And it makes me so happy that you enjoyed it! I'm glad you liked the characterization, I was especially worried about Snape and Peter as they've always been a struggle to write. And yay for James *and* Lily…I get what you mean, and I'm happy I could portray them as a couple like that. I'm glad you liked the overall concept, as well. Thanks so much, again! xx Ariana
Not Broken by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
It’s Christmas 1998, but Susan Bones doesn’t feel like celebrating. The loss of both her best friend and her favorite aunt have created wounds that might never heal. But with the help from a most unlikely person, she may be able mend what has broken, and gain a little Christmas spirit as well.
This story is for Gen/Sagen for the Gryffindor Christmas Craziness Secret Swap! Have a wonderful Christmas, Gen!
Date: 03/06/11 Title: Chapter 1: Not Broken
Hello, Ariana!
At first, I thought the story would go into these little snippets where a smile and a quote basically changes their relationship. Then I found out it was just a light-hearted, sweet story. Which was good, because then I wouldn’t have to ask for more. . . which is a lie. Please write some more. D:
Susan was such a Hufflepuff – generous and kind. Well, not until a certain Slytherin passed her way, but that doesn’t count since it was just after the war and even a Hufflepuff isn’t that naïve. She was convinced easily though. I mean, she quickly went to befriending from accusing and suspicious. Very unlike the usual I’ve read (code for Gryffindors), and that, my friend, is good. Her qualities are distinguished, clearly distinct from those of the other Houses. Her loss was nicely written, but I felt like it wasn’t enough in the following scenes. It was like she switched to a different world when she went out to buy trees. Or maybe that was the effect you were going for? Anyway, I loved her character – the way she was written, she was endearing, easy to love.
Theodore is a. . . mystery. I can’t honestly say what I think of him. He seems sort of detached at first, then passionate, then. . . I don’t know. . . fun? He seemed fun to be with. The story didn’t give away much about him. You meant the story to be light and gentle, and that was exactly how it went. The story was flowed naturally (I’m basing this on their character), and I loved their search for the perfect tree. I absolutely loved Susan’s admiration for imperfection – it reminded me of myself and my paintings. Theodore’s remarks obviously give off the ‘you’re-adorable’ look. I like how they just went with the flow and took advantage of the chance to be happy, even for a moment. Their kiss made me smile – it was fluffy, I admit, but sometimes I need that. It was a nice read. :)
But since you already started a story with a wonderful base, why not continue? I’m excited to know what else you would have come up with if it weren’t for pressure and limited time. You still have Theodore free in the fields and already have Susan in a cage. Now, you just have to find your bunny! :D This was a fun story; I enjoyed it along with all your stories. I hope you write more of this pairing!
-Dinny
Author's Response: DInny! Thank you so much for your review :). It makes me so happy to hear that you liked the story. I wasn't sure how it would turn out, since Gen's request was the first time I'd ever considered Susan and Theo together. I'm glad you liked Susan's character… about the tree scene: the reason she fell for Theo that quickly and trusted him more easily than another character would have is that a) she likes to see the best in people, and b) he made her forget everything bad that had happened. He took away all that had hurt her and left her with nothing more than Christmas wishes, and that's the main reason she was so attracted to him and changed so much in that scene. I'd like to write them again in the future, but I've been busy and it's not really at the top of my priorities. Hopefully I'll have time this summer :). Thanks again! xx Ariana
Realisation by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: In the midst of the falling snow and and bleak starry night, Hermione ponders Dumbledore's mission, Ron, and her heart. There's something lurking in the back of her mind, and it's high time she faced it.
Date: 03/10/11 Title: Chapter 1: Realization
Hello there, Tina!
This was such a lovely story. I think the cold, rainy weather I’m having right now makes me more emotional so I really felt connected with Hermione. I love how this was written – a girl realizing how it was the other best friend she was in love with all along. Harry was perfectly oblivious and the state he was in was, I think, perfect. “Hermione knew that he had broken his heart to save Ginny, and that watching her dot was his way of making sure that she was okay, that he hadn’t broken his heart, or hers, for nothing. It was his temporary relief for all the hurt.”I completely adore those lines. It was just so very Harry, the quiet lover.
Hermione’s letter was beautiful. It was full of emotion, understanding, and hope. Her sentiments stayed true to her character. All in all, I just loved the whole story. I wished that there were more memories that you went back to, and more instances where it might have led her epiphany to be a bit more profound. It felt like there wasn’t enough for a reader to be convinced (I wasn’t convinced, sadly). But I enjoyed reading this, and I hope you continue to write more. Your writing deserves to shine through the site. You just need more plot bunnies to drive you there. :D Absolutely adored your story, Tina, and you should know that I don’t ship Harmony. I could probably count how many times I tried to read Harmony by my fingers.
