Natalie,

I must say, I really did enjoy this story – as dark as it may be. I remember really enjoying this when it was in its infant drabble form during the brawl. Mrs. Zabini is an extremely interesting character, and the way you’ve characterized her makes her even more shrouded in mystery. I feel like the true feat of this story, however, is the way you’ve made her into a more dimensional character by giving her a trauma behind her actions. This was perhaps the crux of the story, as it showed the reason this young, lonely girl suddenly turned so violent.

The narration of this story was well-written. It was different, not as telling as a confessing tone yet more personal than a simple first-person narrative. I felt like this was really established in this line: You may think what you wish; I cannot stop you from drawing your own conclusions. Here, as the reader I was able to get the sense that Mrs. Zabini wasn’t going to be telling the entire story, that it would be left up to the reader to string together the insinuations. I thought the line after the one above was a little redundant, in that it didn’t add any new information, making it the slightest bit confusing. However I don’t feel like this detracted from the story and pointing it out is a little harsh, so I won’t dwell on that. The tone and style you have developed from the chosen narration was effective in that it flowed like a conversation, yet was silent about just enough to keep the reader intrigued. When writing a story, I sometimes feel that the style of narration just happens and isn’t necessarily chosen, and that’s what it seemed like here – this narration is just so fitting for Mrs. Zabini. The uniqueness was there but not overbearing, subtly folded in the mysterious story of Sesen Zabini.

What a character you have filled out! In the beginning, she sounds calculating and teasing, as though she has no regrets over killing her husbands – that is, if she did kill them – and wants to keep the readers guessing. At first she is simply lonely, telling the audience just enough to keep them interested in her and only her for the duration of the story. Then, as though she’s striving for some sort of deeper connection with someone – anyone – she tells the story of Demeke. Through your writing in that section, we learn so much more about Sesen than she probably wants us to know. She was unloved, or loved less so than her sisters. It’s suggested that her parents didn’t have a happy marriage through the mention of her half-brothers; perhaps, she never expected that any marriage could be happy and therefore has no qualms over the murder of her husbands because she expects their brief happiness won’t last anyway. Briefly, you give the reader so many hints as to the troubled girl she must have been, before building up to the event that pushed her over the edge and eventually caused her to be the person she is at the time of narration.

Assault is always something that should be treated delicately, because it is something that is so easily over-the-top or mishandled. I thought you did this very well; the scene had the proper amount of disgust and violation without Sesen getting out of character and telling too much detail. Your way of describing her feelings was just wonderful, particularly in these lines: I still remember what it had really felt like – a mass of blubbery flesh forcing itself against my mouth. It made me feel ugly and alien. If the reader didn’t feel sympathy towards Sesen Zabini’s loneliness as a child, they certainly would feel it here. It makes it all the more tragic when you’re able to realize that she had no one to turn to except herself, which definitely gives her the motive for taking matters into her own hands.

The entire story was written so carefully and so well. Though the reader gets the heavy impression that Mrs. Zabini has killed all of her husbands – and you’ve given her proper motive to do so – it is never stated directly. She never even says directly that she killed Demeke, though I think that is the one murder that she is willing to let the audience know about. You’ve made such an interesting, dangerous, and intimidating character, but she is still someone we can sympathize with at least partially for the misfortune in her early childhood.

This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, Natalie. You really are a brilliant writer.

Xx Ariana

Author's Response: Will you ever forgive me for this? :/

I remember when I first read this chapter. It's an absolutely gorgeous start to the most refreshing Lily/Scorp I have ever read. I am eternally grateful you did not keep this as a one-shot because I would have cried.

Author's Response: Looking back, I wonder how I could have thought about keeping this as a oneshot. It's obsessed me as much as Lavender, blue did - and that's saying something. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you liked it enough to continue. ~Carole~

I know that canonically Astoria is only two years younger than Malfoy but I want to accept your way as the *real* canon because the way you write them is darling. Especially Astoria, I still dislike Draco (even though, GASP, we're in the same house..).

And even though Scorpius is a bit rude at the end I still love that scene. I love how important Lily is to him now.

