Interesting. Quite a clever look at Rita's background. I especially loved the picture of her rushing through the crowded streets of London; she was so naive, so innocent...

I have never liked Gilderoy Lockhart and he keeps his odious manner in this story very well. Marvelous job!

I don't think I found any mistakes (maybe a touch of grammar here and there) but nothing that I can recall at the moment. I'm miserably tired, hee! :)

Well-written chapter!
~Julia~

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\'m so glad you liked this chapter. And isn\'t Gilderoy just so fun to hate? :D

Oh, that was lovely. So forlorn and hopeful at the same time! I really felt for poor Susan.

Your writing was marvelous--the emotions were brought across the page VERY well. Well done!

~Julia~

P.S. No grammar mistakes! :) Always a pleasure to read edited fics! Hee!

Author's Response: No grammar mistakes? I think that\'s one of the best things you could have told me. ;) Thanks for your review, I\'m really glad you liked it.

Oh, wow. How powerful. I don't understand the ending at all ... well, that's not true. I'm assuming that the Ministry came back to pick up Senan as well. :-( That's so very sad.

This reminded me of stories one hears of World War II. The missing family members, the Gestapo, everything... so very sad. I could almost imagine that the Death Eaters were to be taken to a concentration camp. Execution should seem just, but looking at this from Senan's (objective) point of view, I cannot view it as such. It seems like murder and the Ministry seems like Hitler.

The imagery was beautiful and the description of Ireland's wild beaches contributed to the feeling of gloom and doom instigated by the use of "grey" mood words: "grey water," "white horses," "drizzle," "grey clouds." All in all, a marvelous job with that. :-)

I also felt strangely attracted to Senan. I was devastated at the end when he was so frightened and worried about his family and especially his sister. He obviously loved her, and, at one time, might have been very close to her ... but for Malfoy. Great job on tying canon elements and characters into this as well.


Author's Response: Again, the confusing ending! Apparently, it badly needs to be rewritten. It\'s supposed to reflect Senan\'s own confusion and ignorance of what is going on, but I suppose it\'s a bit much.


I actually got a lot of inspiration from WWII for this story and for the upcoming sequel. Also, the reason I chose Senan to write about is because he would have such a different outlook on the war. Most characters are passionately on one side on the other, but Senan feels it isn\'t his concern. His only worry is for his parents. His connection with Draco is particularly important in my other story, Let A Serpent Sting Thee Twice, although he hasn\'t made an appearance there just yet.



Thank you so much for your wonderful review!

Ooh, he's cruel...even to those who follow him the closest. Poor Bellatrix; she really needs to find someone who will appreciate her.
So, I'm assuming this is the first "meeting" of the Death Eaters? Or, rather, the time that Voldemort and Bellatrix recruit them? So this means that...wow, the whole gang is here! Lucius, Peter, Crabbe and Goyle, Rookwood; what about Bellatrix' husband? Is he here, too?
Overall, very effective. And it ties in well with what Bellatrix screams at the Ministry in the fifth book; when they take she, her husband, Barty Crouch Jr., and one other to Azkaban.
She says that she was the Dark Lord's most faithful/loyal Death Eater. I like how you've tied into that, :).
Bellatrix is portrayed very well here, too. She is insanely loyal...almost to the point of obsession. Kudos to you!

First of all, I love the idea for your story! It’s slightly vague, but that just adds to its charm. Halle sounds like a direct descendent of Ginny; the eyes? :)

I truly enjoyed reading about Miles; his character was so poetic—a model gentleman if ever I’ve “heard” of one. What a pity it is that more of those gentlemen don’t exist today!

As I said, beautiful story, however I think that you and your beta might want to go over the story once more. There were only a few minor mistakes I noticed and they do not, in any way, detract from the overall, quaint appeal of your story … but, I thought I’d point them out anyway. :)

*Ahem!*

In the first sentence, ‘specs’ are a synonym for ‘spectacles.’ The proper word to use would be ‘specks.’ There really shouldn’t have been a comma after the word ‘specs,’ either because you’re saying ‘dust specks and gnats.’ The sentence is not: ‘A brilliant sun shone across the water and gnats,’ which is how it reads with the phrase ‘illuminating dust specks’ in there. Hee! Just saying…

I loved the sentence, ‘Halle liked fuzzy.’ It was immensely effective due to its short length. I adore those short, choppy sentences. Well done!

This sentence: ‘The ripples fanned out into the deepest corners of the lake, and Halle watched them tide against the bank somberly with her chocolate brown eyes.’

I couldn’t quite understand whether it was the ripples tiding against the bank somberly, or whether her eyes were somber. If it is her eyes, the word ‘somberly’ should be offset with commas.

Oh! Onomatopoeia! Made me very happy, :) ‘Plop, plop, plop.’

Miles has a very forthright manner and this makes him quite an original character. I like him. Good job!

I hate to tell you, love, because it’s such a fun term, but ‘sorriness’ isn’t an actual word. Of course, you could have been using this word for effect, but just informing you...

Miles’s logic about “love” is truly priceless. I loved it: ‘Miles nodded and then resumed a serious face as Halle grimaced. He toyed the idea with himself for a moment, then said, ‘How about we say… we’re not lovers—’ Halle shook her head ‘—We’re not in love—’ Halle shook her head uncertainly ‘—But we love one another, and care deeply about each other. How’s that? Does that make you feel better?’’ ________________________________________
Just one itty-bitty bit of con. crit. here: Halle smiled into her waffles. ‘He wanted to talk to me, is that right, I’m not telling, and yes, he did end up finding me. In the order you asked your questions.’