Good luck!
-Dinny.
Author's Response: Hey there, Dinny! :)
Thanks for the review, I'm really glad that you think it is a lovely story. I'm really glad that you like those lines, those were actually some of my most favourite in the entire story, as well, I"m glad that you like how they portrayed Harry. I'm also happy that you felt that Hermione's letter was true to her character, as that was one of the hardest things to do.
Believe it or not, I went back and I read Realization again, and I totally get what you mean. There could have been more memories in the story to make it more realistic. While I am very proud of her logic, her memories could have been more developed.
Your last little bit really made my day! I have never been exceptionally proud of my writing, and your words made me feel really great about it, and actually inspired me to work on a one-shot that has been in the works since September. As for the plot bunnies, they are there, but I need the time :P
And I don't ship Harmony either, I hadn't read ANY until I wrote this :P
Thanks so much for your review!
~TinaMaple
Of Weasleys and Malfoys by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Four moments from their life that brought them together. This is Dinny's Christmas present for the 2010 Gryffindor Swap. And this is not what J.K.Rowling has been working on, no.
Date: 12/28/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Okay, my review got cut :'( I'll start again.
Dearest Nat, thanks so much for writing this. I loved it! LOVED. IT. The characters acted as how I would have imagined them to, and the mini-plot flowed really well. This was such a lovely, sweet, and sexy (because Scorpius is sexy, yesss) read. Thoroughly enjoyed it, I did. And I'm not just saying that because it's christmas. Seriously.
Still can't believe this was written for me. Thank you so much :) Definitely one of my favourite christmas presents this year. Expect me to bother you soon about writing more Scorpius/Rose fics :D
*adds to favourites*
Author's Response: Dinny!
Defiance by lucca4
Rated: 6th-7th Years • Summary:
Nearly eighty years have passed since the Battle of Hogwarts, yet Padma Patil cannot banish the string of tragic memories from her mind. A part of her still holds onto them as a way to see the faces of those she has lost once more.
Her memories tell the story of a young woman too afraid to fight against Voldemort’s regime. Throughout her final year at Hogwarts, Padma had been forced to choose between defying the Death Eaters and keeping her loved ones safe. Her decision is one that will ultimately haunt her for the rest of her life.
Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Dark/Angsty Story
I am lucca4 of Gryffindor and this is my final for the Missing Moments class on the MNFF Beta Boards.
** indicates a line taken directly from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pages 659-660
Date: 03/06/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi there, Ariana! I’ve been meaning to leave a review for this story. Now I finally found the time to do it! :D So first of all, the introduction was a very nice opening. A theatrics of sorts, like how a movie opens in Hollywood norm, but I really did not expect Padma to sit through most of her life reliving that fateful May day. It just seems so heartbreaking.
Second, I thought it was simply perfect for you to pick the Patil sisters as your choice of main characters. Having almost the same ethnic background as them (‘almost’ because I’m not entirely sure which “clan” you belong to), it would be easy to channel your own culture to their story. But since I didn’t see much of that cultural side, I guess I could say I was only a tad bit disappointed.
Onto the first scene: It was great how you set up the atmosphere of it; the current thoughts going through Padma’s head and how the latest events affected her. It draws the reader in if not for the opening. The difference between the twins was already clearly seen: Padma being pragmatic Ravenclaw and Parvati being the headstrong Gryffindor. (Side note: Okay, I just remembered the movie doing them injustice. i.e. the twins being both in Gryffindor). Anyway, back to the story, Padma’s stress is. . . palpable. I’m sympathetic for her and I think that’s one of the reasons I found this story engaging. Terry’s visit was interesting – a first look at his character from your point of view. So he’s with the Gryffindors and is trying to convince Padma to join. Not much of depth, but it is only the first scene. The entrance to Hogwarts was heartbreaking, too. I can’t imagine a grown man looking at an 11 year old girl with enough malice that makes one’s neck grow cold. It illustrates the horrible situations of war.
Second scene: Still stressful, I see. It’s hard not to when the Carrows want you to write such an essay. It was a believable topic. I liked the situation in which Padma’s relationship with Mandy is. It keeps the environment of ‘school-and-the-problems-it-brings.’ It was something to balance the war that was going on, and added the reality of being a teenager. I thought the last part – the words she wrote in her essay – was brilliant. “—those who were strong enough to survive without magic.” Most adequate reason I’ve ever read to describe why a certain kind of wizards and witches hate muggles.
