Hey Ayra,

This is a good story. I do admire writers who can write with total conviction using OCs. I can't seem to do that at all. I like Renee and Edward very much. I'm definitely going to read the rest of this when it gets validated.

I do have some nitpicks. *sorry being Scrooge*

Some of your language is quite American. I know Renee is American, so that's fine but I don't think Edward would refer to the holiday as 'break'. “My mum says that you can come over break. If you want,” he added, looking hopeful.

He'd be more likely to say "come over the Christmas holiday." Sorry, that's very minor - it's the Brit in me.

The other nitpick is that you've got the characters 'rolling their eyes' quite a bit. Be careful, because if a phrase is overused, it loses its impact. It hasn't yet but I would try not to use it too much. There's a certain character in the banned book *grins* that is continually rolling his eyes and after a while it detracts from the story.

I did enjoy this and am looking forward to the Yule Ball. Carole xxx

Author's Response: Hey Carole.
Thanks for the advice on Brit-speak. I appreciate it, as I'm not British myself. And I don't think that I've got everyone rolling their eyes quite as much in the next two chapters :]
Thanks for the review! *hugs*
-Ayra

OH! OH! OH! I get to marry James SIRIUS Potter! YES!

Seriously, Bine, this is a lovely story. I was reading it and smiling all the way through and then you snuck in a mention of the Dursleys and I started to feel all sad. I adored your house-elf and these lines stuck out particularly.

I turned around, facing the small creature. Her big pale eyes reminded me of Kreacher, but her dressing style was very similar to Dobby’s; right now, she was wearing an old skirt of Lily’s, its colour not at all matching the bright green shirt she was dressed in and which had been a Christmas present to her from Ginny years back already. She loved the cloth to pieces and cared for it with a dedication that was only surpassed by the love and care she had shown towards our children.

Weeny nit-pick (and I feel very scrooge-like for saying this)
br> ‘The Healer forbid travelling at all if her condition doesn’t change.’ I think that should be forbade.

This is a great Christmas present but I do hope my feckless husband saves some of that Pinot Noir for me!

*squishychristmassyhuggles*

Carole xxx

Author's Response: *gigglesnortygiggle* I'm glad you like it. :) And no, it's not scrooge-like for you to nitpick. Thank you for the lovely review. Merry Christmas.

Wow! What a story, MorganRay. I'm glad I picked this up in the review circle. I'm a huge Remus/Tonks fan and this is a totally new take on them - well not so much them but Tonks' relationship with her mum is wonderful.

‘I don’t think of you as damaged. You’re more than your curse,’ Tonks hollered, and then, Remus grabbed her by the arm and drug her behind the Burrow’s shed so they couldn’t be seen. Tonks scowled and said, ‘Are you afraid I’ll make a scene?’

These lines, for me, just encapsulate Tonks and Remus so brilliantly. Fabulous!

I liked Bjorn, he was intriguing. I must look out for him

Okay I do have some nit-picks. basically, there'sd a few Amercanisms that I noticed. 'Mom' for 'Mum' 'asses' for 'arses' and 'panty hose'. We don't have panty hose in Britain - we say tights. However that's all really, really mionr and I'm only saying it because I'm being a pedantic English Chick!

Great story and your characterisation of Tonks was spot on! Carole xxx

Author's Response: Yeah, my British isn't quite up to par, I know. I can't believe I let 'mom' slip through. I guess I tried to really encapsulate the relationship in the last scene where they play in the rain. My whole idea is that Remus runs away from that moment while Tonks embraces it. Also, Bjorn appears in Winter's Last Chill, and I kind of brought him back in because he was the perfect OC for that moment. Thanks!

Ahhh, I love this story. I'm so glad all the ghosts got a chance to see their family and friends. Your Albus is brilliant. So perfectly wise and I love the line that Fred is happy to have his friendship. He seems to have accepted his death now.

Hmm, nitpick - I bet you're waiting for this one. Nymphadora!. I think Ghost!Tonks would have given him hell for that. Also I wondered why Ginny was playing Seeker, when I thought she liked being Chaser. (Did I miss something in an earlier chapter?)