I didn’t understand why she said ‘is that right’ in the middle of her sentence. Maybe I’m not reading it carefully enough, but it didn’t make sense.

Oh, and Cheerios is a brand-name so it would be capitalized.
________________________________________
The next scene was really lovely. Miles is such an original character! (Just like I said earlier…) He is truly captivating; lucky Halle. And just one bit of crit.

‘He focused in on Halle’s eyes as they drew closer, and her felt her warm breath on his mouth. He smiled.’

I wasn’t quite sure why it said ‘and her felt her warm breath on his mouth.’

Should that be: ‘and HE felt her warm breath on his mouth.’ ?
________________________________________I truly loved your story and you have quite a gift for background and setting. I pictured the hot, steamy room and the lazy quiet of the lake perfectly. Please do not feel as though I was completely negative; I didn’t mean to offend you if I did so. Marvelous job overall, :).

And, as a parting compliment … this entire segment was enchanting. Absolutely enchanting.

‘As the exited into the sunshine, Miles stopped Halle on the sandstone steps. ‘You’re glowing,’ she said softly.

Halle put a hand self-consciously to her cheek. ‘I am?’ she said uncertainly.

‘Yes, you are,’ Miles said, regarding her seriously. ‘Lovers alone wear sunlight.’

~Celestial Melody~


Author's Response: oh, JULIA! *squees* words cna not explain how happy i am to review this review. I love you, fellow Turnip dear! You hit everything spot on, thank you so much! I\'ll go and edit them now! Look at all those typos! I\'m so happy!

As for Miles, I may or may not be in love with my own character. He\'s magnificent, and I don\'t hesitate in saying I made him awesome for a reason =D. Halle is indeed a lucky girl. ♥

Ooh, very nice, :).
I like how you've brought Harry's adult character through the writing. His lack of interest in life now that Voldemort has been vanquished is brought out very well. :)
And the names of the children are absolutely perfect! Just what I thought they should be!
Well done! and I can't wait to read more!
~Julia~

Author's Response: Thank you! It took me ages to get the character through without it sounding like he was moaning too much! I\'m glad you enjoyed it!

Poor Blaise! I feel so sorry for him. He reminded me of the Von Trapp family children in "The Sound of Music."
I especially love the part where he thinks that his favorite stepfather, Alfie, died of a broken heart. That's so innocent!
The hat was cruel! More so than it has been on past occasions; but, again, the hat is the omnipotent one. Always and forever.
I truly enjoyed this story!
Marvelous look at a seldom seen character. Well done!
~Julia~

Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m glad you enjoyed it so much. If you want more Blaise, I\'d recommend reading Beyond Words another one of my fics that has a pathetic number of reviews.

Hmm... I like it! :) I really do... I wasn't too sure if I would, but ... the concept is much better than so many other Lily/Marauder stories out there.
You've created personalities for Lily's friends and Sirius isn't a playboy (hee!) so... Well done!
~Julia~

Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m glad I won you over, lol I appreciate every single person who reads this! Squee! Thank you!

(continued from previous *malfunctioning* review)
...well,

Author's Response: *continued from previous fully-functioning reply* ...so,

This is a very indepth look into the background of Egypt's culture/mythology. There really was a greater emphasis on mythology and actual ... nomenclature (?) of the gods and godesses in the OWL level, however, it was really great to have all this background in the NEWT chapter.

It really surprised me, however, that Isis was not mentioned more often. She has always seemed like the mother of Egypt to me, but, apparently, wasn't as ground-shaking as I thought.

I didn't know, offhand, that females were allowed to be priests--or, in this case, 'priestesses'--although I did know that in the Syrian (? I'm not sure... It existed along with the Hebrew culture) that females did indeed participate in temple functions. Though, of course, I really should have realized that the Egyptians allowed females to perform priestly duties because 1.) They allowed women to become pharoahs (AKA Hatshepsut) and 2.) Even the Greek culture with a greater emphasis on male virtues allowed women to become priestesses.

All in all, I really enjoyed the look at the background of Egyptian mythology almost as much as I enjoy the obvious freedom we're going to have with the story. Professor Martreb, you've certainly left the arena wide open for us to explore. There is a great deal of self-study in this class and I like that.

As for the OWL chapter, I liked it although, as I said before, the emphasis seemed to be on lesser deities instead of those like Isis who made up a great part of the daily Egyptian worship. Isis seemed to me to be the mother of all Egypt (I reiterate what I said earlier) and as such would have had influence on the Nile, crops, etc. She was the mother, a very Fertile mother.

However, this was indeed a comprehensive look into the basics of ancient Egyptian mythology.

~Julia~

Author's Response:
I think that with this lesson, and with most lessons, what I\'m trying to do is expose you to some of the lesser known aspects of a given culture. You already know about Isis, why do I need to repeat it? Also (generally speaking) there\'s so MUCH about her (or any of the other major deities I mentioned in passing) that it would have been nearly impossible to get it all in. So I didn\'t try. Apologies. I do feel that those who care will seek out the knowledge themselves and those who don\'t....Well, let\'s be honest. I\'m not straining myself for those.