Third scene: Oh, that was a nice show of characterization for Padma. It was like backing down from a promise one makes when he was drunk and just utterly careless and free. And her realization of Terry’s small victory was a lovely addition. It was a simple sentence showing her insight about it. It was almost like she was envious of not having that sort of feeling when you win – when you make yourself proud.
So the story goes with more pressure coming from her housemates. About that scene with Terry in the common room, I thought it was a bit strange. I mean, they dated (or perhaps just tried one date?), they broke it off, and reaching that topic was. . . uncomfortable. I didn’t feel like Padma was uncomfortable with it so I guessed she was truly over it. . . or she was just really relaxed. I’m confusing myself. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t get a clear reaction from Padma about what she thought about her conversation with Terry. And that made the interpretation to be rather ambiguous for me. Adding to the suspense, maybe?
When Parvati left Padma with ‘take care,’ I felt goosebumps. I mean, I’d feel terrified if my sister left to hide somewhere in the castle without any understanding of how it was going to be for her. I liked how Parvati’s acts continually revert back to Padma’s – she keeps on berating herself on how she could never be as brave. It showed admiration between sisters.
The stunt with Carrow – a nice description would be: ‘one of Padma’s drunken moments.’ A bold move, that one. Can’t pretend I was impressed and expected it at the same time.
And now to the Battle Scene! Desperation was there, all right, and the thoughts of ‘who would it be’ running through every mind. Parvati’s insistence of going away was heartbreaking (yes, that word again). Even I can sense there was something wrong, and you kept the suspense going. And then I find out Terry’s dead. (At this point, I really want to go caps and say ‘how could you?!’ with never-ending exclamation points) Casualties of war – I hate that.
I really didn’t want to cry. It’s just not my thing, but that resolve broke down when I reached the ending. Her sadness, her ache, it was. . . inspiring. To hope for life to just end to see the people you love, it’s touching but I felt like I wanted to hit her on the head. I mean, no one bothered to even poke her to no end about moving on? Padma hid behind the darkness that she could now only see, and the thought of that with those bittersweet memories lurking in her mind. . . it’s beautiful. Sort of twisted to say, maybe, but emotions are like the splattered colors on a palette, and the right mixtures always move an art admirer to somewhere the painter has been. It was a lovely read, Ariana, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thank you for writing this story, and I hope you get a move on with your marauder fic. :D
Peace out.
-Dinny.
Author's Response: Yay for epically long reviews! Thank you so much for reviewing this, Dinny! :) I'm glad you liked it, overall. I didn't mean for this to turn out to be such a sad story, but it just sort of unfolded that way if you know what I mean. I would have added more cultural-ness, but to be honest I don't feel confident that I would get everything right, and I was just too scared I would mess something up and that would take away from the story. Her conversation with Terry wasn't uncomfortable because underneath their relationship was a really deep friendship…I think it's important for friendship to be the root of many romantic relationships because it seems to give depth to it. Anyway, they were both still comfortable around each other (when Terry wasn't trying to "convert" her :)), because of the underlying friendship. I'm so, so happy you liked it, Dinny! It means so much to me. I've written another chapter of the Marauder fic but I'm trying to write more so I can bank up on them before I post :). xx Ariana PS, thank you for the gorgeously beautiful banner for this story!
Honest to the Bone by minnabird
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Now that Susan has left Hogwarts for good, her mother thinks it’s time that she reconnected with the Muggle relatives whom she has neglected since she started school. Susan decides that her favorite cousin from her childhood, Georgy, is the best place to start.
At first, Susan is nervous and uncertain, but things begin to seem the same as ever, even though it’s been years since the two girls have met up. However, there are still many things that Georgy doesn’t know about Susan’s life.
For once, Susan decides to tell the truth.
Date: 03/07/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hey Minna!
How you wrote Susan’s nervousness, I expected Georgy to be a secret follower of Voldemort. It was that nicely written. Overall, I enjoyed reading the story since I’ve always been interested in ‘I’m-going-to-tell-them-about-magic’ situations, but I’ve got a few crits to say. :D
Characterisation – Susan was there, but I didn’t really felt like she was in there. She was present in the whole story and practically dominated it, but as the plot went to introduce Georgy physically, there was something missing. It seemed like Susan was. . . a bit numb. Not entirely, of course, but there wasn’t enough thoughts from her to describe how she truly felt. I mean, speaking about events you first-handedly experience upfront, it’s hard not to pass through some of those moments when you talk about it. Don’t get me wrong – I liked Susan’s characterization; it was just that at some parts, there wasn’t enough from her.