Lovely to see Sirius misbehaving - ah, what a man!

Now, if my theory about Peeves getting worse depending on the mischief-makers who inhabit Hogwarts at the time, I can't imagine the chaos if Gred and Forge had been there with the Marauders.

Lovely story, Terri. I will keep this in my favourites file.

I like this story. I like it a lot. You have managed to convey so much longing from both of them. It had me, the reader, urging them to kiss far sooner than they actually did. You held the tension and interest superbly.

I like Daniel, too. He seems fun. I guess I should scoot over and read the other story in the hope he's in that. I like the interplay between him and Scorpius.

I do have a small nit pick, and it's purely a personal one.
‘You’ve got to understand how confronting it is for me,' . I'm not sure about the word 'confronting'. It doesn't seem to make sense but then I do understand what you're saying; I just don't think 'confronting' is an adjective. 'Confrontational' perhaps?

Great one-shot and you should definately write more of this. They're a nicely totured pair and the Ron/Draco dynamic will be amazing in your hands.

Carole xxx

Author's Response: Aw thanks, Carole. Unfortunately, I didn't think of Daniel until this one shot. I would have liked to have had him in Reluctant Love, but oh well. You have a point about 'confronting'. I'll have a think about it. :) You're right, it would be good to involve Ron and Draco somewhere along the line. Thanks for the review! ~ Cassie

This is an extraordinary story. I think everyone that reads the Harry Potter books feels like Ellie. We all long to do magic too (How many of you out there waited for your Hogwarts letter?), but for us poor Muggles it will never happen.

You know something, it really made me feel sorry for poor old Petunia having Lily as a sister.

I adored this line:

She has long, pin-straight, midnight-black hair, which shines and shimmers constantly with never a hair out of place. At Christmas time, when we were younger, she used to make fairy lights appear in her hair, using her magic. It sounds cheesy, but it truly made her hair look like a dark night sky, with the stars shining clearly, lighting up the world. Oh, I'd love to have hair like that. You've managed to give Marie, Mary-Sue type looks but in a totally non-Mary-Sue way. We don't see much of Marie, but we don't like her much.

Well I've been trying to find nit picks but I can't. This is a lovely tale.

Congratulations on your first validation; the first of many, I'm sure.

Carole

Author's Response: Haha, you know, my cousin used to read Harry Potter. And when he turned eleven, I sent him a letter that he had got into Hogwarts. But he saw right through it :( I used the wrong colour ink.. [sighs]

You know, I must say, I've always felt extreemly sorry for Petunia. It isn't any wonder she ened up the way she did.

Thank you :) I was pretty proud of my discription in this story, actually. So I think that was my favourite part too :).

Thank you :) -Lex

This is intriguing. I like the characterisation of the twins. Everything seems to be very correct, very perfect, in their world. But you can already see signs that Melody isn't quite so correct. She's not content to let her sister write the letter; she has to disturb her.

I'm a bit...err...iffy on the choice of house elf name, simply because Sambo has some racist connotations from the 30's, but I'm sure you weren't aware of them at the time (especially when we discussed the name - eeek).

One other nit-pick, (although it actually fits with the story so might not be an error)

hair prefect, blank expression.

Do you mean 'perfect'. It's funny because 'prefect' fits in a Percy Weasley type of way.

All in all, I think this is a great beginning. Your description of the room is lovely and the two girls are beautifully set up for any future tension.

After all, it would not do to disrespect the Master of the house. That line sent shivers through me. Carole xxx

Author's Response: Haha, thank you, Carole. I love your reveiws.

Uh, I don't really want to change the name of the elf, simply because I have none other. But I honestly had no idea [blushes]. Oh dear. Sorry.

Yes, lol, that was an error. I have no idea what prefect hair would be. Haha.

Thank you :) -Lex

What a fantastic story. I love the way you've incorporated the Greek myth in it. And Lily's line: Maybe Artemis didn’t mean to be so cruel… is a masterstroke. Mary is portrayed well, although it's a small part, I felt a good connection to her, as someone that Lily would have trusted. I thought Sirius nicking all the bacon was very funny - I do hope she got her own back.