Author's Response: I'd always had this idea that she was a lot younger and not at school with them all because I kind of wanted Draco to know what love was. Not sure why, he's still a ferret - ha ha. He is a bit rude at the end - mwahahahahaha - he's not a Malfoy for nothing. ~Carole~

I love Scorpius because he says exactly what the b!tchy part of me wants him to say, even though I know Lily being angry with him isn't her fault.

I love Teddy because he listens (plus he's hot).

And I LOVE Lavender and Blaise because before High, Lavender Blue was my absolute favorite fic of yours and I love seeing them together years and years later.

So, I've come to the conclusion that you write characters extremely well and bring them to life so they feel like real people and not like random letters clumped together on a page.

Author's Response: I love you. Thank you, thatnk you, thank you, for this review. I think High has a very similar feel to Lavender, blue which is why it is one of my personal favourites. Plus I've nearly finished and I can't get my head around that. Nooooooo. Scorpius/Lily FTW! Oh, and Teddy, yeah, totally hot.

Oooh another cliffhanger!

This is one of my favorite chapters. I love the interactions between Scorpius and Professor Goldstein and Hugo and Lily…just wonderful. And the writing is amazing as well, but that's usual for you :)

Author's Response: I like Goldstein too. Well I like writing him. I think I share Lily's opinion that he's a waffler and I wouldn;t be able to understand him. ~Carole~

Oh, Benedict is such a darling.

I think I said this before but in the other reviews that were deleted so I'll say it again because I think it's a good point: What I think really attests to your amazing writing skill is that you make me actually, thoroughly dislike the Potter boys in this chapter. I think it goes down to your ability to write the whole character and not just one side of them, and here you've written the side that most people (including me) tend to forget...

Author's Response: Thank you for this review. Of course, the Potters and Weasleys are seen through Scorpius' eyes, and he is prejudiced, but in the books I do think the Weasley's (except Arthur) are a pretty prejudiced bunch. They come round eventually, but they still have a lot of preconceptions. I also hope that Lily's feelings about her family show that they're not such a horrid bunch! ~Carole~

Oooh and the plot thickens!

I love the Slytherin winning game and I love Scorpius's inspirational speech. Vaisey is growing on me, but not by much. I do feel sorry he has to put up with Ariadne all day (whoops I just typed in 'Ariana' and had to change that…I wonder what that saying?!).

Haha, anyway lovely chapter and I'm off to read the next because I can :)

Author's Response: Youlove Slytherin because you are one now. Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Ha ha - I hope you aren;t like Ariadne. As Scorpius says 'she's vile'

Scorpius had better give in to his base-urges soon … please?

I thought this was going to be the chapter where he goes and talks to his grandfather but it's the next one…shows just how chronologically challenged I am :).

Author's Response: Ummmmmm.................... few more chapters and then he might give in. Mwahahahahahaha

Poor Scorp is used and abused in this chapter. Reading it the first time I worried that this was going to end up causing another stalemate in his and Lily's relationship so the ending of this chapter made me smile. It did this time, too :)

Author's Response: I didn't want to cause too many rifts in their relationship because otherwise it gets a bit samey. There is a rift but it's a small one, and Scorp gets some sense knocked into him. Thank you for reviewing. ~Carole~

Yay! I didn't realize a new chapter had been put up until after I reviewed ch. 16. I resisted the urge to read this on LJ because I wanted to give myself something to look forward to :).

I love Fred in this chapter; he's hilarious! And I think you've characterized him well, I always see him being written in generally the same mold so it was fresh to read him as this con-artist, as Lily puts it. Plus I love Teddy, even though there's only a note from him in this chapter. I just love him :).

But the ending…NOOOOOOO! Scorpius! GET BACK IN THERE!

Can't wait for the next one! No, literally, I CAN'T wait. I need it now.

Author's Response: I was thinking about making Fred very different from his dad, but decided on this idea because I think the other Weasleys all seem a bit stern. Fred is a much lighter character, but the lack of Quidditch makes him not a clone of the twins. Thank you so much for all your reviews and I'm glad you liked Freddie. ~Carole~