I loved Georgy and her little quirks and peeves. It made her more realistic. The way she acted was of pure ‘ignorance is bliss.’ Sometimes, I thought how Susan wasn’t jealous of that – but then I remembered Susan was a hardcore Hufflepuff (at least, from what I see in her here). Georgy was a lovely character. I would have loved the story to continue on after she got hot chocolate, just to know more about her life. She’s genuinely charismatic and very polite. Also, I like those remarks pertaining to Susan’s mum. It tells us about Susan’s relationship with her and how the family goes. Too bad Dad wasn’t mentioned.
Susan laughed suddenly. “I missed this,” she confessed. “It’s been – Merlin, how many years since we did this? Three? Four? And it’s the same as ever, somehow.” Georgy narrowed her eyes meaningfully, not to be distracted by Susan’s change of subject, sincere as it had been.
A wee bit nitpick: she used the ‘Merlin!’ phrase, and I just thought how it was a bit weird that Georgy wasn’t suspicious of Susan’s choice of words.
All the time I was reading this, I wondered where you were going with the story. I honestly didn’t know how you were going to end it. But I liked the ending – a bond between cousins, whom you have spent your early lives with, which will last against man’s greatest enemy: time. The easy, comfortable aura between them was familiar – even to me, and not just because Susan felt it. However, I think the story would have been polished if there were more details added. Like more thoughts from Susan about the war, or memories with Georgy from her childhood. Maybe a sentence or two about Susan’s friends.
But like I said, I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for writing this, and goodluck, Minna! :D
-Dinny
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. You're totally right with your crits, Dinny. Characterization - I definitely agree Susan was a bit numb here. I should probably work on that in the future, lol. Georgy was fun to write though - she's one of the few characters I've ever written that just burst into the story fully formed and probably stolen the show. And I think Susa n is a bit jealous of her, but it just sort of underscores the difference between their lives. And I really should mention Susan's dad at some point, lol. Definitely in Weird and Wonderful Facts I will. On "Merlin" - I think I argued with Lauren because I originally used God there and neither of us even thought that with it changed to Merlin Georgy would totally comment. -headdesk- And I seem to be having trouble in my Susan fics with adding all the details I want to. I want to include all the people in her life, but somehow I don't have room or something. I need to work on that, too. I'm glad that for all its faults you enjoyed this in the end, and thanks so much for your comments, Dinny.
Dreams Made of Green by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: He is haunted by the thoughts of green. Written for the Apples and Oranges challenge at Poetry Anyone.
Date: 03/09/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
All I can think of right now is this: how the bloody hell did she pull it off again?
The beat was flawless, the words flowed, the sequencing was beautiful. Hell, the whole thing was beautiful! Personally, I’m not a fan of Draco-centered poetry that involves slash (it’s slash, isn’t it?) but this—this I fully appreciate. The poem had that angry atmosphere that is most certainly Draco-ish, but the anger isn’t like that “I’m-begging-you-to-kill-me-now” kind of angry – more like the frustrated, confused, and wanting kind of anger. Which is what I have imagined Draco would act when he falls in love with someone he didn’t even consider being in that sort of situation with. The poem just screamed ‘Draco’ to me. That’s a feat, I’m telling you since I’m not easily convinced with poetry. Granted, I haven’t read a lot of Draco poems, but out of the four or five(?) I’ve read, this is the first one I ended up liking. Maybe because I liked how the poem not only has pure unadulterated frustration, but of wondering thoughts, a sense of hope and the fear of venturing into unknown boundary. The whole thing had that perfect balance of emotion and fluidity.
So now, it’s pretty obvious how I adore your poems (if you don’t already know that). Another thing I loved was the concept of the poem. A single color dominating his thoughts, overpowering him in the night, and eventually, in the day.
And green hangings,
And green curtains
Are gone.
This was adorable. I think Draco’s determination to rid himself of things that give him reminders is sort of his pet peeve. This stanza illustrated that wonderfully.
Not a night,
It consumes the atmosphere
Again.
This is my second favourite stanza. ‘One day, not a night,’ – you write how it haunted and consumed him in nights where there is nothing else but him and his mind. Simple five words that summarized numerous restless nights and what thought was behind the fault.
He still dreams
Of green,
But never has it?