I have a few minor - eeeny weeny nitpics. Firstly, it should be Defence not Defense because they're at school in Britain and secondly, Mary's surname is actually Macdonald without the capital D. Really, really nitpicky of me to mention it, in what was otherwise a wonderful story and a great read. I hope to see a lot more.

Carole xxx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review!! I'm glad you enjoyed my portrayal of Mary and Sirius - this is the first fic I've written with canon characters, so it was a challenge to keep them from getting OOC. I'll go fix Mary's surname right now. As for changing 'defense' to 'defence,' I'm still internally debating it, because J.K. actually spells it the American way in the American versions (which are the ones I've always read). Anyway, I feel kind of fake when I use British spellings in my writing, since I'm American. But I haven't decided yet; I may very well change my mind tomorrow. Thanks again for taking the time to read and review!

"Ahh, you see, I can be a nice sensitive bloke at times. I wasn't nicking her bag, as you so accurately guessed and no ... I wasn't about to gill it with newts eyes or any of that stuff that padfoot was thinking."

"Oy! Prongs. Leave me out of this. I didn't dare suggest such a thing. Nice snog you got there from the lovely Lily. Shame she hadn't brushed her hair or anything, but , well, I don't suppose you were bothered by that.

"Bothered, course not. It's not every day that the girl you've been pining for launches herself at you in such an unexpected way and then snogs the life out of you ... and all this before breakfast."

"Or beakfast, as Afifa wrote which might be something completely different."

"Moony, you are such a kill-joy. Leave the nitpicks back in the trunk where they belong."

"All right, Padfoot, keep your long hair on. I was just pointing out ..."

"Well don't. It was a wonderful story, and the way Afifa wrote about my dream was beautiful. I'd wuite forgotten that. Ahh, I used to wonder who my handsome prince was."

"Didn't you honestly know it was me?"

"Hmm, well for a long time I rather hoped it was David Cassidy... but ... I suppose you'll do, Potter."

Guys, will you get out of here, and take that cheese-eating traitor with you. Afifa, my dear, that was a great story. I LOVE that Lily took control and kissed him, and James was very IC - totally surprised by her sudden volte-face. Loved it! Technically, the description in the dream was great. I really felt as if I were in a magical world. Well Done ~Carole~

Author's Response: Hahaha. XD Have I mentioned to you, Carole, how much I love you? Lol. Well, now I am, ily. :D

You know I had to look up the Cassidy guy. >.> He's good looking... maybe. I guess he must have been considered hot in the olden times. What's it, 60 years? lol. You've done your research though. I'm impressed. :D



I'm glad you liked the one shot, hon! :D And thank you for pointing out the typo. And for the comments and the lovely review! :D



- Afifa

Hi there,

This is an interesting and fun story for the Valentine's challenge. I really like the pairing of Lily and Regulus - that's novel. Lucius and Petunia made me laugh - especially when she calls him pookie. (LOL)

I do have some nit picks. First, Molly Prewett was Molly Weasley - she had Bill in 1970 and Lily's second year begins September 1972 (this is me being a canon nut!). Secondly, Alice wouldn't have been Alice Longbottom because that's her married name. Thirdly, Bellatrix wasn't at school the same time as Lily - she was ten years older. Sorry these are all very minor canon things and they don't, by any means, ruin what is essentially a funny story.

Regulus fixed his eyes on Lily, those unforgettable grays, and a faint blush tinged his cheeks. I love this line so much. Regulus comes across as such a well rounded character and Lily seems very interested in him.

My favourite bits are the dialogue between Petunai and Lucius. So OOC, but just how they'd be like if hit by arrows.

Carole xxx

Author's Response: Thank you very, very much for my first review. I shall go back and fix some of the canon mistakes (I can't believe I named Alice with her married name...). I really appreciate the feedback and will fix what I can (though I don't know if I can work Bellatrix out of the story).