Just absolute wow. An ending of denial. I honestly don’t know how you think of these beautiful things, words and ideas. You keep surprising me with your endless amount of creativity and imagination, and craftiness. If your mind is a home of these poems, I would really love to visit it. Great poem, Nat, as always. :-)
-Dinny.
Author's Response: This is the first Draco poem you’ve liked?! I hope you didn’t hate my “I Am Shame”. *bites nails* At any rate, I’m super happy I managed to convince you, though. You’re right. This poem is about denial, and I do think Draco would be unable to exactly show his love to somebody who he never expected to fall in love with in the first place. Hence, the “angry atmosphere”, as you call it. I don’t really buy Draco/Harry either, but it was an interesting challenge for me. The things MNFF makes me do. :) You don’t want to visit my mind, trust me. It’s a field of waste with a few pretty flowers thrown in. Thanks for reading and reviewing, Dinny! This review was so beautiful.
Remembering Lily by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: A lonely figure walks down the street, long auburn hair trailing behind her in the blustery wind. She pulls a red wool coat snug around her, gloved hands tucked into pockets as she wanders the sidewalk, glancing up at the shop fronts. She is young, but her face is lined with sadness, as if searching for something she has lost. Her green eyes long for answers.
Across the way a young man stops and stares at the woman in the red coat, hardly daring to believe it might be her. And yet as she turns and walks back up the street, he knows it is, and his heart stops beating for a moment. He blinks, just to see if she will disappear from his life once more, like she did over a year ago.
She doesn't.
Date: 03/09/11 Title: Chapter 1: Part One
The first thing I noticed was your use of present tense. I was a wee bit worried that that might not be the best choice since it creates this kind of awkwardness, but I didn’t feel that awkwardness here at all. The story flowed extremely well with the tense – No kidding but I am really impressed! You pulled it off wonderfully! This is only the second story I enjoyed that had present tense writing. So really, good job. :D The opening was lovely; your descriptions for both Lily and James (in the opening) were. . . harmonious. It clicked—they clicked. Somehow, you managed to create a dramatic, but mellow scene that immediately starts the plot. You couldn’t have started this story better than what you did.
She smiles again, as if used to putting people at ease. "It's okay. I've lost my memory. I was in an accident, and I can't remember the last ten years."
Oooh, broke the ice right there. My first reaction was: ‘oh no, I can’t use that plot bunny anymore.’ And then this: ‘eh, she wrote it so much better anyway.’ It was awesome. In my opinion, I think you’re putting yourself in a lot risk here. I know you write mostly about Lily and James, but this story has a unique situation – Lily isn’t mad at James. So it’s almost like a rainbow that went out as a square or a rectangle. Your characterization of Lily would have to be convincing without her usual reaction to James. And you really did. Convince, I mean (bet you already knew that). She was kind, accepting, and open. Everything she was when she wasn’t being so ignorant of James. I wonder what would happen when she actually remembers their history. Would it draw them apart? And how about when Severus comes into the equation?
James was. . . James. You’ve got his character consistent throughout the whole chapter, but I’m eager to read more about him in the next ones. It would be nice to know how Hogwarts was when Lily left, including the Marauders’ reaction as well. James acted like a love-struck teenager (which he is), but I hope to see more of his ‘cheeky-and-troublemaker’ side. I understand how it would be for him – the girl he liked for years suddenly disappearing, then he abruptly sees her strolling on the streets. Even if this was written in third person, I really felt his emotions and also Lily’s confusion and sadness.
Overall, I loved how you started the story. You’ve got a very nice plot brewing, and I’m excited to read more. :D I hope you update soon!
-Dinny.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much, Dinny! What an amazing review! This just made my day when I got it. I am so glad you enjoyed this story. I really appreciate all your comments, because writing something different is always a bit scary for me, and this was slightly different. Like you said, it is a bit of a risk, and I'm glad it's worked so far. I'm so glad the tense worked, because it just felt so right to write it this way. I do hope you enjoy the next part. It's not a story so much as a series of scenes from their time together, but I'm sort of excited about it. Thanks so much for reading and review this, I really appreciate the amazing review! ~Gina :)
Self Reflections by AshTonks
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The Mirror of Erised hid in Hogwarts castle for many years. So what happens when four famously unruly boys stumble upon it? Does finding out the truth about themselves make them better? Or bitter?
This is a Marauder one-shot adventure.
Date: 04/01/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
The Mara¬¬¬uders discovering the Mirror of Erised. Very interesting idea.
I think that all in all, Sirius had the best characterization. He wasn’t very mushy about his friendship. He was attached greatly to it, but he wasn’t. . . say, girl-y, about it. It was clear on how he viewed his friendship with the rest of the Marauders. They were family to him. He didn’t think of it like how Remus would. He wasn’t very appreciative in his thoughts and actions, but that’s because of his arrogance and something else that is undeniably Sirius. One thing I loved most here was his train of thoughts. How one thing lead to another, and it didn’t shake from his person while doing so. And also, how the Mirror of Erised showed how he loved his friends deeply. Writing how his dreams and hopes weren’t only for himself, but for his friends, too, was beautiful. The sentiment was wonderfully sounded. You also wrote his love for his friends alongside his love for adventures. The danger and the unknown keeps him on his toes, and that is something that is also very Sirius. You didn’t write him to be jealous of any of them (the Marauders), but wrote how pure and beautiful he loves. I think you showed Sirius in one of his best moments.
The one thing I am sure about Remus is that he has a certain weakness with charm. Sirius has this adorable charm to him that makes Remus sort of like his big brother. I don’t mean Remus’s adoration for Sirius in a slash way. There will always be one or so person(s) in our lives that will continue to charm their way into our walls, breaking our resistance and paving a way for themselves into our hearts. You wrote in here how Remus has Sirius to do that for him – breaking his walls. I’ve thought all along that, ultimately, Sirius was the one that finally convinced Remus that being a werewolf doesn’t change anything to any of them. All of those I’ve said because of one tiny detail: Remus agreed to Sirius’s whine about visiting this funny mirror. It’s silly now that I’ve thought of it. . . but I felt like I needed to emphasize how you wrote their relationship well with a few casual reactions. Anyway, about what Remus saw in the mirror, I thought that that was the way you were going to go. It was pretty obvious in the series how he despised himself because of his “affliction.” But I do wonder on why the rest of the Marauders were there when all the writing symbolized was his wish to be a normal human being, because, as you’ve already said, the Mirror shows one’s deepest desires. What were the rest of the Marauders doing in the vision? Were they only there to show how Remus would look like if he wasn’t a werewolf? Or was there more to it than what I’ve gathered?
James’s desire was. . . overwhelming. To be honest, it was bit on the ‘overkill’ side. Up till now, I’m still not so sure on whether his love for Lily on that age was exaggerated or not. I think it’s in between those lines. But then again, Harry never knew how much he wanted a family until he saw it with his own eyes. So perhaps we can assume that the Mirror knows more things than what our minds do, which some of us can certainly say the same with our hearts. The one thing I was surprised with was the line: “felt a renewed urge to talk to her. Not flirt or hit on her, but to actually talk to her. What did she really like? What did she dislike? He wanted to know more about her.” Could James really fall in love so deeply with her when he didn’t even know what Lily really liked? Besides this confusing part (in my opinion), I loved his characterization as well. He was carefree in a way that sets him apart from Sirius. Sirius was more like careless, I think, while James was carefree. He’s sweet, happy, and very hopeful.
How you wrote Peter was amazing. It just struck the core and came up excellently. The jealousy, self-loathing, insecurity and the admonishing – it was the root of his betrayal. I absolutely loved how his conscience kept scolding him about his friends. How they never gave up on him and always helped him. I can see that he did love his friends. . . to an extent that isn’t as great as the others did. I can truly see that it was himself was that was keep him back. He was very much his greatest enemy. The constant bantering in his mind was albeit heartbreaking. It reminded me of some friends that have had the same problems, and I thought all the details consisting this problem were very pronounced. I feel sorry for Peter.
All in all, the story was insightful, not to mention, beautifully written. You did a brilliant job. Thanks for writing this. :-)
-Dinny
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much! You noticed all the little details that I think about and add in. It's like you read what was going through my mind as I was writing! Ha ha. I am so glad you liked it.
As to Remus seeing the Marauders, while his DEEPEST desire is to be rid of his lycanthropy, I've always felt that Remus had a deep-seated desire to be liked and to have people who cared about him. I felt like that would at least be a part of what he saw. The Remus-Sirius relationship (NON_SLASH WAY) was very much part of that. He gives in to Sirius' playful banter because he knows Sirius cares about him and he can't brig himself to disappoint him. :)
As far as James, I do think that the Mirror knows us better than we know ourselves. It was possibly a bit over-done, though. I think that with as much as Lily disliked him, James really wasn't ABLE to get to know the little details about her in their early school years. At least not those little things that only your best friends really know. You know? Maybe I went a bit over-board, ha ha.
I'm SO glad you enjoyed Sirius and Peter. Thank you bunches for your review!
Draco Malfoy's Years at Hogwarts by TheSilverEagle
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is a poem I wrote about Draco's years at Hogwarts. The poem starts off more light-hearted, as do the books, and as the plot thickens and the books get more serious, I tried to make the poem mirror that as well. Reviews are encouraged!
Date: 04/01/11 Title: Chapter 1: Draco Malfoy Poem
Hi there!
I got the concept of the poem, but I felt like the emotions weren’t fully developed with the flow of words. I do know how he felt throughout the years, but the emotion wasn’t really there. There were traces of it that I thought in a few moments, it would go full blast, but then it just withers into the air. I liked how the poem began and where it led, and I liked how the transitions went. It started with mere school rivalries, then Voldemort’s return as a turn point was a good move. The final scene as Draco’s mission at the Astronomy tower was a good end. I especially liked the ending verse: this war we’ve started
Has only just begun.
Can’t you see my hands are shaking?
This is an excellent example of an emotionally-stricken verse. It was subtle, not too forward and loud. It was a situation in which readers can relate to – an important trait in a poem. I think that was my favourite part in the whole poem. I can see what it would be like, I can feel the nervousness, and it makes me want to lend my unbroken heart to him. The thing is, the sudden change in narration was too abrupt, in my opinion. It disrupted the flow, and did not contribute a sense of intensity. I think there should have been a stanza that made a transition capable of changing narrative view with elegance. Yours was good, but can definitely make some improvement. That’s not to say it was rubbish. As I’ve said already, it was good. There were just some missing components.
Another thing is that I think you’ve forgotten Ron. You mentioned Harry and Hermione, but not Ron. Was that deliberate? Is there a hidden reason behind it? There were also some lines that were off – a sort of intruder in a verse. But all in all, the idea was very good. The concept, capable of understanding. There was a definite flow, I’m sure, but just a few additional words here and there would have been good, too. Thanks for writing this poem. :)
-Dinny.
The Bride's Ballad by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Three brides rise with the sun on their special day, all with different perspectives and feelings about their big day
Date: 05/01/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
That was beautiful. The flow was mesmerizing, as with the brides’ thoughts.
To be honest, I thought all of the stanzas were of only one perspective, but as I read your ending note, it’s apparently from three different brides. For some unknown reason, I rather liked it not knowing and not guessing. The simplicity of it being anonymous makes it more beautiful for me. But since you made it out to be a challenge, I read it again and again, trying to find out who those three brides are.
The first stanza: I’m thinking Astoria. I don’t know anyone else who is of the same generation as of the Trio who can afford that much and dread her wedding day. Perhaps it’s just my stereotyping of purebloods wedding not for love. I loved the first stanza the best. I thought it was absolutely amazing how you worded the first four lines. I’m thinking of more good adjectives and clever similes to describe how I found it utterly beautiful, but I can’t think of proper ones that would adequately justify what I feel right now. It’s my vocabulary – not very much updated. I think the reason why I’m in love with those lines is because it had that old, vintage feel like those poets from way back (like Yeats, Shakespeare, or Browning). It was tricky, graceful, and clever.
The second stanza: I’m confident that it’s Ginny. Homemade gown—not enough money then, or just big on sentimentality (which is famous around close-knitted families). Couldn’t be Molly since I can’t think of any ‘obstacles that never cease’ that is strong enough to fit into that description. So it must be Ginny. Her relationship with Harry has been mostly covered with obstacles. She was hindered by her own shyness, then Cho Chang, then the war itself. I loved the whole stanza, but not as much as I do for the first one. Ginny’s current state, not just being a bride, was clearly said. It was like it wasn’t only Harry and her, but her and everything that’s been her. Brilliant words again, beautiful flow.
The third stanza: Hermione, of course! I mean if the part about the family trees relating to blood wasn’t obvious enough, I don’t know what is. Again, it was beautiful how you summed her wedding day up as something an achievement from all the trials and tribulations. It was like Ginny’s but more profound.
I loved everything. I think that’s the best thing to say. Unfortunately, I’ll have to cut this short since my mom is calling me up for bed time. I’ll continue this to AIM, if ever I’ll catch you. Thanks for writing this, Jess. It was beautiful (if you didn’t catch that already).
-Dinny.
Author's Response:
Oh, Dinny, how I have so failed you.
I read this review on my phone during a break at work, telling myself to respond when I got home. Guess what I forgot to do... *facepalm*
First off, idiocy disclaimer aside, I would like to smother you with adulation for your lovely review. Your tone was great, and def spew quality. It's really difficult to review something like poetry, and I think you did really well in that regard.
To be perfectly honest, your guesses for which bride was which weren't quite what I'd had in mind, but your idea actually makes more sense. For my intended brides, I had Narcissa, Molly, and Ginny planned as the brides before I started writing. I still believe that Narcissa is the correct choice because in my mind, she entered into a politically aligned marriage and ended up growing to love her husband after the fact. Of course, being a veritable princess fo the House of Black, she would have the best wedding gown that Galleons could buy.
For the second bride, I really intended Molly, since because Ginny married Harry, who had both a job and a fair sum of gold in Gringotts already, could have afforded to provide his bride to be with a nice dress. Getting her to take any sort of money from him would've been a different matter, hehe. Molly, on the other hand, married a relatively poor guy, and since nothing is really known about her premarital finances, we can assume that she was of like stock. The struggles in their relationship were because of the rapidly declining political climate and the rise of the Death Eaters' ranks. Social upheaval always does put a hamper on trying to get married. :/
The third bride was supposed to be Ginny, but looking back, I don't know what I was thinking, save for the reference to blood status meaning all of the Voldy business in general. Hermione, on the other hand, would have a far more valid reason to make such an observation. I'm glad you mentioned her as a guess, because her plugged into the scenario is just about perfect.
Thank you for your review very much, and sorry three times over for the late, late, late response. I hate being *that* author who doesn't bother to interact with reviewers.
*hearts*
~Jess
For Them by hogwartsbookworm
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Coming home late from an Auror assignment, Ron faces a conversation he didn't expect... at least, not for a few more years.
Just a fun little one-shot, dedicated to Lori (WeasleyMom), the Queen of all things Romione.
Date: 04/29/11 Title: Chapter 1: Romione
I feel so nostalgic right now. This is my first Romione in five months, I think, so the workings of their relationship made me miss them and the series itself. Le sigh. It felt nice coming back to their dynamics, and the way you wrote them was spot-on.
When I read the summary, I originally thought the topic you were referring was The Question. You know, the asking for Hermione’s hand in marriage. I don’t know why, but I seem to have spotted a few of those in the Recent Lists for a while. Anyway, it was nice to see that this was written in a time that not a lot of people write about (as far as I read Trio-Centric fics) which was when Rose was just a baby, and Hugo was beginning to form inside Hermione’s womb. The whole story was of the utmost normalcy of Ron and Hermione’s character; it was a very lovely read. You made me miss them. And now I want to read the series all over again, but I can’t because I told myself I wouldn’t open the books until two or three years pass after the DH2. I guess I’ll have to resort to R/H fan fiction (which is a first – I was never interested much in that pairing). So you’ve now semi-converted me to one of JKR’s One True Pairing. :D
Ron was brilliant here. You wrote him with the humor and cluelessness and gentleness he always had. He was adorable, especially with the thoughts of going up the stairs to sleep on the bed, and thinking of how it would be if he had a son. He somehow has this childish optimism and excitement about Hermione’s second pregnancy, and it was endearing. Not to mention the part when he easily conceded with his wife’s opinion of quitting the Auror Department and go to work with George instead. It shows how much he loves his family: that he loved them more than he ever could for his dream job (assuming it was being an Auror, not a Quidditch player). Also, when he was thinking of teaching his little boy to fly in a broom and help with female-relating problems was really cute. It made me go ‘aw.’ Yep, I guess you turned me into a big softie, too.
Hermione was also brilliant. Her inquisitive mind and continual wonderings of ‘what ifs’ is so much like her. After all, throughout the series, she was always the one trying to make the boys come to their senses and stay out of trouble. I’ve always thought that she is a romantic, and definitely not afraid to show it (I mean, kissing in the middle of a war – yeah, that’s definitely Hollywood). Her affection and constant worry for Ron just made it so. But then again, that could pass for the hormones working and her status of a mother of two. No, wait, usually a pregnant woman or one always left home with her first child gets pissed off with the husband right? So I can tactfully deduce that it’s because of her, er, great and admirable love for her husband that she wasn’t so with Ron.
Well, it made sense to me. :P Anyway, I loved the whole one-shot. Very, very lovely story and writing. Cheers!
-Dinny.
Author's Response: Diiiinnnnnnyyyy! <3 This is probably the longest review I've ever received! Thank you so much! You just totally made my night! I was kind of... depressed-ish... and now I'm smiling! So, thank you very much. XD
I agree, The Question does get done quite a lot. I wanted to do something they would've gone through, but something that I hadn't seen done by other people. I'm glad you liked it and it made sense to you.